Venting had a pretty bad breakdown recently, just wanted to make a post about it.

[Awesomefoid67]

idc if anyone reads this but it helps me like process it better, but it was just like a multitude of factors including me being on alot of drugs at the same time, the comedown of that, and also the main trigger was when i was starting to sober up the guy i like was like "hey we need to talk there are some issues" which like, i was already in a bad state because i had a lil weird moment before that where he took like slightly too long to reply or replied to the wrong person or something i don't really remember, and idk if i said anything or not but i had some nasty thoughts that made me feel pretty bad, so when he said that i basically lost it. it was very not good and i was definitely not helping it and i posted alot of concerning things to twitter lmao.
the worst bit though i can't even remember the exact trigger but i just wanted the awful feelings to end so i resorted to my old coping mechanism before drugs, which was self harm, and well i ended up hitting beans on my thigh and going to hospital. the only reason i'm still alive probably (in many ways now) is still him though and we like did have a discussion and he wasnt unreasonable and like tbf i was starting to take more and more risk in my usage so it's all fine now (apart from like other issues i'm having like my sleep schedule being absoloutely fucked and

Spoiler: tmi

some on and off bowel issues i'm having due to being unable to go to the toilet when i should be, ranging from opioid induced constipation to just pain and probably not consuming enough water.

overall just not really having a fun time due to having like very little energy from the poor sleep. that did kinda get better after the drugs because they did include stuff which helps me sleep and i ended up sleeping basically an entire day to physically and emotionally like try and recover, and i'm feeling a little bit better. they do want me to see like more mental health people now though but i'm not sure if thats gonna end up being useful or not.
still i'm so glad he was there cus like he's helped in multiple ways through this like isaid keeping my usage in check, just being there to be supportive, and like the encouragement to go to hospital after the incident because otherwise i mightve just wen't "eh its fine" and have it ended up not being fine lmao, although i cant say how much wouldve changed seen as i mightve done it anyway due to how much blood there was lmao (and the like encouragement just generally idk. sometimes just by being there idk.)