Guilt

[everlastinghistory]

Well, I thought I was done with this site but evidently I'm not.

I promised the person I love most that I wouldn't kill myself. I don't want to break that promise. I've already hurt her enough.

I don't like admitting this but when she tried to stop talking to me in September I threatened suicide. I know I shouldn't have. You don't need to yell at me for that. I felt terrible as soon as I realized what I had said but it was too late to take it back. She said if I killed myself she wouldn't blame herself but that it would hurt her. She told me staying alive was the only real proof of my love for her. So I did. I left this website for a while and things were okay.

Obviously now I'm back here…

I think my death is the best option for both of us. She needs a life I'm not in, and I don't want a life she's not in. There is no solution that gives us both peace other than my death.

She doesn't love me and she never will. I've accepted that now.

I don't want hurt her more than I already did that night. Realistically hurting her once by killing myself is better in the long run. Hurting her once is better than hurting her god only knows how much more.

The only problem is that I still feel like I'm essentially saying "I don't really love you" even though I'm doing it because I do love her. I want her to be happy and I think this is the best way to make that happen. It'll hurt her. But it won't hurt her as much as me staying alive would.

We're not dating. We never dated. We're friends. Had a somewhat sexual relationship at one point, but it was never anything beyond that. We've been friends for just over a year. I've loved her almost since the start. She is incredibly perfect. She deserves the best there is. Both when it comes to dating and in general. She's said herself my feelings were tying her down and I don't want to hurt her like that.

I feel bad for hurting her and breaking that promise. Is it really better this way? Objectively is my death the best option for both of us? I feel like it is but at the same time I've always been suicidal. I may just be making that up entirely as an excuse to die.

So that's why I'm here… Does it seem like the logical solution? I'm most likely going to do it no matter what these comments say. I'm just curious what other peoples opinions on this situation may be.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess that only you can decide what is best for yourself, I believe it to be a personal decision. But it does sound like a difficult situation to be in, I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for if leaving this world is what you decide.

 

[Nagito]

It's hard for someone outside of your situation to know what the best solution would be, but if you truly feel like you know what decision would bring you peace I don't think that should ever be something to feel guilty over.

Ctb is rarely an absence of love for the people around you. More often than not the love is the hardest part of leaving. Whatever you decide, I wish you peace and relief from your pain.

 

[makethepainstop]

Well, I thought I was done with this site but evidently I'm not.

I promised the person I love most that I wouldn't kill myself. I don't want to break that promise. I've already hurt her enough.

I don't like admitting this but when she tried to stop talking to me in September I threatened suicide. I know I shouldn't have. You don't need to yell at me for that. I felt terrible as soon as I realized what I had said but it was too late to take it back. She said if I killed myself she wouldn't blame herself but that it would hurt her. She told me staying alive was the only real proof of my love for her. So I did. I left this website for a while and things were okay.

Obviously now I'm back here…

I think my death is the best option for both of us. She needs a life I'm not in, and I don't want a life she's not in. There is no solution that gives us both peace other than my death.

She doesn't love me and she never will. I've accepted that now.

I don't want hurt her more than I already did that night. Realistically hurting her once by killing myself is better in the long run. Hurting her once is better than hurting her god only knows how much more.

The only problem is that I still feel like I'm essentially saying "I don't really love you" even though I'm doing it because I do love her. I want her to be happy and I think this is the best way to make that happen. It'll hurt her. But it won't hurt her as much as me staying alive would.

We're not dating. We never dated. We're friends. Had a somewhat sexual relationship at one point, but it was never anything beyond that. We've been friends for just over a year. I've loved her almost since the start. She is incredibly perfect. She deserves the best there is. Both when it comes to dating and in general. She's said herself my feelings were tying her down and I don't want to hurt her like that.

I feel bad for hurting her and breaking that promise. Is it really better this way? Objectively is my death the best option for both of us? I feel like it is but at the same time I've always been suicidal. I may just be making that up entirely as an excuse to die.

So that's why I'm here… Does it seem like the logical solution? I'm most likely going to do it no matter what these comments say. I'm just curious what other peoples opinions on this situation may be.

That lady of yours doesn't know how lucky she is. Having someone who loves you is almost as wonderful as winning 100 million dollars. Perhaps the blame is not entirely yours.