Discussion Grieving the life I could have had

[dkrw]

To be quite honest, thinking about my ctb plan makes me feel upset.

I have many regrets about my life and, even though these days I argue a lot with my family (especially mom), they have done a lot for me and I know they wish I had a good life. Too bad that I am so fucked in the head that I took their love for granted, ruined my entire life, and now plan to ctb do not want to deal with those consequences of my own actions.

Besides that, the finality of death scares me a lot. Not only do I have regrets about the life I lived, I also feel regret or grief about the future life I could have lived… I think I could have lived quite a happy life if not for all my mistakes.

I am sad. I wish I could stay in my fantasies about life forever. And that's exactly what I plan to do.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I keep wanting to wake up in the reality of my normal life to find that this one was a bad dream.

 

[SeekingPeace164]

I keep wanting to wake up in the reality of my normal life to find that this one was a bad dream.

Same, every day I wake up and immediately think "what the fuck have I done to get to this point"

 

[AWeepingWidower]

That is the first step actually. There's always room to change things and make new waves. I wont pretend to know what you're going through but part of me is glad to see you. And see you're still really thinking things thought on both ends. You're stronger than you realize. <3

 

[Superdeterminist]

Allow me to be annoying, please.

How do we know that anything could have been different, technically?

I'm an ardent determinist, so I believe everything that happens is forced to happen in exactly that way, and couldn't have unfolded any differently, even slightly.

I find it a comforting idea, but only a little, since a bad life is still a bad life, and is hell to experience.

Questions of ontology aside, I'm still with you in wishing that things could have gone differently. This life sucks...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Our personal situations are probably totally different but "Grieving the life I could have had" now and in the future - I can relate so much to it, how good my life could be if I didn't fail several years ago.

 

[totheendofinfinity]

I keep wanting to wake up in the reality of my normal life to find that this one was a bad dream.

I can relate. I just want to wake up in another life where things are all better and different, no memories of this one. I keep trying to convince myself I will, probably one of the reasons I'm still alive.