Grief and Loss Support Megathread

[DeletedAccount0864]

I've destroyed a relationship and with it my whole life (lost friends, my drive for my career). Even worse, I realized my own illusionary life that has been a nightmare since I was 5. I was unable to live but was pretty good in keeping up a facade of hope to myself and my environment. Now, I have nothing. Not the love of my life, no friends, no apartment, no job, no hope.
It's just too late for me to start over.

Don't know if you're still posting here, but this sounds very similar to my own situation. I've had such a shit life, and even my only chance at happiness was completely destroyed (by me). Too late to start over. It's just too late. If you're still around and want to talk to someone, I'm available.

 

[ReadyOrNot?]

I wish I could see my cat again. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I love you honey.
I'm Sorry.

 

[Deleted member 8119]

I thought my experience may help someone.

I had a best friend time ago. I was in a bad point of my life and they were my only source of support. One day, they committed suicide and at first the pain was extremely intense. I had no one else to talk and the only reason I had to stay alive disappeared. At that time, it was one of the worst things I've felt.

Flash forward years later. I was a completely different person and was thinking on said person. Today we wouldn't be friends at all. I was too different back then, but they are the kind of person I can't stand being near them. I won't give details or ideological rants but I looked out messages and what kind of person they were, and my answer was: "how could I befriend someone like this?". There was no reason to feel I lost anything and given enough years, I wouldn't love them. We are to different. We have nothing in common. I simply grabbed whatever I had then.

And then I realized: We only miss them because we weren't over yet. If it happened before their death, our experiences would be very different. Think about this: most groups of friends lose contact over time, but when one of them dies while it lasts, the pain seems to be forever. This isn't correct since if they parted ways in life, they wouldn't miss them near as much if the relationship is over. You miss the time you spent with that person and if you naturally parted ways, you would overcome it. I've seen this happen to many people.
Maybe your relationship was truly special, there are always exceptions and some people truly seem made for each other. Some people may have lost their elders in childhood or an extremely vulnerable period. This may not be useful to everyone and to be fair, years made me super cold. I apologize if it sounds unemphatic, I tried to be as careful as I could and I didn't intend to say anything on the lines of "why to care if they are dead". It's an extremely painful experience and it's natural to feel like this, but it's also something you have to overcome eventually. I hope I could help someone with this.

 

[Life_and_Death]

may 13th is getting closer.... i miss her so much...

 

[Life_and_Death]

i light a candle for the members of the site. for those who are suffering and those that have passed.
i light a candle for those away from the site and for all the animals around our planet

may no one ever be forgotten

 

[Life_and_Death]

"happy" weekend to me....
i get to grieve not having a mom (parents in general), my emotional support cat passing away, and my first of my favorite flower is dying......

depression physically wears....i struggle to even walk...i dont want to move....i just want to cry......

 

[thefoodispoison]

"happy" weekend to me....
i get to grieve not having a mom (parents in general), my emotional support cat passing away, and my first of my favorite flower is dying......

depression physically wears....i struggle to even walk...i dont want to move....i just want to cry......

I'm so sorry this weekend was tough. I don't have a mom either and people really don't get it sometimes. And a beloved cat passing on top of that is just brutal. I hope you can find someone to hug you, even if right now it's just yourself.

 

[bearbrikk]

Less than a year ago I lost my friend due to anorexia. I still suffer from it so to know exactly how she felt and it is heartbreaking. Im mad a the doctors who only kept her alive to create a higher medical bill. I'm mad no one could help her. And I feel shame for being angry with her. The thought'' Just eat, I could do it so can you'' '' why did you give up'' still haunts me. I am ashamed when Those thoughts come up because I know how hard it is and it is NOT that simple. But I think these things out of loss,out of pain. I still refuse to let her go. I'm not gonna mourn. She is in my heart and that's it. She is still here. I was not there when she was suffering, when she needed someone. I was not there. If only I knew, I would have been there. I know how it feels, what it does to you. I could have helped her....maybe?

 

[Life_and_Death]

i light a candle for those that are suffering
i light a candle for those that have passed
may no one be forgotten

 

[Life_and_Death]

 

[JusMe]

i lost my mom to cancer as a teenager and it's been so rough hitting so many milestones without her here to celebrate them with. it's so bad, especially going through high school graduation and then moving to university without her. and the worst part is that no one has been able to fill the hole she left in my life, not my dad, other relatives or close friends, and i'm scared that i'm gonna continue living life with this huge gaping pain in my heart. i miss her so much and everything i've tried to do hasn't helped :( i just wish she was still here because she always knew what to say to make me feel better

 

[feelinggloomy]

My 22 year old son and my reason for living CTB in 2022. I am beyond devastated and feel dead inside unable to connect to anyone or anything. I want to die and I plan to do just that when my pups are gone. I can't live in this constant state of overwhelming grief forever and I don't intend to. I'm so happy I found this thread and I feel for all of you. I really do.

Sorry for your loss. But I know how you feel. I found my partner dead from a bullet to his head. He suffered from depression as do I. No one should have to see what I saw. He was and still is my entire world. People visited and called for a few weeks. Then their lives went back to normal. I feel abandoned. Every day is a struggle with what feels like total emptiness in my life. Other family members sought counseling to deal with their grief. I just can't bring myself to do that. I talk to him still and see him in my dreams. Hope to join him in the near future.

I'm late to this post but I lost my son the same way in 2022 and I can't take a breath

 

[Life_and_Death]

you know when you pick up a box/album of pictures you havent touched in a while..??

i wish i had a mom and dad.....

even though theyre still alive its just something lost in the abyss now....nothing more than a dream reminding you reality is a nightmare.....



a candle for my personal struggles...
a candle for others that are struggling....
a candle for those that no longer struggle and are on a different path

 

[feelinggloomy]

Yeah surrounded by pictures and memories and they make me sad

 

[Allaboutit]

My 12 year old daughter was murdered and my grown son has disowned me because his wife doesn't like me. the grief is overwhelming no matter how much time has passed. It's sad that we need this thread, but I am so grateful for it.

I don't know how to navigate grief. It's not something I feel I could possibly prepare for. I feel better than I did yesterday. And for now, that's my focus.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

i lost my mom to cancer as a teenager and it's been so rough hitting so many milestones without her here to celebrate them with. it's so bad, especially going through high school graduation and then moving to university without her. and the worst part is that no one has been able to fill the hole she left in my life, not my dad, other relatives or close friends, and i'm scared that i'm gonna continue living life with this huge gaping pain in my heart. i miss her so much and everything i've tried to do hasn't helped :( i just wish she was still here because she always knew what to say to make me feel better

I'm so sorry for your loss, truly. I also lost my mom to cancer when I was a teen. In three months she went from this woman that could do anything to being in a wheelchair, thin, swollen, cold with almost no hair.

I divide my life based on her death, the time before she died and after she died. My grandma was then my second mother, she was so loving and smart. Then one morning my dad's girlfriend number 3 woke me up with the words "Wake up, we're going to your grandma's, she died."

They left me alone and I cried in bed, on the way to uni, at uni when I could. Years later there goes my cat, my best friend, dying of cancer. She was put to sleep and I never forget the life leaving her eyes and her body falling limp on my arms.

These are the deaths post my mother's death, before that I had already experienced cats dying on me and old people I cared for deteriorate and die. All these deaths killed pieces of me.

I can't remember good moments with the people I loved and died, I don't remember anything. When I think about them I remember vividly the bad moments, all that lead up to them dying. I can transport myself to that day, of hearing my mother screaming, the paramedics taking her in the wheelchair, me touching her face with two fingers, she being cold and staring blankly at the distance.

Everything is so vivid and intense, it's like I'm going back in time and I feel exactly like I felt on that day.

No one cares, everyone is living their life and I was told I can't "use my mom as an excuse to be sad because it's been years since she died". To me, it feels like it was just yesterday and it doesn't matter what I do with my life currently, nothing makes me happy. I live in constant sadness and emptiness, stuck reliving horrible memories of the past.

 

[badtothebone]

I'm going to try even tho I'm very suicidal and looking for a plan.

I lost my 14 y.o. Son to suicide. He shot himself. It happened in January this year and his story was on the news. The police think it has something to do with his friends but no details yet. I hired private investigator to see if his snap chat reveals anything there is no closure so I'm not sure why he did it beside we had an argument the night before. It was just stupid argument nothing hurtful, but I didn't see him or talk with him after. Imagine the last memory I had for my son me arguing with him! The amount of guilt I carry can kill the biggest man on earth. If it's due to the argument it's my fault, if he was depressed as a mom I should've noticed signs, if it was bullying he didn't feel close enough to share his pain with me, if and if I can go in with huge list in the end it's my fault regardless to the reason. My son was so handsome he had curly hair, green eyes, tall and just so handsome. I miss him so much I feel guilty when I smile. I promised myself I will never be happy without him. I really want to just die I feel that I died already anyway, but I have 2 children who need me. I don't know what to do. All what I think about is suicide now.

 

[uglyugly]

I lost my mom to ALS about 8 years ago and am still grieving. I always will. My dad has gone downhill mentally and physically ever since. It's kind of funny that he is trying to date in his mid 80s, but hey, I support that.

The problem is I am positive he has dementia. He is NOT the person I've always know. He has become dismissive, non-caring, mean, angry, childish, and at times is verbally mean to me. He was never that way. He was a very good person. Now he is someone else. If I tell him I had a horrible day or am so depressed, he tells me "just think about how bad I feel". Totally dismissive and non-supporting. I don't want him to solve my problems, I just wish he would act like he cares. I think he only wants me around for what I can do for him, and again, this is not the person he was. I do not know this man. He has my dad's face, voice, body and memories, but it's not the dad I knew.

I don't know what was/is worse - watching my mom die physically with her mind intact until the end or watching my dad fall apart mentally.

I am so sad and so far gone sometimes that I think I have actually, literally died and am in hell... because this is what hell would be like for me. I'm being honest here: some days I'm not sure I'm even alive any more.

Am I?

 

[JusMe]

I'm so sorry for your loss, truly. I also lost my mom to cancer when I was a teen. In three months she went from this woman that could do anything to being in a wheelchair, thin, swollen, cold with almost no hair.

I divide my life based on her death, the time before she died and after she died. My grandma was then my second mother, she was so loving and smart. Then one morning my dad's girlfriend number 3 woke me up with the words "Wake up, we're going to your grandma's, she died."

They left me alone and I cried in bed, on the way to uni, at uni when I could. Years later there goes my cat, my best friend, dying of cancer. She was put to sleep and I never forget the life leaving her eyes and her body falling limp on my arms.

These are the deaths post my mother's death, before that I had already experienced cats dying on me and old people I cared for deteriorate and die. All these deaths killed pieces of me.

I can't remember good moments with the people I loved and died, I don't remember anything. When I think about them I remember vividly the bad moments, all that lead up to them dying. I can transport myself to that day, of hearing my mother screaming, the paramedics taking her in the wheelchair, me touching her face with two fingers, she being cold and staring blankly at the distance.

Everything is so vivid and intense, it's like I'm going back in time and I feel exactly like I felt on that day.

No one cares, everyone is living their life and I was told I can't "use my mom as an excuse to be sad because it's been years since she died". To me, it feels like it was just yesterday and it doesn't matter what I do with my life currently, nothing makes me happy. I live in constant sadness and emptiness, stuck reliving horrible memories of the past.

I'm also so sorry for all of your loss, I really don't have the words to express my condolences. What you've been through is awful and I understand you because I've been there. And when you said the thing about dividing your life pre and post the passing of your mom, that really spoke to me. I feel like whatever I do now, I think "I'm doing this without mama", "I'm experiencing this without mama". I'm just always thinking about my mom and the fact that she's dead. And even the smallest things trigger me, like I work as a cashier and the way I crash out whenever I see a mom with her children isn't even funny.
I also hate when people say you can't use a loved one's passing as an excuse to be sad because it's as if they're saying there's a time limit on grief. But there isn't because we live through it everyday, and I read somewhere that you can't get over grief, but rather you learn how to live with it, and although it's disheartening, I think it's true. I've had to adapt and change habits just to get through the day without a mental breakdown. It sucks having to snap myself out of my grief when it suddenly hits, but with time, I sort of got used to it. I'm really sorry to hear that it hasn't gotten any better for you, for me it's been a few years, and I'm learning to cope. I hope you're able to find a support system, maybe a community or a hobby or a career that's fulfilling and which can give you an external sense of happiness or motivation. Please also feel free to message me if you need someone to listen, I understand what you're going through and I'd love to be a friend if you need one

 

[badtothebone]

I lost my mom to ALS about 8 years ago and am still grieving. I always will. My dad has gone downhill mentally and physically ever since. It's kind of funny that he is trying to date in his mid 80s, but hey, I support that.

The problem is I am positive he has dementia. He is NOT the person I've always know. He has become dismissive, non-caring, mean, angry, childish, and at times is verbally mean to me. He was never that way. He was a very good person. Now he is someone else. If I tell him I had a horrible day or am so depressed, he tells me "just think about how bad I feel". Totally dismissive and non-supporting. I don't want him to solve my problems, I just wish he would act like he cares. I think he only wants me around for what I can do for him, and again, this is not the person he was. I do not know this man. He has my dad's face, voice, body and memories, but it's not the dad I knew.

I don't know what was/is worse - watching my mom die physically with her mind intact until the end or watching my dad fall apart mentally.

I am so sad and so far gone sometimes that I think I have actually, literally died and am in hell... because this is what hell would be like for me. I'm being honest here: some days I'm not sure I'm even alive any more.

Am I?

@uglyugly losing a loved one is very hard to experience. I'm so sorry about your loss! Watching a loved one struggling in life is also hard another type of grief. Take care of yourself at the end of the day it's in order parents go first. Take care of yourself my friend and as long as I'm alive I'm here for you if you want to talk..

But losing a loved one specifically your child to suicide literally kills you. The person you care about and you love the most is gone whats the point to continue?? I know I loved my son so much I know I cared for him but I do have faults. I never thought this will happen to me to us and that was my mistake. If I treated my son with more emotional support he's prob alive now playing his games. I feel like I took my own son's life away from him. Suicide grief is different and more complicated and I just can't see myself living with this pain and guilt.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

Its now the 15th of September, I lost my ex-girlfriend and best friend Ema on the 6th, you wouldn't believe how much I cried over this past week, I'm really struggling, one of the reasons I came onto this site, was to see what support was out there. I been trying to live my life as normal as I can, but its not easy. I feel so lost, and empty. Life can be really painful on times

 

[lucmucpuc]

I'm going to try even tho I'm very suicidal and looking for a plan.

I lost my 14 y.o. Son to suicide. He shot himself. It happened in January this year and his story was on the news. The police think it has something to do with his friends but no details yet. I hired private investigator to see if his snap chat reveals anything there is no closure so I'm not sure why he did it beside we had an argument the night before. It was just stupid argument nothing hurtful, but I didn't see him or talk with him after. Imagine the last memory I had for my son me arguing with him! The amount of guilt I carry can kill the biggest man on earth. If it's due to the argument it's my fault, if he was depressed as a mom I should've noticed signs, if it was bullying he didn't feel close enough to share his pain with me, if and if I can go in with huge list in the end it's my fault regardless to the reason. My son was so handsome he had curly hair, green eyes, tall and just so handsome. I miss him so much I feel guilty when I smile. I promised myself I will never be happy without him. I really want to just die I feel that I died already anyway, but I have 2 children who need me. I don't know what to do. All what I think about is suicide now.

im so sorry for your loss.
i dont think you should blame yourself, depressed/mentaly ill people are very smart and know how to not show any signs and how to act "normal". its usually impossible to notice.
try to stay strong for your children, they need a mom in their lives. : )

 

[badtothebone]

im so sorry for your loss.
i dont think you should blame yourself, depressed/mentaly ill people are very smart and know how to not show any signs and how to act "normal". its usually impossible to notice.
try to stay strong for your children, they need a mom in their lives. : )

Thank you so much @lucmucpuc its hard to concentrate I feel so tired from this pain but I'm trying

 

[lucmucpuc]

Thank you so much @lucmucpuc its hard to concentrate I feel so tired from this pain but I'm trying

you can do it, i believe in you and im so proud of you for still being here w us after going trough something so horrible. you are way stronger than you think. if you are willing to do so, it might be easier to talk to a therapist about your situation. its so much harder to suffer in silence.
im sending you hugs, im sure you need them.

 

[badtothebone]

you can do it, i believe in you and im so proud of you for still being here w us after going trough something so horrible. you are way stronger than you think. if you are willing to do so, it might be easier to talk to a therapist about your situation. its so much harder to suffer in silence.
im sending you hugs, im sure you need them.

I appreciate your support! I saw a psychiatric last week he put me on two different medications but it looks like I need to change them I'm getting nightmares.. I'm already living the nightmare tho so I'm not sure if it's the medications or if it's my grief.. thank you so much for your support

 

[lucmucpuc]

I appreciate your support! I saw a psychiatric last week he put me on two different medications but it looks like I need to change them I'm getting nightmares.. I'm already living the nightmare tho so I'm not sure if it's the medications or if it's my grief.. thank you so much for your support

thats good, it may be tricky to find perfect medication but once you find it, it will be so much easier to deal with life. im glad you are still fighting. stay strong, i wish you all the best and i hope life will be kinder on you from now on : )

 

[badtothebone]

thats good, it may be tricky to find perfect medication but once you find it, it will be so much easier to deal with life. im glad you are still fighting. stay strong, i wish you all the best and i hope life will be kinder on you from now on : )

Thank you appreciate that. I'm not sure if I'm fighting or just wasting my time. I don't think I will ever connect with life I feel different so distance from everything and everyone. It's hard what I'm going through is very painful and impossible to understand. Why God allow a teenager to torture himself and die just like that?? He was so innocent and beautiful. I wish I never had kids or even live to experience this kind of pain. I'm sorry I keep saying the same thing but that's what I can say. I don't even talk to anyone I isolate myself I don't want to be burden. Thank you for listening

 

[lucmucpuc]

Thank you appreciate that. I'm not sure if I'm fighting or just wasting my time. I don't think I will ever connect with life I feel different so distance from everything and everyone. It's hard what I'm going through is very painful and impossible to understand. Why God allow a teenager to torture himself and die just like that?? He was so innocent and beautiful. I wish I never had kids or even live to experience this kind of pain. I'm sorry I keep saying the same thing but that's what I can say. I don't even talk to anyone I isolate myself I don't want to be burden. Thank you for listening

life is cruel and if there is a god- hes pretty cruel too. i dont think you are a burden, you are suffering and you deserve all the support and help available. and its fine to be stuck on the same topic, there are things you just cant get over.