Great.

[ms_beaverhousen]

Great. Now I'm thinking one of my most feared methods may have now become a contender, once I get my shit together so I can finally ctb. Low (I guess partly partial?) Hanging is creeping in my mind as an option since the I'm just thinking of my other methods just going awry one way or another. Painful, scary, gory hanging... great. I'm less afraid to pull a trigger. I may not be able to acquire a trigger...bMy OD'ing may just make me sleep for a few days and give me partial brain/nerve damage if I awake. This is so fucked, on so many levels. It shouldnt be this fucking hard... I feel like such a fuck since kids unfortunately hang themselves. People do it left and right. As for drugs, they say in the US ordering drugs to your home is now as easy as ordering food from an app. However it's not, if you're just too reta**ed to figure it out like me. I'm a sheltered person, not street savy, no friends/connections; therefore there's no way (method), literally. Just a will. That's even one thing I tell therapists so they'll fuck off: "I'm a will without a way." Crying is pointless. Cutting hurts and is ultimately worthless. Talking/venting is worthless. (Yeah Im aware Im techincally doing that. But it's more of stating a fact because I know I'm not the only one feels this way. Validation seeking I guess.) I have cable tv but it's fucked and have only a few channels so can't escape in that either. (Not worth goinf into detail about getting it fixed.) Pills for depression are worthless. Slept for the majority of this week. Literally, no escape. I hate to feel sorry for myself when so many lives are so much more fucked up than mine, but even my own everyday existence causes my family pain, so why does ctb have to be so god damn difficult? The irony of it all, as well as the irony in my life, is just taunting.