Discussion Got serious about cbt when husband turned 81 years old

[LADY007]

Wanted to clarify my position since it may help someone else. My husband is 12 years older than I. Since I was 60, knew I wanted to cbt earlier than 75.
Now I am 70 and it is obvious my husband will not be here that long. All of a sudden...reality sets in that you better have a method and practice, if possible. Situations change and move forward fast. I recently experienced how strong and very bad this feeling of emptiness/loneliness was when he was gone for a few days. The small group of friends I have are tired just from kids and grandchildren. Just some situations to be aware of.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I cant begin what it is like to want to ctb at your advanced age. I have decades ahead and no way of navigating them securily. All the best to us I guess

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot imagine ever reaching that age. I know that loneliness can be painful for many people. I wish you the best, whatever happens.

 

[LADY007]

I cant begin what it is like to want to ctb at your advanced age. I have decades ahead and no way of navigating them securily. All the best to us I guess

zeronothing....the thing is at this point, where 10 years ago..I would be thinking about what zipline to try and which machines to go on at the gym. Now I worry about who goes first, what if nursing home is needed, dam straight ..I am not going to a home and all these bummer thoughts that have to be addressed. That is why you see older people looking serious and drained.

 

[Rational man]

I could never imagine being 80. I think i knew in my teens I wouldn't make it and I guess im right. Now facing death from chronic illness. My neighbour lived to 97 and was active until almost the end. He was fit and healthy and enjoyed life. Hope you find peace of mind.

 

[LADY007]

I could never imagine being 80. I think i knew in my teens I wouldn't make it and I guess im right. Now facing death from chronic illness. My neighbour lived to 97 and was active until almost the end. He was fit and healthy and enjoyed life. Hope you find peace of mind.

Thank you, Rational man ! The worst part is I look about 50 because of lifelong gym membership...mirror tells me I can't be 70. So sorry you are dealing with chronic problem. One can never be sure what shape they will be in at 70 or 80. Have you had this illness all your life??

 

[Rational man]

Have you had this illness all your life??

No. I was fit healthy, gym, like.you but i started.feeling ill several Years ago. It was a.mystery and then the Corona flu vax in March triggered the whole process manifesting in auto immune endocrine disease at 36. I can't be cured. The neuropathy is wasting my body away. I can't eat much cause my guts get paralysed like a knife being twisted. It was a shock at first, regrets, etc,but I accept my fate now because theres nothing i can do to get healed.

 

[Smart No More]

It's quite an achievement to live to your age with your health relatively in tact and as you've looked after your body and been the master of it to some extent it is totally understandable to me that you would want to continue that control over to your end. Having become accustomed to that control probably makes the fear of losing it and being at the mercy of others you have little to no reason to have any faith in that much worse. Also, when your soul mate is about to check out you undertandably start to consider your option with serious intent. It's perfectly logical and I'm completely on your side.

I am younger than yourself but also experienced similar control over my health. At least after my wayward youth was out of the way. Unfortunately now I'm in a position where I've lost that control due to illness (which may well be the result of a stupid accident I made) and have lost myself to it. I was very happy with who I was and had achieved a state of mind I was really content and proud of. I really believe I had a lot to offer the world but that is gone now and in a way its very much like losing a loved one. I mourn myself daily and with no apparent way to heal it, I find myself in a very similar situation to yourself, so I empathise and feel I understand you in the truest sense I can. For whatever that's worth.

 

[obliviousatbest]

You're so strong to have stayed so long. My grandad is wasting away from a near-genius to a shell of himself. The lockdowns reduced his mobility and social interaction so much he is now practically bound to the sofa during the day with horrible amounts of brain fog and chronic pain. I often wonder if he'd secretly rather have passed naturally before this deterioration started. I admire the strength of you and your husband so much, your situation is not easy. Wishing you peace throughout your days.

 

[LADY007]

No. I was fit healthy, gym, like.you but i started.feeling ill several Years ago. It was a.mystery and then the Corona flu vax in March triggered the whole process manifesting in auto immune endocrine disease at 36. I can't be cured. The neuropathy is wasting my body away. I can't eat much cause my guts get paralysed like a knife being twisted. It was a shock at first, regrets, etc,but I accept my fate now because theres nothing i can do to get healed.

I have no words for how sorry I am. My mother had Alzheimers causing 6 years in a nursing home. When I visited her...I sat with a handsome 17 year old guy, in a wheelchair, paralyzed for life. That is what I mean by no one knows their fate really. Where are you...USA??

It's quite an achievement to live to your age with your health relatively in tact and as you've looked after your body and been the master of it to some extent it is totally understandable to me that you would want to continue that control over to your end. Having become accustomed to that control makes the fear of losing it and being at the mercy of others you have little to no reason to have any faith in. Also, when your soul mate is about to check out you undertandably start to consider your option with serious intent. It's perfectly logical and I'm completely on your side.

I am younger than yourself but also experienced similar control over my health. At least after my wayward youth was out of the way. Unfortunately now I'm in a position where I've lost that control due to illness (which may well be the result of a stupid accident I made) and have lost myself to it. I was very happy with who I was and had achieved a state of mind I was really content and proud of. I really believe I had a lot to offer the world but that is gone now and in a way its very much like losing a loved one. I mourn myself daily and with no apparent way to heal myself I find myself in a very similar situation to yourself, so I empathise and feel I understand you in the truest sense I can. For whatever that's worth.

I was lucky enough to meet my husband when I was 34 years old and traveled the US with him. By the way, travel is highly overrated fantasy. I never thought I would even leave my home town...but I did with him. Travel is tiring and with the internet, places are no longer mysterious. They have all the same stores you see everywhere so don't feel bad if you never did it.

 

[Chey]

I have to commend you on reaching such an age in a world such as the one we have.
I'm sorry you're facing such decisions. One of the many reasons I don't want to age too much further. My father had lewy body dementia. Horrible to watch and had to watch him die alone from outside his bedroom window due to the pandemic. He should have been allowed to have made a choice on how he would like to go. He wasn't given that choice.

 

[LADY007]

It's quite an achievement to live to your age with your health relatively in tact and as you've looked after your body and been the master of it to some extent it is totally understandable to me that you would want to continue that control over to your end. Having become accustomed to that control makes the fear of losing it and being at the mercy of others you have little to no reason to have any faith in. Also, when your soul mate is about to check out you undertandably start to consider your option with serious intent. It's perfectly logical and I'm completely on your side.

I am younger than yourself but also experienced similar control over my health. At least after my wayward youth was out of the way. Unfortunately now I'm in a position where I've lost that control due to illness (which may well be the result of a stupid accident I made) and have lost myself to it. I was very happy with who I was and had achieved a state of mind I was really content and proud of. I really believe I had a lot to offer the world but that is gone now and in a way its very much like losing a loved one. I mourn myself daily and with no apparent way to heal myself I find myself in a very similar situation to yourself, so I empathise and feel I understand you in the truest sense I can. For whatever that's worth.

You are so right....It is like losing a great friend==YOURSELF. My biggest saving grace is my purchase of my nitrogen gas cylinder (40cuft) in the basement.

I have to commend you on reaching such an age in a world such as the one we have.
I'm sorry you're facing such decisions. One of the many reasons I don't want to age too much further. My father had lewy body dementia. Horrible to watch and had to watch him die alone from outside his bedroom window due to the pandemic. He should have been allowed to have made a choice on how he would like to go. He wasn't given that choice.

Chey....Good God...I loved Mrs. Doubtfire and miss Robin Williams but I am glad he is gone with that pending disease. Your right....watching these people is terrible. If nothing else on this site..I want to tell people that you do not get older without these new worries slowly taking over your thoughts. Some can ignor them but others know the importance of planning.

Similar. I'd kill to get to 70, but it's not in the cards for me. No healing. No hope. Once the holidays are over, so am I.

Similar. I'd kill to get to 70, but it's not in the cards for me. No healing. No hope. Once the holidays are over, so am I.

readysteady....my choice is exit bag ..nitrogen...just hope a good method is available.

I cannot imagine ever reaching that age. I know that loneliness can be painful for many people. I wish you the best, whatever happens.

Hugs to you!

 

[Round Two]

I know what having serious health issues and losing someone who means the world to you does to a person. Being constantly in fear of what's next while your heart's ripped out would certainly be unbearable to me. I hope you find peace.

 

[rationalis]

It should be normal for people to choose their own deaths. I am pro choice but not at the point where I want to die. Forcing people to live is cruel.

 

[Rational man]

By the way, travel is highly overrated fantasy.

I live England but travelled mainly in Europe. As you say, travel is tiring and 4K vlogs are the penultimate.experience for me. MY ' soulmate ' abandoned me Years ago but actually, im better off alone. Theres souls elsewhere.Take care

control probably makes the fear of losing it a

Yes. Loss of control and ending up in a medical facility until I rot, becuase doctors, too afraid to act. No thanks, im staying in control to the end. Fortunately, my mind is sharp and alert. Let's hope my body can hold out until i make.my move. It might be a tight race.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

zeronothing....the thing is at this point, where 10 years ago..I would be thinking about what zipline to try and which machines to go on at the gym. Now I worry about who goes first, what if nursing home is needed, dam straight ..I am not going to a home and all these bummer thoughts that have to be addressed. That is why you see older people looking serious and drained.

I like that you point that out because I never understood why so many older people looked like that, but now that I'm feeling the same way as them despite being young, I understand perfectly. It doesn't matter how old we are, if our health or ability to live a a dignified or good quality of life declines, it's agonizing for everyone and anyone. I might as well be 80 because of my chronic health condition and it's so hard imagining how I'm going to keep going on because it's tremendously painful to live like this.

 

[LADY007]

I like that you point that out because I never understood why so many older people looked like that, but now that I'm feeling the same way as them despite being young, I understand perfectly. It doesn't matter how old we are, if our health or ability to live a a dignified or good quality of life declines, it's agonizing for everyone and anyone. I might as well be 80 because of my chronic health condition and it's so hard imagining how I'm going to keep going on because it's tremendously painful to live like this.

wantogetonthebus=I appreciate your feedback. I hope any input I have on this site will spur members to realize what is inevitably coming sooner or later. If I video recorded how quickly I did things when 50 compared to now.. I would have not believed it at all. Very sorry you are in a tough situation. When the quality declines, many times it permeates your thoughts daily and diminishes joy from all activities. Hope you find peace in some manner!

 

[ovaltinee99]

70! You have more than paid your dues. You deserve to have a very peaceful method. Good luck with whatever you choose!

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

Your husband is happy that you will miss him so much. I thought the same about my parents. My mother was 6 years younger than my father but after his death at the age of 82 she was a different person. She traveled alone from Germany to the US to meet her early love. She behaved like a little girl.

I am 66 and my wife is 8 years younger than me. She gives me the feeling that I will do her a favor if I kill myself.

With respect to the vitality and life expectancy of women and men women should marry younger men. And yes, suicide is the best way to go in the old age.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

wantogetonthebus=I appreciate your feedback. I hope any input I have on this site will spur members to realize what is inevitably coming sooner or later. If I video recorded how quickly I did things when 50 compared to now.. I would have not believed it at all. Very sorry you are in a tough situation. When the quality declines, many times it permeates your thoughts daily and diminishes joy from all activities. Hope you find peace in some manner!

Thank you so much! I truly wish the same for you. I know it's not easy but we're all doing what we can wherever that takes us. I wish I could at least take away all your suffering and all the world's suffering even if I can't take away my own.

 

[steviewonder]

Wanted to clarify my position since it may help someone else. My husband is 12 years older than I. Since I was 60, knew I wanted to cbt earlier than 75.
Now I am 70 and it is obvious my husband will not be here that long. All of a sudden...reality sets in that you better have a method and practice, if possible. Situations change and move forward fast. I recently experienced how strong and very bad this feeling of emptiness/loneliness was when he was gone for a few days. The small group of friends I have are tired just from kids and grandchildren. Just some situations to be aware of.

Off topic but I'm alway fascinated when I see old people post online. My Nan is so behind she doesn't know how to use any piece of modern technology. Only piece of technology she uses is her landline. She lives in such an alien world

 

[LADY007]

Off topic but I'm alway fascinated when I see old people post online. My Nan is so behind she doesn't know how to use any piece of modern technology. Only piece of technology she uses is her landline. She lives in such an alien world

I was lucky my husband was a programmer. First time I was doing financial charts I was terrified of the delete button!! Thank God for "undo"!

 

[subj]

I was lucky my husband was a programmer. First time I was doing financial charts I was terrified of the delete button!! Thank God for "undo"!

Wanted to clarify my position since it may help someone else. My husband is 12 years older than I. Since I was 60, knew I wanted to cbt earlier than 75.
Now I am 70 and it is obvious my husband will not be here that long. All of a sudden...reality sets in that you better have a method and practice, if possible. Situations change and move forward fast. I recently experienced how strong and very bad this feeling of emptiness/loneliness was when he was gone for a few days. The small group of friends I have are tired just from kids and grandchildren. Just some situations to be aware of.

I admire you for being healthy and can empatize with your dilemma. Like you I am older (late 70s). I face the prospect of illness now but have no major issues...yet. Over my life I have considered suicide many many times related to child sexual abuse, depression. For many reasons could not actually follow through and now am glad I didn't as I finally got rewarding work and two great adult kids. Watching them grow and helping ther along with my wife was worth staying. As i age and consider decline and dependence with no good reason to continue I am drawn to planning the end. If I have a sudden debilitating illness or a prolonged life threatening i wqnt no further medical interventions. But what about the chronic illnesses? Having a good plan will be important. I wish you the best as you wrestle with this.

 

[LADY007]

I admire you for being healthy and can empatize with your dilemma. Like you I am older (late 70s). I face the prospect of illness now but have no major issues...yet. Over my life I have considered suicide many many times related to child sexual abuse, depression. For many reasons could not actually follow through and now am glad I didn't as I finally got rewarding work and two great adult kids. Watching them grow and helping ther along with my wife was worth staying. As i age and consider decline and dependence with no good reason to continue I am drawn to planning the end. If I have a sudden debilitating illness or a prolonged life threatening i wqnt no further medical interventions. But what about the chronic illnesses? Having a good plan will be important. I wish you the best as you wrestle with this.

I have chosen exit bag(nitrogen)... Have the tank 40cuft, made the bag, etc. Glad you serious about a good plan. Very important. Wishing you well, also!