Help Got raped by someone I trusted and loved. Feeling really suicidal and in unbearable pain. Would someone talk to me please

[happysunnydayy]

Tw: SA

I'm still in shock and disbelief. I live in such a country with no women rights so ofc the rapist will not have any repercussions :(. I met him on bumble and we met several times and he made me feel safe until one day he took me home and completely changed. It happened a week ago and I feel so FUCKING suicidal and depressed. I was also a virgin and had no experience before. He is a guy who gets women easily and have had gfs and romantic partners before and convinced me he isn't a desperate guy and I can trust him fully. So I don't know why he became so abusive and scary the moment the door was locked. He's 38 I'm in my mid twenties. I felt so disgusting, worthless and unloved. He didn't even use protection I had to take emergency contraceptives all by myself. I've always been suicidal but this one hurts the most like the pain is unbearable. I feel completely DESTROYED mentally and just want to die asap.

I told my friends they tell me it's my fault because why did I go? I can't even tell my family because here any involvement in relationship means I'm asking for it and technically I sat in the car myself so it's consent therefore useless.

Now he's texting me begging for forgiveness and he has "no clue" why he did that. And saying he has daughters of his own and how karma will get to him and shit and please I should forgive him" even sending me pic of him with red crying eyes and how bad he feels and how he's so fearful of god. He wants me to keep on seeing him but this time we'll only have car dates and public dates like restaurants like before so " we will stay in our limits". Also twisting the truth saying we only had a makeout and how I was into it. Saying how his wife loves it and gets even more wilder when they have sex like that.

I don't know how she enjoys it like it was so painful. Physically fighting throwing him off being pushed and pulled being treated like object having fingers shoved inside til it bled. Kissing felt so disgusting too, I then realised how horrible it feels to kiss someone you're not attracted to I thought sex is supposed to be a form of love and start slowly and lovingly but it was just having clothes pulled from you with utmost force the moment the door was locked. Then he had claimed before that he's "good in bed" he didn't even ask if I want to do it he just told me let's go meet his friend at his place then he asked me if we are going to do it so he should buy protection to which I said no we are not doing it so don't buy it.I really thought we were gonna just meet his friend.

Now he's saying he's changed man and will treat me like princess. And do everything I want and buy me everything. We'll have nicer dates in public etc.

My friends and loved ones are just telling me to move on but I can't even get out of bed. I feel utterly lonely and completely hopeless. I just hope that if one day I die he better know he did this to me. He's out there living his best life at 38 and here I'm struggling to even perform basic tasks because of him. I hope he gets old and suffers and dies an agonizing death.

Thanks for reading all that. I would like some support so please message me id be waiting. I'm really sad and need some supportive friends I feel like a tragedy has struck me and I'm going through it all alone.

 

[iamanavalanche]

im so sorry you went through this too. sending you so many hugs and it is not your fault in any capacity. i hope you can find strength and support through this horrific time

 

[happysunnydayy]

im so sorry you went through this too. sending you so many hugs and it is not your fault in any capacity. i hope you can find strength and support through this horrific time

Thanks :( can we talk

 

[Greasyhair]

I don't know what to say that doesn't sound like empty platitude, but reading this churned my stomach. I really hope you manage to recover.

 

[Dot]

Ws nt ur flt - hs actns r hs own

H/ ws also out lookng fr othr womn whle mrried evn b4 th/ rpe

Slf wld wn2 snd thse msgs t/ hs wfe bt undrstnd tht cld pt u in dangr

Whch cntry r u in - perhps slf cn hlp u fnd a professnl rpe crsis charty wh/ r traind in spportng ppl in ur stuatn t/ hlp mange th/ aftr effcts of th/ damge tht h/ hs dne



"The Anti-Rape Crisis Cell (ARCC) in Karachi, established in August 2023, is Pakistan's first facility designed to provide a comprehensive range of services for survivors of sexual violence. Located at the Office of the Police Surgeon near Civil Hospital Karachi, it offers medical-legal examinations, psychological support, forensic sample collection, and legal assistance, all in one place. The cell follows a victim-centric and gender-neutral approach, allowing for walk-ins, referrals, or a response via ambulance for those who call."

Perhps thy cn also hlp or refr u t/ sme propr spport

 

[RW__Asher23]

I am so sorry that happened to you but this is NO Fault of yours. You did nothing wrong Rape is on the one perpetrating the act. There is no excuse. So sorry but know people here care and will read and listen. I can only do so much myself as a MOD but please know this is not your fault. We care about all our members. I know might not seem like it but we do. I am not a counselor but I have been raped in past many years ago. That how I know this is no fault of yours. Again I am sorry this happened. Reach out to the community here. Peace.

Edit: Found this if it helps. an anti-rape crisis center was inaugurated at Pakistan Institute of Medical Sciences in Islamab. Jan. 2024. Check this out if you want. I do not know other ones outside of usa.
This is report from American Academy of Forensic Sciences.

First Anti-Rape Crisis Centre Established in Pakistan Institute of Medical Sciences

www.aafs.org

 

[CicisDoingUnwell]

I am here to talk!

I am got SA'd last year by someone I loved…
I also just want to die. If you want, we can talk about it.

I understand you fully tbh <3

 

[BrainSplatter]

Tw: SA

I'm still in shock and disbelief. I live in such a country with no women rights so ofc the rapist will not have any repercussions :(. I met him on bumble and we met several times and he made me feel safe until one day he took me home and completely changed. It happened a week ago and I feel so FUCKING suicidal and depressed. I was also a virgin and had no experience before. He is a guy who gets women easily and have had gfs and romantic partners before and convinced me he isn't a desperate guy and I can trust him fully. So I don't know why he became so abusive and scary the moment the door was locked. He's 38 I'm in my mid twenties. I felt so disgusting, worthless and unloved. He didn't even use protection I had to take emergency contraceptives all by myself. I've always been suicidal but this one hurts the most like the pain is unbearable. I feel completely DESTROYED mentally and just want to die asap.

I told my friends they tell me it's my fault because why did I go? I can't even tell my family because here any involvement in relationship means I'm asking for it and technically I sat in the car myself so it's consent therefore useless.

Now he's texting me begging for forgiveness and he has "no clue" why he did that. And saying he has daughters of his own and how karma will get to him and shit and please I should forgive him" even sending me pic of him with red crying eyes and how bad he feels and how he's so fearful of god. He wants me to keep on seeing him but this time we'll only have car dates and public dates like restaurants like before so " we will stay in our limits". Also twisting the truth saying we only had a makeout and how I was into it. Saying how his wife loves it and gets even more wilder when they have sex like that.

I don't know how she enjoys it like it was so painful. Physically fighting throwing him off being pushed and pulled being treated like object having fingers shoved inside til it bled. Kissing felt so disgusting too, I then realised how horrible it feels to kiss someone you're not attracted to I thought sex is supposed to be a form of love and start slowly and lovingly but it was just having clothes pulled from you with utmost force the moment the door was locked. Then he had claimed before that he's "good in bed" he didn't even ask if I want to do it he just told me let's go meet his friend at his place then he asked me if we are going to do it so he should buy protection to which I said no we are not doing it so don't buy it.I really thought we were gonna just meet his friend.

Now he's saying he's changed man and will treat me like princess. And do everything I want and buy me everything. We'll have nicer dates in public etc.

My friends and loved ones are just telling me to move on but I can't even get out of bed. I feel utterly lonely and completely hopeless. I just hope that if one day I die he better know he did this to me. He's out there living his best life at 38 and here I'm struggling to even perform basic tasks because of him. I hope he gets old and suffers and dies an agonizing death.

Thanks for reading all that. I would like some support so please message me id be waiting. I'm really sad and need some supportive friends I feel like a tragedy has struck me and I'm going through it all alone.

What you're describing sounds like classic narcissistic behavior - the push and pull, love-bombing, twisting the truth, gaslighting and refusing to take responsibility. I'd cut contact immediately! People like us living with BPD or CPTSD are especially vulnerable to manipulation from people like that and when you're having suicidal thoughts or overwhelmed it's much harder to see danger clearly or to protect yourself and none of that is your fault
You said you were a virgin so bleeding can happen the first time because of the hymen tearing. That happened to me but I'd still go checked at a hospital they can offer you some support

 

[NutOrat]

That's horrible, I'm so sorry. Please if you can reach out to some help, authorities, anything. Other people here on SaSu might help/know resources. You can message me whenever you want, but I don't have much to say on the matter, as I'm not a woman and had a very different case of SA. Take care of yourself

I told my friends they tell me it's my fault because why did I go? I can't even tell my family because here any involvement in relationship means I'm asking for it and technically I sat in the car myself so it's consent therefore useless.

That mentality can fuck off. Consent is revocable ALWAYS, at any point. Anyone who will try to tell you otherwise are either abusers or have internalized the abuse. Never listen to that, you're not at fault in any of this.

 

[Cauliflour]

You said you were a virgin so bleeding can happen the first time because of the hymen tearing.

Wait what. Bleeding? Is that supposed to happen?

 

[Enriqué_Worst_Gen Z]

Im new here but also old here.I had a acc before but then I kinda just lost interest in using my phone for anything other then music to remedy the unbearable sadness.I am so sorry that happened to you,u know when I read abt the cruelties in the world I sometimes feel like I hate every breathing thing, everything that exists,im really bad at articulating how I feel so forgive me but lemme get to the point,I had just committed my first(unserious-cry for help)attempt and was in hospital,and the only reason that place wasn't so bad coz of this girl I met there.We would talk when we smoked cigarettes outside and I was there for quite some time so I got to know her a bit her life and all that.We were talking abt death and all that is wrong and she told me what hpnd to her.She was drugged and sa/d and in that moment I didn't know what to say except sorry so I won't
not no what to say this time.I hope u get justice I hope u choose to live to heal.Her name was Fathima..anyways Incase anyone hasn't said it I want u to live,ok.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

Normally you should be able to go to the police and press charges but I guess the law doesn't always work as it should .

 

[Macedonian1987]

Call me cruel, but if someone raped me I wouldn't channel all that hurt and anger towards myself. I would do my best to hurt the bastard that raped me and make him suffer. He is the one who deserves to be hurt, not me.

 

[lifecanbecruel!]

This should never happen to a person. We live in a cruel world where you have to be very careful, and even then you can still be hurt! This should not have been your first experience of sex! The way that some men think they can take what they want from a woman sexually is just wrong!

 

[Seneca65AD]

1. Realize you are not at fault in anyway;

2. Reach out to authorities as soon as possible. Most nations - but unfortunately not all - have dedicated units for sexual assault. Those units have dedicated counsellors or in the alternative, will put you in touch with professional counsellors. SaSu can be helpful but this type of trauma will need professional assistance.

3. Depending on jurisdiction, you can report the SA/rape to a medical professional. For example, most large hospitals have doctors and/or nurses trained in sexual assault trauma (evidence preservation, notification of authorities, and they will frequently be with you when dealing with the authorities). They will also take pictures of cuts and bruises.

4. Most countries have SA/rape hotlines - contact them as soon as possible. There are 2 major concerns with SA/rape - the first is treatment of the victim and the 2nd is punishment of the perp. Sometimes if the country is not very equal with respect to women's rights, the focus will have to be on treatment.

5. Do not engage with the rapist. Do not meet with him. Do not meet or speak with anyone who represents the rapist - none of his friends or family. Any social engagement will make it easier for him to argue it was simply a misunderstanding - after all, if it were truly rape, why would you continue to see him. He raped you - full-stop. Save all texts and voice mails.

6. The fact you told your friends is important because it establishes that you discussed rape prior to going to the authorities.

7. Don't wash your clothes - if you did - still put them aside and don't wear them - same with shoes, etc.

8. Although this is a CTB site, the pain and trauma of what you went through is much too fresh to even consider CTB. And previous members have already said why should you pay the price for something that is not your fault.

9. Go back to # 1 - this is not your fault.

 

[BeyondSurvival]

I don't have enough experience to say anything helpful, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you're going through.

 

[Seneca65AD]

Oh - one final comment - these are stats from both Canada specifically and North America in general. I still find these stats shocking for a country which preaches equality - I can only imagine the stats for countries with a poor human rights record.

• 
  
• Of every 100 incidents of sexual assault, only 6 are reported to the police
• 1 - 2% of "date rape" sexual assaults are reported to the police
• 1 in 4 North American women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime
• 11% of women have physical injury resulting for sexual assault
• Only 2 - 4% of all sexual assaults reported are false reports
• 60% of sexual abuse/assault victims are under the age of 17
• over 80% of sex crime victims are women
• 80% of sexual assault incidents occur in the home
• 17% of girls under 16 have experienced some form of incest
• 83% of disabled women will be sexual assaulted during their lifetime
• 15% of sexual assault victims are boys under 16
• half of all sexual offenders are married or in long term relationships
• 57% of aboriginal women have been sexually abused
• 1/5th of all sexual assaults involve a weapon of some sort
• 80% of assailants are friends and family of the victim

 

[GlassMoon]

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's not your fault, and that's not what sex is all about between partners.

Did he admit it via text messages to you? You said your country does not care about these kinds of crimes, but maybe you can still save screenshots in case this changes or you find someone you can trust to help you. Maybe put them into an encrypted folder and then delete the conversation and block him.

 

[happysunnydayy]

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's not your fault, and that's not what sex is all about between partners.

Did he admit it via text messages to you? You said your country does not care about these kinds of crimes, but maybe you can still save screenshots in case this changes or you find someone you can trust to help you. Maybe put them into an encrypted folder and then delete the conversation and block him.

I've all the text messages of him admitting to it. I've his socials and can post it to his family but in the previous messages when we were on good terms we had talked romantically so that might sound like I was asking for it (I'm in Pakistan) like saying I want to kiss him etc

1. Realize you are not at fault in anyway;

2. Reach out to authorities as soon as possible. Most nations - but unfortunately not all - have dedicated units for sexual assault. Those units have dedicated counsellors or in the alternative, will put you in touch with professional counsellors. SaSu can be helpful but this type of trauma will need professional assistance.

3. Depending on jurisdiction, you can report the SA/rape to a medical professional. For example, most large hospitals have doctors and/or nurses trained in sexual assault trauma (evidence preservation, notification of authorities, and they will frequently be with you when dealing with the authorities). They will also take pictures of cuts and bruises.

4. Most countries have SA/rape hotlines - contact them as soon as possible. There are 2 major concerns with SA/rape - the first is treatment of the victim and the 2nd is punishment of the perp. Sometimes if the country is not very equal with respect to women's rights, the focus will have to be on treatment.

5. Do not engage with the rapist. Do not meet with him. Do not meet or speak with anyone who represents the rapist - none of his friends or family. Any social engagement will make it easier for him to argue it was simply a misunderstanding - after all, if it were truly rape, why would you continue to see him. He raped you - full-stop. Save all texts and voice mails.

6. The fact you told your friends is important because it establishes that you discussed rape prior to going to the authorities.

7. Don't wash your clothes - if you did - still put them aside and don't wear them - same with shoes, etc.

8. Although this is a CTB site, the pain and trauma of what you went through is much too fresh to even consider CTB. And previous members have already said why should you pay the price for something that is not your fault.

9. Go back to # 1 - this is not your fault.

My parents would find out. :( then they'd take away my rights of going out

Oh - one final comment - these are stats from both Canada specifically and North America in general. I still find these stats shocking for a country which preaches equality - I can only imagine the stats for countries with a poor human rights record.

• 
  
• Of every 100 incidents of sexual assault, only 6 are reported to the police
• 1 - 2% of "date rape" sexual assaults are reported to the police
• 1 in 4 North American women will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime
• 11% of women have physical injury resulting for sexual assault
• Only 2 - 4% of all sexual assaults reported are false reports
• 60% of sexual abuse/assault victims are under the age of 17
• over 80% of sex crime victims are women
• 80% of sexual assault incidents occur in the home
• 17% of girls under 16 have experienced some form of incest
• 83% of disabled women will be sexual assaulted during their lifetime
• 15% of sexual assault victims are boys under 16
• half of all sexual offenders are married or in long term relationships
• 57% of aboriginal women have been sexually abused
• 1/5th of all sexual assaults involve a weapon of some sort
• 80% of assailants are friends and family of the victim

How do men in Canada get away with it? Won't having strict laws and jail time deter them from doing this in the first place?

Call me cruel, but if someone raped me I wouldn't channel all that hurt and anger towards myself. I would do my best to hurt the bastard that raped me and make him suffer. He is the one who deserves to be hurt, not me.

Can you help me ? maybe we can do something online. I've all the evidence.. anonymously
So sorry to hear that. I hope she's ok

Im new here but also old here.I had a acc before but then I kinda just lost interest in using my phone for anything other then music to remedy the unbearable sadness.I am so sorry that happened to you,u know when I read abt the cruelties in the world I sometimes feel like I hate every breathing thing, everything that exists,im really bad at articulating how I feel so forgive me but lemme get to the point,I had just committed my first(unserious-cry for help)attempt and was in hospital,and the only reason that place wasn't so bad coz of this girl I met there.We would talk when we smoked cigarettes outside and I was there for quite some time so I got to know her a bit her life and all that.We were talking abt death and all that is wrong and she told me what hpnd to her.She was drugged and sa/d and in that moment I didn't know what to say except sorry so I won't
not no what to say this time.I hope u get justice I hope u choose to live to heal.Her name was Fathima..anyways Incase anyone hasn't said it I want u to live,ok.

T

I am here to talk!

I am got SA'd last year by someone I loved…
I also just want to die. If you want, we can talk about it.

I understand you fully tbh <3

Thank you you're so kind. He has literally pushed me over the edge and I'm planning my ctb even more seriously now because this isnt something I can just power through.. the entire reason why I didn't do it the day it happened was because my family was awake and they'd see me...

Ws nt ur flt - hs actns r hs own

H/ ws also out lookng fr othr womn whle mrried evn b4 th/ rpe

Slf wld wn2 snd thse msgs t/ hs wfe bt undrstnd tht cld pt u in dangr

Whch cntry r u in - perhps slf cn hlp u fnd a professnl rpe crsis charty wh/ r traind in spportng ppl in ur stuatn t/ hlp mange th/ aftr effcts of th/ damge tht h/ hs dne



"The Anti-Rape Crisis Cell (ARCC) in Karachi, established in August 2023, is Pakistan's first facility designed to provide a comprehensive range of services for survivors of sexual violence. Located at the Office of the Police Surgeon near Civil Hospital Karachi, it offers medical-legal examinations, psychological support, forensic sample collection, and legal assistance, all in one place. The cell follows a victim-centric and gender-neutral approach, allowing for walk-ins, referrals, or a response via ambulance for those who call."

Perhps thy cn also hlp or refr u t/ sme propr spport

He's too rich. He can get out of anything.

 

[At The Bus Stop]

It's incredibly heart wrenching hearing your story - and it adds a weird panic in my life knowing that I have sisters and that they can quite easily be treated the same as this.

Do not listen to your friends and accept blame for what has happened - I'm sure they wouldn't be singing the same tune if it were them in your shoes.

I wouldn't even entertain any communication with him, unless it's done through lawyers or the courts. Sadly, it's very difficult to convict as a lot of the scenarios are "he said, she said". But, I do wish you're able to find an outlet for it all. I see it commonly with social media posts with evidence and then your story. But that would then mean outing what has happened to you, to everyone including family. I find it very concerning that instead of supporting you, your family would stop you being allowed to go out - as an adult, I don't see how they'd be able to prevent it though.

Wishing you all the best

 

[Leonszabs]

First of all, I am so incredibly sorry for what you have been through. That POS deserves to rot in hell and don't listen to anyone who tries to say it is your fault, you did nothing wrong. I really hope you cut him off and don't contact him again, he will only try to hurt you even more. I am always here if you want to talk

 

[Forever Sleep]

This was such an awful experience for you. It's no wonder you are feeling so awful. I don't know why your friends and family are putting any blame on you though. He seemingly gave no indicators that he would turn like this and you made it clear you didn't want this. I hope you can take some time to take care of yourself. I also think it unwise to communicate with him. No matter what he says- he's proved he can be a dangerous man.

 

[happysunnydayy]

This was such an awful experience for you. It's no wonder you are feeling so awful. I don't know why your friends and family are putting any blame on you though. He seemingly gave no indicators that he would turn like this and you made it clear you didn't want this. I hope you can take some time to take care of yourself. I also think it unwise to communicate with him. No matter what he says- he's proved he can be a dangerous man.

Yeah I didn't see it coming. I still don't know why it happened I mean he didn't seem like a desperate man. He made me feel safe always talking about how he wants to protect me and how much respect he has for women and has daughters and sisters of his own etc. now apparently he's a changed man and willing to do anything for me..

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah I didn't see it coming. I still don't know why it happened I mean he didn't seem like a desperate man. He made me feel safe always talking about how he wants to protect me and how much respect he has for women and has daughters and sisters of his own etc. now apparently he's a changed man and willing to do anything for me..

It's difficult to know whether it was all an act to draw you in. Whether something came over him in that moment. Whether it was sonething he genuinely thought you might enjoy. Regardless though- you had made it clear you didn't want sex earlier in the evening. It sounded like you were telling him 'no' throughout. No person who respects another acts like that.

I'm actually concerned that he's trying to draw you in again- in order to do that again. Have you decided what to do? Do you want to keep in contact with him even?

I'd just say- be so careful. It's not quite the same but, a childhood friend of mine ended up with a guy who was violent. She refused to leave him but she did advise: 'You leave the first time they do it.' No matter how supposedly sorry they are. I wouldn't like to say whether either violence or sexual assaults are always repeated but- is it worth the risk?

 

[happysunnydayy]

It's difficult to know whether it was all an act to draw you in. Whether something came over him in that moment. Whether it was sonething he genuinely thought you might enjoy. Regardless though- you had made it clear you didn't want sex earlier in the evening. It sounded like you were telling him 'no' throughout. No person who respects another acts like that.

I'm actually concerned that he's trying to draw you in again- in order to do that again. Have you decided what to do? Do you want to keep in contact with him even?

I'd just say- be so careful. It's not quite the same but, a childhood friend of mine ended up with a guy who was violent. She refused to leave him but she did advise: 'You leave the first time they do it.' No matter how supposedly sorry they are. I wouldn't like to say whether either violence or sexual assaults are always repeated but- is it worth the risk?

Well he stopped because I screamed because it hurt too much so he didn't get to have sex however my hymen did break from his horrible fingering. I just felt very disrespected in that moment like instead of being treated with love and care I was being treated like some toy.

Your childhood friend's man changed after assaulting her like he never did anything bad again?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Well he stopped because I screamed because it hurt too much so he didn't get to have sex however my hymen did break from his horrible fingering. I just felt very disrespected in that moment like instead of being treated with love and care I was being treated like some toy.

Your childhood friend's man changed after assaulting her like he never did anything bad again?

He behaved appallingly. He shouldn't have done any of it- if you'd made it clear you didn't want things to go that far that night. I'm actually still a virgin but other friends have told me that sex can be painful the first time. Of course you want someone who is gentle and loving. Fine if both people want to engage in rougher stuff later but- it needs to have mutual consent.

No- not at all. When I saw my childhood friend, she was limping about on crutches. He had thrown her to the ground and stamped on her ankle- breaking it! The POS. Naturally, everyone was worried sick about her but- she wouldn't leave him. She had a child with him. We lost touch after that. I was fairly young at the time. I suspect my family were trying to protect me. Truthfully- it wouldn't even surprise me if he'd eventually killed her. Coincidentally- her own father had been abusive to her mother. It's frightening how these patterns repeat.

It's not to say one bad action definitely means subsequent ones but it might do. That's really why she advised: 'Leave after the first time' I imagine.

The underlying fact is- those desires are there for him. He's capable of it. He wants that. Even if he's able to control himself in future, do you want to be with a person who wants to do stuff like that? And, if you aren't willing to give him that and he actually respects your wishes, how will you feel if he looks for it elsewhere? It just doesn't strike me as kind or sensitive to treat someone like that on their first time. Is he gentle in other ways? He just seems dangerous to me- if I'm honest.

Some serial rapists/ killers have families. They can be capable of living compartmentalised lives. So- it doesn't really matter how he feels about his sister and daughters. And, while they don't deserve to have the same treatment- he should have been thinking along those lines from the start. How would I feel if some guy did that to them? I wonder if he's done this before.

Are you tempted to still see or be in touch with him? Have you responded to his messages? Is he messaging a lot? Just be really careful.

 

[happysunnydayy]

He behaved appallingly. He shouldn't have done any of it- if you'd made it clear you didn't want things to go that far that night. I'm actually still a virgin but other friends have told me that sex can be painful the first time. Of course you want someone who is gentle and loving. Fine if both people want to engage in rougher stuff later but- it needs to have mutual consent.

No- not at all. When I saw my childhood friend, she was limping about on crutches. He had thrown her to the ground and stamped on her ankle- breaking it! The POS. Naturally, everyone was worried sick about her but- she wouldn't leave him. She had a child with him. We lost touch after that. I was fairly young at the time. I suspect my family were trying to protect me. Truthfully- it wouldn't even surprise me if he'd eventually killed her. Coincidentally- her own father had been abusive to her mother. It's frightening how these patterns repeat.

It's not to say one bad action definitely means subsequent ones but it might do. That's really why she advised: 'Leave after the first time' I imagine.

The underlying fact is- those desires are there for him. He's capable of it. He wants that. Even if he's able to control himself in future, do you want to be with a person who wants to do stuff like that? And, if you aren't willing to give him that and he actually respects your wishes, how will you feel if he looks for it elsewhere? It just doesn't strike me as kind or sensitive to treat someone like that on their first time. Is he gentle in other ways? He just seems dangerous to me- if I'm honest.

Some serial rapists/ killers have families. They can be capable of living compartmentalised lives. So- it doesn't really matter how he feels about his sister and daughters. And, while they don't deserve to have the same treatment- he should have been thinking along those lines from the start. How would I feel if some guy did that to them? I wonder if he's done this before.

Are you tempted to still see or be in touch with him? Have you responded to his messages? Is he messaging a lot? Just be really careful.

He behaved appallingly. He shouldn't have done any of it- if you'd made it clear you didn't want things to go that far that night. I'm actually still a virgin but other friends have told me that sex can be painful the first time. Of course you want someone who is gentle and loving. Fine if both people want to engage in rougher stuff later but- it needs to have mutual consent.

No- not at all. When I saw my childhood friend, she was limping about on crutches. He had thrown her to the ground and stamped on her ankle- breaking it! The POS. Naturally, everyone was worried sick about her but- she wouldn't leave him. She had a child with him. We lost touch after that. I was fairly young at the time. I suspect my family were trying to protect me. Truthfully- it wouldn't even surprise me if he'd eventually killed her. Coincidentally- her own father had been abusive to her mother. It's frightening how these patterns repeat.

It's not to say one bad action definitely means subsequent ones but it might do. That's really why she advised: 'Leave after the first time' I imagine.

The underlying fact is- those desires are there for him. He's capable of it. He wants that. Even if he's able to control himself in future, do you want to be with a person who wants to do stuff like that? And, if you aren't willing to give him that and he actually respects your wishes, how will you feel if he looks for it elsewhere? It just doesn't strike me as kind or sensitive to treat someone like that on their first time. Is he gentle in other ways? He just seems dangerous to me- if I'm honest.

Some serial rapists/ killers have families. They can be capable of living compartmentalised lives. So- it doesn't really matter how he feels about his sister and daughters. And, while they don't deserve to have the same treatment- he should have been thinking along those lines from the start. How would I feel if some guy did that to them? I wonder if he's done this before.

Are you tempted to still see or be in touch with him? Have you responded to his messages? Is he messaging a lot? Just be really careful.

Honestly I just don't understand how can you love someone and care about them and then treat them this horribly like it was so painful in all aspects. They was no consent but that didn't matter to him. I feel like he wants me back because he didn't get to do what he wanted. I'm just grieving the loss of someone whom I thought he was. It sucks because our previous dates went so nice honestly I was so happy before. He seemed like such a genuine kind person. He does text me once in a while and tells me to meet up in a restaurant or something whatever and forget everything and be friends again. But idk how to forget the painful past tho. I don't think I want to meet up or talk to him again. He's hurt me terribly and isn't even guilty