Got manipulated into a relationship now I’m dead ass alone

[uselesslife2002]

So im 20, I was lied to and manipulated into coming into a relationship with a 34 year old man. He basically showed me love something I never had from anyone so I wanted to be with him. Then I moved in with him and it's been hell. He's gone for 12 hours a day. We live in a small ass apartment , I'm so lonely my parents hate me and think I'm a whore. No friends. Can't even find a job, it's difficult without a car. Then when he comes home I have to act like I love him and make him dinner

I want to leave him so badly but where does one go? No money no anything? Life on the streets? Be homeless? I'm so suicidal I can't believe I even came here states away to be with him

 

[MidnightDream]

I'm so sorry :( I've been in a similar situation.. I was 16 with a 25 year old. I had no choice but to stay with him or else become homeless. I don't know how much I can say in terms of advice bc I'm UK based and I don't know the intricacies of your situation.. But there's always ways out, there's always options, and you have a friend right here. It's gonna be okay

 

[uselesslife2002]

I'm so sorry :( I've been in a similar situation.. I was 16 with a 25 year old. I had no choice but to stay with him or else become homeless. I don't know how much I can say in terms of advice bc I'm UK based and I don't know the intricacies of your situation.. But there's always ways out, there's always options, and you have a friend right here. It's gonna be okay

I have no idea how to get out. It fucking sucks. Everyone says go to a homeless shelter but for some reason I doubt they can help

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Maybe not what you want to hear, but maybe it's time for some heavy-duty groveling, as thick as you can lay it out, to your parents.

 

[MellowAvenue]

I hate it but if you want to get out of there, and I strongly advise you do ASAP, but aren't yet ready to CTB this may just be one of those times where you have to bet on yourself and have a little blind faith. If you have any connections that you think may help you (including parents UNLESS that really is leaving one toxic situation for another one, that's for you to decide), maybe turn those stones first. Afterwards, if none of those work out, try one of your local homeless rescue shelters. Generally I'm not a fan TBH (But I'm also speaking as a man, I've heard better things, for the most part, about women oriented shelters), but it does help some people. Just try to take advantage of any resources they offer to pull yourself out of this.

I hope this all works out for you one way or another. It sucks when love is a tool used just to draw someone in for their abuse.

 

[Smart No More]

Obvious questions, for the sake of clarity and understanding .....

-Have you asked why he goes and where he goes for 12hrs?

-Does he pay his way towards the home? (rent, bills and food)

-Is there violence or abuse? It sounds like there could be some emotional and mental abuse but there's always two sides to a story....

-Are there any children or relevant dependants to consider?

- Is there a local church organisation or domestic abuse shelter? I know you haven't said he's abusive but abuse comes in many forms and a domestic abuse shelter will have any and all info available on options to flee a bad partner without becoming destitute. If you have the day to yourself you couls go and get some advice. I think they support people in moves in whatever waya available. Financially and strategically. Sometimes a "half way house" is offered but that's usually for people in a situation where they need to leave immediately foe their safety.

 

[wantittoendsoon]

I wish you were close to me, I also am all alone. unfortunately I'm going to CTB relatively soon whether I want to or not(Terminal Cancer) but if you need a friend feel free to contact me, maybe we can support each other at least for a while.

 

[uselesslife2002]

I wish you were close to me, I also am all alone. unfortunately I'm going to CTB relatively soon whether I want to or not(Terminal Cancer) but if you need a friend feel free to contact me, maybe we can support each other at least for a while.

I don't know how to contact on here since I'm new so please message me I'd like to

 

[tradecode62]

Call your parents, admit that you made a mistake.. even if they won't help you, it will be a step in the right direction of you handling yourself as an adult.. it takes courage to admit to mistakes

 

[MidnightDream]

Why dont you go look for someone you actually like and move in? Theres loads of men without a partner. This is female privilege. You dont do anything all day and still men are kind enough to take you into their home and pay everything for you. If you were a man you would already be living on the street.

This is a pretty biased perspective and not necessarily accurate.
Also not very helpful to this person in this situation either

 

[freedompass]

Why dont you go look for someone you actually like and move in? Theres loads of men without a partner. This is female privilege. You dont do anything all day and still men are kind enough to take you into their home and pay everything for you. If you were a man you would already be living on the street.

Reported

 

[justwanasleep]

Oh shit this is why i never have or would move in with a man! Sorry I know that doesn't help.

Like a previous poster said grovel like fuck to your parents and try to leave him. And don't beat yourself up, you are young and made a mistake. You will hopefully learn your lesson and not jump into a wife type role again when things aren't right.
I really hope you get sorted I can't imagine how your feeling. Best of luck.

 

[Snatsbats]

Reported

Oooh nooo! You got me. What if i got banned. I cant just make another account on here easily. I think i might kill myself now. Lmfao

 

[almaranthine]

Oooh nooo! You got me. What if i got banned. I cant just make another account on here easily. I think i might kill myself now. Lmfao

Just had to try to get that last word in, huh? You think it's okay for a woman to be in an abusive situation just because the man is "taking care" of her? Really? Did you respawn into this world from 1950s Alabama? Regardless of your extremely sexist and hateful views, WHY would you post that on a thread like this where someone is in a desperate situation and trying to reach out? I just don't understand how someone can find this site, and then come on here and make a suicidal individual feel even worse. Shameful behavior.

 

[Snatsbats]

Just had to try to get that last word in, huh? You think it's okay for a woman to be in an abusive situation just because the man is "taking care" of her? Really? Did you respawn into this world from 1950s Alabama? Regardless of your extremely sexist and hateful views, WHY would you post that on a thread like this where someone is in a desperate situation and trying to reach out? I just don't understand how someone can find this site, and then come on here and make a suicidal individual feel even worse. Shameful behavior.

Where did she state she is abused? Quote it for me. She is clearly manipulating the men into believing that she loves him so she can stay at his home where she can live for free. She is the one thats is using a man. Not the other way around.

Im sick of people always picking the wonens side although they are the bad ones.

Now watch them not give 2 shits about about a guy having any kind of trouble. a lonely man is called a loser. and a homless man is a failure who couldn't take care of himself. I'm kind of happy everything is basically crashing and burning. happy fun times ahead for every previously pampered moron. you can ban me if you like. I already got my method and ready to leave this hellhole.

Indeed im sick of the matriarchical world where women have everything better. Easier sex, reproduction rights, 60% lower prison time for the same crimes, they get more empathy, patarnity fraud, totally destroying men in divorce court. No shit more men kill themselves if we have to live with such awful people. Women get rewarded for their bad behavior, no consequences. And they know it all to well

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Now watch them not give 2 shits about about a guy having any kind of trouble. a lonely man is called a loser. and a homless man is a failure who couldn't take care of himself. I'm kind of happy everything is basically crashing and burning. happy fun times ahead for every previously pampered moron.

Well, even if this was true, isn't it better that they at least care about half of the population instead of literally no one? They'd then be closer to expanding their empathy to the rest of us, no?

Where did she state she is abused? Quote it for me.

I was lied to and manipulated into coming into a relationship

I'd wager this counts as psychological abuse.

Im sick of people always picking the wonens side although they are the bad ones.

Indeed im sick of the matriarchical world where women have everything better. Easier sex, reproduction rights, 60% lower prison time for the same crimes, they get more empathy, patarnity fraud, totally destroying men in divorce court. No shit more men kill themselves if we have to live with such awful people. Women get rewarded for their bad behavior, no consequences. And they know it all to well

Isn't the problem that some men have it too hard in some aspects, then? Even so, I don't see how those points are relevant to us. It also looks like you're overgeneralizing.

Anyway, this thread is about one individual who ended up in a bad situation and is looking for help. There might be some threads in off-topic (that haven't been locked yet) where this type of writing is better suited.

 

[releasespieces]

Call your parents, admit that you made a mistake.. even if they won't help you, it will be a step in the right direction of you handling yourself as an adult.. it takes courage to admit to mistakes

Running back to parents who are quite likely the source of this irregular behavior sounds like a bad idea, certainly not an adult move. The homeless shelter would be better in some regards, but those places carry their own pros and cons. Being young and having intimate relationships are always a learning process, a quite painful one at times, but a source for some serious introspection. Usually people are looking to someone else to fulfill a need that they themselves can not. It sounds like an awfully scary situation for someone so young and vulnerable. Maybe the OP has a friend they could stay with or a different family member besides their parents.

 

[tradecode62]

Running back to parents who are quite likely the source of this irregular behavior sounds like a bad idea, certainly not an adult move. The homeless shelter would be better in some regards, but those places carry their own pros and cons. Being young and having intimate relationships are always a learning process, a quite painful one at times, but a source for some serious introspection. Usually people are looking to someone else to fulfill a need that they themselves can not. It sounds like an awfully scary situation for someone so young and vulnerable. Maybe the OP has a friend they could stay with or a different family member besides their parents.

I was responding to the OP, not you, just fyi.

 

[Smart No More]

Where did she state she is abused? Quote it for me. She is clearly manipulating the men into believing that she loves him so she can stay at his home where she can live for free. She is the one thats is using a man. Not the other way around.

Im sick of people always picking the wonens side although they are the bad ones.

Indeed im sick of the matriarchical world where women have everything better. Easier sex, reproduction rights, 60% lower prison time for the same crimes, they get more empathy, patarnity fraud, totally destroying men in divorce court. No shit more men kill themselves if we have to live with such awful people. Women get rewarded for their bad behavior, no consequences. And they know it all to well

Yet somehow they still get half the wage of a man for doing the exact same job. God how greatful they ahould be.

Your attitude is disgusting!


I partially feel like maybe something happened to you which made you jaded and maybe that is true but I feel it important to point out and stress to you that your understanding of the world has become somewhat skewed. Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely inboard with every bit of modren femisism, though I consider myself a feminist by default. I also probably underestimate the steuggles of some and maybe need to fully educate myself in some area. Not just in feminism but in many areas. But I am aware that sometimes my knee jerk reactions might be formed on purely my own experiences and not those of a larger picture. This, is healthy approach to understanding and reevaluating your world views. Blanket condoning ill stance on anything is what ultimately fuels the likes of Putin and the rest of the perpetrators of extreme terror and atrocities on people. Maybe you'll spit bile at me. Maybe you will take this onboard.

 

[Snatsbats]

Yet somehow they still get half the wage of a man for doing the exact same job. God how greatful they ahould be.

Your attitude is disgusting!


I partially feel like maybe something happened to you which made you jaded and maybe that is true but I feel it important to point out and stress to you that your understanding of the world has become somewhat skewed. Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely inboard with every bit of modren femisism, though I consider myself a feminist by default. I also probably underestimate the steuggles of some and maybe need to fully educate myself in some area. Not just in feminism but in many areas. But I am aware that sometimes my knee jerk reactions might be formed on purely my own experiences and not those of a larger picture. This, is healthy approach to understanding and reevaluating your world views. Blanket condoning ill stance on anything is what ultimately fuels the likes of Putin and the rest of the perpetrators of extreme terror and atrocities on people. Maybe you'll spit bile at me. Maybe you will take this onboard.

The wage gap is a myth. Google has researched it and if you count in things like hours on the job full-time or parttime women make 6 dollars more than men. Most women get pregnant and start working less hours. Ofcourse you are going to get paid less.

 

[Un-]

The wage gap is a myth. Google has researched it and if you count in things like hours on the job full-time or parttime women make 6 dollars more than men. Most women get pregnant and start working less hours. Ofcourse you are going to get paid less.

Moments like these where I wish my post wasn't locked:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/incellular-posts.80154/

 

[Smart No More]

The wage gap is a myth. Google has researched it and if you count in things like hours on the job full-time or parttime women make 6 dollars more than men. Most women get pregnant and start working less hours. Ofcourse you are going to get paid less.

Maybe I picked the wrong thing to highlight. The pay gap is a more complex matter these days but the true fact is that not so long back there was literally a wage for women and a wage for men much like there is for different ages. Obviously this varies around the world so it's not a hard and fast rule. It does indicate something though and it has it's real connotations.

Some women do use their womanly assets to manipulate men and make their way through life. The thing is this is a small subset of PEOPLE and MEN do things of a similarly distasteful nature. It's exploitation and where the opportunity arises there will always be someone that make full use of it. To claim that everyone does this is naive and shows a lack of understanding of the complexity of humans and reality. I hope you will come to realise that not all people are so simple as to be the same and that some uphold theirsleves with honour and general decency. They do appear to becoming fewer and further between but perpetuating the myth there is no distinctions , tarring all with the same feather just serves you badly. Ironically creating the issue incels rage against.


All this shouldn't need discussing in a persons thread when they're searching help and advice.

I feel the better option would have been to ignore the incel based comment and seen it for what it is as we've only further helped to derail OP's thread so from here I won't be replying to anything off topic to the original post.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

All the OP wanted was to reach out and maybe get some advice about a bad situation that they admittedly got themselves into. How did it become a toxic incel thread?

 

[Smart No More]

All the OP wanted was to reach out and maybe get some advice about a bad situation that they admittedly got themselves into. How did it become a toxic incel thread?

I agree. I hope a mod will be able to delete a few posts to clean up the thread a bit. Mine included.

Last thing OP needs is all this.

Let's get it back on topic.


Maybe @uselesslife2002 couls update us? Do you have any thoughts on an action plan at this point?

 

[Himalayan]

Where did she state she is abused? Quote it for me. She is clearly manipulating the men into believing that she loves him so she can stay at his home where she can live for free. She is the one thats is using a man. Not the other way around.

Im sick of people always picking the wonens side although they are the bad ones.

Indeed im sick of the matriarchical world where women have everything better. Easier sex, reproduction rights, 60% lower prison time for the same crimes, they get more empathy, patarnity fraud, totally destroying men in divorce court. No shit more men kill themselves if we have to live with such awful people. Women get rewarded for their bad behavior, no consequences. And they know it all to well

Clearly the one in the vulnerable position is the one that can manipulate.
I don't think you believe any word of what you said there.

 

[swanlife]

I don't know where you live but here in Germany there are houses special for women who want to escape from their home. They help with everything. Maybe you can find such a place, often churches offer also help. Call the suicide hotline, maybe they have an address. You're young, don't give up.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

I'm kind of happy everything is basically crashing and burning. happy fun times ahead for every previously pampered moron.

It doesn't make sense to assume that OP was 'previously pampered' because it's children who have been sexually/physically/psychologically abused and/or grew up in a home with DV who are at a much higher risk of getting in to and staying in abusive or neglectful relationships as adults.

It seems like the solution is to leave but there are lots of reasons why it's not easy or even possible.

- Learned helplessness, which often stems from long term childhood abuse or neglect, it's also caused by depression and anxiety.

- They're still in love with their partner.

- They still hope that things will go back to how they were before the abuse/neglect started because there are still some good periods.

- They're isolated with no support to fall back on.

- They can't stay in a shelter with strangers because of social anxiety, agoraphobia, ASD or other reasons.

- Fear of leaving because the abuser is threatening to hurt them, their kids, their pets, or themselves, they're threatening to out them if they're LGBTQ, or threatening them with revenge porn.

- Very few shelters accept pets and they don't want to give them away or leave them behind with a violent and possibly vengeful person.

- Insecure immigration status, they may fear being deported and don't have access to help with accommodation or benefits.

- Disability or health conditions which make it difficult to leave, their abusive partner might also be their care giver.

- Not wanting to break up the family unit or uproot the lives of their children.

- Asking friends or family for help isn't easy because of feelings of embarrassment or guilt, in the same way that people often find it difficult to ask for help about other issues.

Because of a combination of these reasons it takes an average of 7 attempts before someone permanently leaves an abusive or neglectful partner.

Edit: I'm not suggesting that OP shouldn't try to leave, these are just some general reasons why some people can't.

 

[ConstantPain]

I'm living in a somewhat similar condition and sympathize with the feeling of being trapped. I'm considerably older but have no options to live with family. If your parents home wasn't abusive, it may be worth calling them and honestly talking about your feelings. They may be able to help, especially around the holidays.

Going to a shelter doesn't seem like an option for me because I work in that field. If you're in an area with shelters, it could be a positive option for you. I suggest researching HUD funded programs in your area. There might be programs for permanent supportive housing, rapid rehousing, transitional housing and even opportunities for EHV (Emergency Housing Voucher) subsidies through local housing authorities. Going to a shelter makes you eligible for those types of opportunities and you may even be prioritized if you are fleeing domestic violence and because you're still considered a youth (up to age 24 for HUD).
I hope you are able to work something out. Feeling trapped definitely sucks.

 

[releasespieces]

I was responding to the OP, not you, just fyi.

I know you were and I was critiquing what you suggested they do. You don't have to like my opinion, but I'm still entitled to it. The OP will have to make up their own mind about what to do. That's a very adult thing to do, debate and have varying opinions without becoming overly sensitive and taking things personally.

 

[TakeMeBack07]

I'm confused. Where is the abuse?