jatty
zero emotional regulation
- Nov 13, 2023
- 150
So i got news surrounding my uni and scholarship.
I thought i lost everything because of my ptsd and gave up on everything; but it turns out my scholarships are still viable and i was able to relocate to an even better uni, in a twist of fate and weird exceptions (my head hurts), and i get to have a year long leave.
So I get to run away from my past, money worry free, and a break to just relax. I even have opportunities opened up to travel across the country and do volunteer work, and i got a new car with help from my family.
But i just want to die. I just dont want to do anything at all. I dont care about it. My mind is honestly all over the place right now. If I traveled, im probably going to go to sit at a beach and feel absolutely nothing.
I feel like my entire existence is this one stream of thought that isnt even real, and that im nothing. Nothing is real to me anymore.
I dont know. People would die to be in my position, but i just want to die.
Im not even sure what to call this anymore. Ive always had MDD but this feels severe and like im going crazy.
I thought i lost everything because of my ptsd and gave up on everything; but it turns out my scholarships are still viable and i was able to relocate to an even better uni, in a twist of fate and weird exceptions (my head hurts), and i get to have a year long leave.
So I get to run away from my past, money worry free, and a break to just relax. I even have opportunities opened up to travel across the country and do volunteer work, and i got a new car with help from my family.
But i just want to die. I just dont want to do anything at all. I dont care about it. My mind is honestly all over the place right now. If I traveled, im probably going to go to sit at a beach and feel absolutely nothing.
I feel like my entire existence is this one stream of thought that isnt even real, and that im nothing. Nothing is real to me anymore.
I dont know. People would die to be in my position, but i just want to die.
Im not even sure what to call this anymore. Ive always had MDD but this feels severe and like im going crazy.
