Softwind
Member
- May 22, 2023
- 39
Hello,
In 1 hour, I'll finally drink SN and die.
That's it folks, my sad little life will come to an end.
(Text below is a vent; skip if it gets tiring)
I wish it were all different, I wanted to have a loving and normal family and friends, but I guess I was given a bad hand. The reality I wanted simply became a fantasy.
After having to handle my unstable family (who physically and mentally abused me) , bullying and my social phobia for years, I just got tired. People say that you have to keep going and stay strong and work hard. But for what? Why do I have to suffer for no reason?
Working hard was why I got bullied. While I'm far from a genius, I was a great student, which made my classmates bully and isolate me calling me "nerd", "weirdo", among other things. Naturally, it caused me to fear people (and no, my teachers didn't care, if anything they also mistreated me) and I never got any close friends, I feel really lonely...
I tried so hard, 'it's for your future" they said. Afterwards I went to a different school system, and there I was considered a huge moron because I didn't speak their local language and encountered subjects I never had before. Oh well, guess I wasn't "nerd" enough for them. All that hard work for nothing.
My family was either absent or "overbearing", all of them had violent outbursts, which I had to tolerate for years. My brother and father always treated me like shit, they hit and yelled at me so many times, I always have to watch my step around them. I hate having to pretend I love them, specially my father. I hate that disgusting deadbeat.
Which reminds me, I'm not totally innocent either. I also did bad things, things I regret. I also wish I had been better, as guilt is one of the things that pushed me to ctb. So, I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done and all the people I hurt.
It may be kinda random, but I also wanted to admit that I'm gay. I just wanted to say it cause I never had the courage to admit it to anyone, specially since my family would despise me even more.
And I don't know what else to say. Maybe this all sounds silly or scattered, but those are the main things I wanted to say. This will be the only chance I have to tell what really happened to me and how I really feel.
So yeah, goodbye world. I won't miss you.
In 1 hour, I'll finally drink SN and die.
That's it folks, my sad little life will come to an end.
(Text below is a vent; skip if it gets tiring)
I wish it were all different, I wanted to have a loving and normal family and friends, but I guess I was given a bad hand. The reality I wanted simply became a fantasy.
After having to handle my unstable family (who physically and mentally abused me) , bullying and my social phobia for years, I just got tired. People say that you have to keep going and stay strong and work hard. But for what? Why do I have to suffer for no reason?
Working hard was why I got bullied. While I'm far from a genius, I was a great student, which made my classmates bully and isolate me calling me "nerd", "weirdo", among other things. Naturally, it caused me to fear people (and no, my teachers didn't care, if anything they also mistreated me) and I never got any close friends, I feel really lonely...
I tried so hard, 'it's for your future" they said. Afterwards I went to a different school system, and there I was considered a huge moron because I didn't speak their local language and encountered subjects I never had before. Oh well, guess I wasn't "nerd" enough for them. All that hard work for nothing.
My family was either absent or "overbearing", all of them had violent outbursts, which I had to tolerate for years. My brother and father always treated me like shit, they hit and yelled at me so many times, I always have to watch my step around them. I hate having to pretend I love them, specially my father. I hate that disgusting deadbeat.
Which reminds me, I'm not totally innocent either. I also did bad things, things I regret. I also wish I had been better, as guilt is one of the things that pushed me to ctb. So, I'm sorry for all the bad things I've done and all the people I hurt.
It may be kinda random, but I also wanted to admit that I'm gay. I just wanted to say it cause I never had the courage to admit it to anyone, specially since my family would despise me even more.
And I don't know what else to say. Maybe this all sounds silly or scattered, but those are the main things I wanted to say. This will be the only chance I have to tell what really happened to me and how I really feel.
So yeah, goodbye world. I won't miss you.
I'm sorry the world couldn't do better for you or us.
