Discussion Goodbye threads makes me regret being less active in pursuing suicide

[Dusk till dawn]

When i see goodbye threads i feel like i've done a grave sin for staying this long, there's a lot of people getting their ticket and riding the bus, and what i am doing? Goodbye threads makes me reflect back on myself and how lazy i am and motivates to start being more active in pursuing suicide methods, i just want to be on the other side, death seems amazing, i'll start by taking drugs to change my mood to be able to start pursuing suicide, i should start experimenting with riskier methods and just waiting for the perfect circumstances to suicide, it's not like i'll ever find SN

 

[rokonie]

This is a feeling I know all too well from being in other mental-illness spaces. Whether we mean to or not, we're going to subconsciously compare our suffering to those around us and feel less valid or not doing "enough" because it seems like there's always someone who is more in pain, has more guts, etc. I think if you see someone ctb and your response is that you feel bad for not pursuing it just as much, that's definitely not normal (to a non-suicidal person's standard), you aren't being lazy.
I respect your choice to do whatever you think is best for you ofc, I wasn't saying that to talk you out of it. Your post just related to stuff I feel a lot and if anyone else doesn't feel like they're trying hard enough or anything, I wanted to reassure that you don't need to be actively trying to ctb to be real.

 

[LostSoul1965]

When i see goodbye threads i feel like i've done a grave sin for staying this long, there's a lot of people getting their ticket and riding the bus, and what i am doing? Goodbye threads makes me reflect back on myself and how lazy i am and motivates to start being more active in pursuing suicide methods, i just want to be on the other side, death seems amazing, i'll start by taking drugs to change my mood to be able to start pursuing suicide, i should start experimenting with riskier methods and just waiting for the perfect circumstances to suicide, it's not like i'll ever find SN

Actually if you follow along very closely you will find that most "goodbye" threads end up being false alarms. The OP usually backs out for whatever reason. SI is a beast. Alot even post multiple threads. Those who actually follow through are rare. Nobody said this was easy. Maybe another form of getting attention or crying for help. We are all suffering for one reason or another. Why we are all here. Everybody has to do what's right for them and find peace in whatever they decide to do. Be it recovery or commiting to a method and following through with it. Don't be too hard on yourself. You will figure out what is right for you.

 

[Surai]

Your bus example is right on, feels like theres an infinite red rope shooting past my side and there are hands of smiling people covered in a bright light, and I feel left out. Like I should grab that rope and join them. Like the house next door is having a big party that is never ending and The doors are open letting people in.

 

[ShinyScissors]

I am in the same boat. I need to get it done and over with. If a child can do it why can't I?

 

[Ash]

Just remember that it's not a competition.

Don't give yourself more reasons to hate yourself / beat yourself / whatever as (IMHO) this one doesn't count.

(Edited for clarity)

 

[Forveleth]

There are also people who have been on this site for years and have been suicidal longer than some forum members have been alive but have never made a goodbye thread because they just aren't ready. Suicide, like life itself, is an individual journey unique to each person, so comparing yours to anyone else's is useless. If you aren't ready yet, then you aren't ready and there is no shame in that.