Goodbye thread. Been on here since 2018 and finally ending it.

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Trying to organise another escort after the one I was going to see cancelled on me at the last minute. They are either not replying or trying to scam me.

It would take too long to explain and even then, no one would fully understand it apart from me because I was the one who lived it. I have other problems too. I tried turning my life around back in 2018 when I thought I would do it but ended up not doing it. Since then, things got worse and other unfortunate circumstances (partly my fault, partly out of my control) have led me to this. I have been on here 4 years so it's not like I haven't tried at life. Other people join here and ctb in their first month. I have no choice but to do it this time.


edit: I have booked a different escort for early tomorrow. I hope she does not cancel. I won't be ctbing until tomorrow. I was going to do it today.

I just wanted to say hi and wish you a peaceful journey.
I think we joined around the same time. I'm happy for you and sad at the same time.
I don't have an answer for your question about a sweetner ... I had asked that same question before but I don't think there was a clear answer.
My personal thoughts is that a little would not be bad but it's not a scientific answer.
The site is so different from when we first started.... Maybe we've changed too.
I know the saying "Things were simpler back then" Seems like it applies here too.
There wasn't scrutiny from prolifers, you could discuss things more freely.
Most of those members are gone... For whatever reason.

Anyway, I wish you the best and hope you find freedom from your pain.

 

[Rounded Agony]

This is the first goodbye thread I've caught in-progress...kudos to your for hanging on so long and doing your due diligence in trying to change your situation. Sometimes I wonder if the falsehood many of us are sold about being masters of our own destiny contributes to our feelings of wanting to leave this world early...just look at the audacity of your current predicament: even in this horrible transactional capitalist world, people who are literally making a living by selling intimate encounters (not saying anything about them but if anything it applies to their being in that situation too) aren't even coming through for you! Makes me feel a bit less bad about being ghosted by regular old dating app people, as selfish a thought that is (but hopefully made you chuckle).

Concerning the sugar, I'm no expert but I personally would just not risk it. If things go as you plan it will be one of the last things you do and maybe just having something palatable right before and after would help. Or trying to swallow it without it really touching your tongue? I don't know if you'll be lonely, or if you'll end up going through with things tomorrow, but I will hope to be "here" when you go...whatever that means in this weird virtual world.

Best of luck in the coming hours

 

[Made4TV]

When they use this in places where it's legal, to my knowledge they don't mix it. I actually found that eating something super salty after drinking something bitter was slightly better to me than what they do overseas, which is to have the person eat a small piece of chocolate right after. Either way I'm guessing a little might not hurt but if it was me I wouldn't risk it and would just concentrate on getting it down and then popping something else right in your mouth.

That said, I'm sorry you're in this place. I'm an old-timer like you, from 2018. If you want to wait longer, no shame in that. You'll have this place to come back to. If you go, I wish you a peaceful bus ride.

 

[I want to end it]

I am going to see an escort, if she doesn't cancel. I'm not in a great mood but I still will.

After that I will taste a small amount of N to see what it tastes like and see what effect it has. It will be a small amount so at worst it would make me go to sleep for 12-24 hours.

I just wanted to say hi and wish you a peaceful journey.
I think we joined around the same time. I'm happy for you and sad at the same time.
I don't have an answer for your question about a sweetner ... I had asked that same question before but I don't think there was a clear answer.
My personal thoughts is that a little would not be bad but it's not a scientific answer.
The site is so different from when we first started.... Maybe we've changed too.
I know the saying "Things were simpler back then" Seems like it applies here too.
There wasn't scrutiny from prolifers, you could discuss things more freely.
Most of those members are gone... For whatever reason.

Anyway, I wish you the best and hope you find freedom from your pain.

Wow I didn't know there was anyone on here still alive who created an account before me. You were here since the very beginning. Thank you!

This is the first goodbye thread I've caught in-progress...kudos to your for hanging on so long and doing your due diligence in trying to change your situation. Sometimes I wonder if the falsehood many of us are sold about being masters of our own destiny contributes to our feelings of wanting to leave this world early...just look at the audacity of your current predicament: even in this horrible transactional capitalist world, people who are literally making a living by selling intimate encounters (not saying anything about them but if anything it applies to their being in that situation too) aren't even coming through for you! Makes me feel a bit less bad about being ghosted by regular old dating app people, as selfish a thought that is (but hopefully made you chuckle).

Concerning the sugar, I'm no expert but I personally would just not risk it. If things go as you plan it will be one of the last things you do and maybe just having something palatable right before and after would help. Or trying to swallow it without it really touching your tongue? I don't know if you'll be lonely, or if you'll end up going through with things tomorrow, but I will hope to be "here" when you go...whatever that means in this weird virtual world.

Best of luck in the coming hours

Thank you and yes I agree.

When they use this in places where it's legal, to my knowledge they don't mix it. I actually found that eating something super salty after drinking something bitter was slightly better to me than what they do overseas, which is to have the person eat a small piece of chocolate right after. Either way I'm guessing a little might not hurt but if it was me I wouldn't risk it and would just concentrate on getting it down and then popping something else right in your mouth.

That said, I'm sorry you're in this place. I'm an old-timer like you, from 2018. If you want to wait longer, no shame in that. You'll have this place to come back to. If you go, I wish you a peaceful bus ride.

No I can't wait any longer this time. I knew when I created a goodbye thread, I would be definitely doing it. It's sad that my life has ended up this way but I can't live it any longer. I can't afford a failed attempt either so it has to work.

 

[hush hush]

I am going to see an escort, if she doesn't cancel. I'm not in a great mood but I still will.

After that I will taste a small amount of N to see what it tastes like and see what effect it has. It will be a small amount so at worst it would make me go to sleep for 12-24 hours.

Wow I didn't know there was anyone on here still alive who created an account before me. You were here since the very beginning. Thank you!

Thank you and yes I agree.

No I can't wait any longer this time. I knew when I created a goodbye thread, I would be definitely doing it. It's sad that my life has ended up this way but I can't live it any longer. I can't afford a failed attempt either so it has to work.

Generally, it would be good not to taste anything, bc N is addictive. Your body should not have the opportunity to get used to it, if you want to be potent and effective. Personally, I would try a benzocaine mouthwash before my SN so that it won't taste unpleasant.

 

[I want to end it]

I'm getting nervous before seeing this escort now.

Generally, it would be good not to taste anything, bc N is addictive. Your body should not have the opportunity to get used to it, if you want to be potent and effective. Personally, I would try a benzocaine mouthwash before my SN so that it won't taste unpleasant.

Not even a small drop? I don't mind if it's addictive because I will be drinking it all soon after anyway.

 

[jk9761]

you must of gotten your n a long time ago , how long have you stored it

 

[hush hush]

I'm getting nervous before seeing this escort now.

Not even a small drop? I don't mind if it's addictive because I will be drinking it all soon after anyway.

It would be good to open it once, when you are absolutely ready to consume it all. These substances are not intended for trial and you may not know how to store it properly after opening it. No need to try it as long as you have a benzocaine mouthwash before or any strong mouthwash that reduces flavor.

 

[Pluto]

From my understanding, it is safe to extract a sample using a syringe, as this does not expose it to air. I'm not aware of anyone having issues from doing a one-off taste test.

One of our people failed in an N attempt due to being overwhelmed by the taste, but on a second attempt used Stevia (not sure if taken separately or mixed with it) and now she is no longer with us.

All blessings and love to you whatever you choose.

 

[I want to end it]

I saw the escort. She was really nice. I initially set the appointment for 30 minutes but she ended up seeing me for 1 hour and only charging for 30 minutes. She stayed for 1 hour because we spent a lot of time kissing and I was giving her oral sex and rimming and she was enjoying those a lot (hope I'm allowed to say those things). She said I made her climax and I think she was telling the truth from her heavy breathing and grabbing my head forcefully. But if she didn't, she was good at faking it and I enjoyed the experience.

She was also only a temporary escort. She said she was doing this to help pay for her university education. She's moving back to university in a week.

She asked if I was autistic at the end of it. I told her yes. I'm a highly functioning autistic and that makes life very extremely difficult for me.

So momentarily I feel happy after that. However I'm still forced to ctb. I used the last of my money on that escort. I will be kicked out from where I live next month. On top of all the other issues I have, I have to do it.

you must of gotten your n a long time ago , how long have you stored it

I got it last year and been storing it since then.

It would be good to open it once, when you are absolutely ready to consume it all. These substances are not intended for trial and you may not know how to store it properly after opening it. No need to try it as long as you have a benzocaine mouthwash before or any strong mouthwash that reduces flavor.

I opened 1 bottle 2 days ago to smell the N. I know you say don't try it and I feel bad to go against your advice but I will try some very shortly.

From my understanding, it is safe to extract a sample using a syringe, as this does not expose it to air. I'm not aware of anyone having issues from doing a one-off taste test.

One of our people failed in an N attempt due to being overwhelmed by the taste, but on a second attempt used Stevia (not sure if taken separately or mixed with it) and now she is no longer with us.

All blessings and love to you whatever you choose.

That's interesting. I bought Stevia and I have a strong mint mouthwash as well. Is it a good idea to use those?

 

[Pluto]

That's interesting. I bought Stevia and I have a strong mint mouthwash as well. Is it a good idea to use those?

I think that would work but I don't claim to be an expert. I can only state factually the aforementioned anecdote about a former member of our community. I bought some Stevia as well but haven't properly researched the best way to use it.

There have been a lot of threads on the topic of masking the taste of N. The procedure for using a syringe or hypodermic needle to extract a sample is mentioned in the PPH. Hopefully someone else has more knowledge than me.

 

[Hope:-)]

Wishing you the best and sending love your way xx

 

[FredTheCripple]

Wow, you've been here a long time! I hope you find peace.

 

[I want to end it]

I am going to test a small amount of N now. I will report on the taste and how I feel. I might fall asleep or might not.

 

[jk9761]

did you get your n recently

 

[Littlewittlelight]

J

From my understanding, it is safe to extract a sample using a syringe, as this does not expose it to air. I'm not aware of anyone having issues from doing a one-off taste test.

One of our people failed in an N attempt due to being overwhelmed by the taste, but on a second attempt used Stevia (not sure if taken separately or mixed with it) and now she is no longer with us.

All blessings and love to you whatever you choose.

How did they fail because they couldn't take it or for some other reason?

 

[freedompass]

Need a definite answer to this before I do it: will adding a sweetener to the N change its potency or chemical makeup to make it not effective?

Honestly adding sugar won't do a lot to make N less revolting (source: tasted it many times). I doubt it will do any harm tho if that's what you want to do. Most people would quickly chug it then eat a chocolate which coats the tongue and takes away the nasty aftertaste quite quickly. Taking a swig of alcoholic spirit might work for some too

 

[drmihilo]

It frightens me to realize that similar things await me in the future...

Good luck. I hope you experience what you want from your death...

 

[I want to end it]

I tested the N 3 times. 1 with a small drop, 1 with about 1/5 of a tea spoon and the other with about 1/2-2/3 of a tea spoon. Didn't feel an effect on any of these which is worrying.

The taste on those tests was bad, but at the same time I managed it fine. I know thats hard to imagine. I used a strong mint mouthwash before taking it. I can taste the N in my mouth now and it tastes exactly like a very bitter chocolate. This is only a small test so it might not be relevant to drinking a whole bottle.

I will update when I drink all the N, which I will do in a few hours.

 

[wljourney]

did you get your n recently

No he said further up in the thread that he got his N last year

 

[jk9761]

let us know what it feels like one minute later or so .

 

[wljourney]

I tested the N 3 times. 1 with a small drop, 1 with about 1/5 of a tea spoon and the other with about 1/2-2/3 of a tea spoon. Didn't feel an effect on any of these which is worrying.

The taste on those tests was bad, but at the same time I managed it fine. I know thats hard to imagine. I used a strong mint mouthwash before taking it. I can taste the N in my mouth now and it tastes exactly like a very bitter chocolate. This is only a small test so it might not be relevant to drinking a whole bottle.

I will update when I drink all the N, which I will do in a few hours.

Half a tsp is just 2.5 ml, so that wouldn't contain much N (about 150-200 mg).
When you look at the regular adult dose given IM (injected in a muscle), that's about the same amount. But we know that injected drugs have a more immediate and stronger effect than orally taken.

What I am trying to say is: don't worry about the effectiveness of your N.
It is very likely highly effective as you will be taking a MUCH larger dose.

I am also glad you had a nice evening last night.
Be kind to yourself today and know that many are with you in spirit.

 

[I want to end it]

let us know what it feels like one minute later or so .

I don't think I can do that because I have to switch off my computer very soon after. I don't want people to see this site. It might bring more negative attention to the site.

I will tell you the taste after I take it. I did a test and I felt nothing. It tasted like a very bitter chocolate. If you are used to drinking alcohols like vodka and eating very bitter chocolate, you should be ok with N. I was fine with it even though the taste is not great. Of course it was only a small amount and not 2 bottles.

 

[I want to end it]

I hope this thread can be used as a resource for anyone who is afraid of the taste of N.

I will be taking the 2 bottles of N in about 2-3 hours. I will add the sweetener called Stevia to it. I hope the Stevia doesn't alter the potency of the N. From asking around, it seems like it does not. I will also wash my mouth with a strong mint mouthwash beforehand. Finally I will take some anti emetics.

After drinking the N, I will swill my mouth with a small sip of water (either swallow the water or spit it onto the floor) and take some Stevia if the aftertaste is bad.

I can only quickly say the taste of the N after I drink it. Then I need to switch off my computer, so unfortunately can't answer any questions after drinking it. If I haven't been spotted on the forum within 48 hours after drinking, you can assume it's successful.

 

[I want to end it]

As far as feelings go, I feel relaxed right now. It just feels like I am going to drink something that doesn't taste so good. I am thinking about how it will affect my family. They will be sad but not that shocked. I am going over events in my life thinking how they could have played out differently.

 

[Rounded Agony]

I'm so glad you were able to have a good time with the escort before making good on your plans, and that she was so kind. Happy too the flavour wasn't revolting. The time must be drawing near...I don't know if I'll be able to stick around through the whole thing, but I guess since you'll be disconnecting your computer and everything live support won't be an issue.

I'm sorry for this world that has pushed you to this point, and hope only that whatever time remains in it for you is as positive as it can possibly be.

 

[I want to end it]

Ok I am going to take the anti emetics soon. Wait 30 minutes then do it.

I'm so glad you were able to have a good time with the escort before making good on your plans, and that she was so kind. Happy too the flavour wasn't revolting. The time must be drawing near...I don't know if I'll be able to stick around through the whole thing, but I guess since you'll be disconnecting your computer and everything live support won't be an issue.

I'm sorry for this world that has pushed you to this point, and hope only that whatever time remains in it for you is as positive as it can possibly be.

Thank you! Yes it was a nice experience. She was really friendly. I have never been treated like that by a woman before. I looked up online how to give oral to a woman (yes I'm clueless like that) and that's what I did with her.

But I am forced to ctb for the reasons I mentioned earlier.


If a mod can edit the title after I leave, adding something like "Resource for N taste" after it. I hope to help people with how N tastes for anyone who ctbs with N in the future.


edit: Ok I took 3 anti emetic tablets about 5 minutes ago and used a strong mint mouthwash. Waiting about 30 minutes before I do it.

 

[bed]

I am sorry you feel forced into it. I hope you find what you're looking for <3

 

[I want to end it]

I am sorry you feel forced into it. I hope you find what you're looking for <3

Thats ok. I think many people who ctb feel forced into so I'm not alone.

 

[bed]

Thats ok. I think many people who ctb feel forced into so I'm not alone.

Yeah, i guess that's true. I feel forced in some ways as well.