It's Thrs 4pm here and tonight will be the night i finally catch the damn bus, after over a decade of struggle, and specifically 2yrs of the most intensive hell ever. I've survived on the absolute brink these 2 yrs and i genuinely cannot endure a second longer of this. I dont want to be me anymore, i dont want this life.. i've lost absolutely everything.. I cant do this. I've almost died twice, been on ventilators, in comas, all.. but this has to be it. It's weird to describe but this time feels like its going to be it. I have everything ready, really strong drugs.. i wont be home alone but dont have any other choice and hope it will work before anyone finds me. Its going to be excruciating trying to swallow it all but i know ill peacefully fade away before my heart finally stops. I'm fckn terrified but dont have any other choice. Just BEGGING the universe that ill finally be gone.
I just wanted to say thank you to this community.. making me feel less alone through this torture, especially having everyone else in my life having given up on me and left. It saddens me that a place like this site exists with so many tortured struggling souls, but the world is un-fcking-fair and im so grateful to have stumbled onto this. So thank you for being here.. i hope so badly you guys are able to miraculously feel and get better, that you get the happiness that you deserve. But i also desperately, frantically hope that this is it for me, never having to take an inch of space or burden ever again. I dont know if anyone will even read this, but i felt compelled to say something. I'm finally as ready as i possibly can be. Wish me luck.
I just wanted to say thank you to this community.. making me feel less alone through this torture, especially having everyone else in my life having given up on me and left. It saddens me that a place like this site exists with so many tortured struggling souls, but the world is un-fcking-fair and im so grateful to have stumbled onto this. So thank you for being here.. i hope so badly you guys are able to miraculously feel and get better, that you get the happiness that you deserve. But i also desperately, frantically hope that this is it for me, never having to take an inch of space or burden ever again. I dont know if anyone will even read this, but i felt compelled to say something. I'm finally as ready as i possibly can be. Wish me luck.
I wish I could give you a hug before you go you really deserve it, you seem like such a kind and genuine person that deserves nothing but the best. If you've passed already I really hope it went by quickly and painlessly and or as you wished 
