Discussion Goodbye, my love: Suicide note to my ex-fiancée.

[INTJme]

I plan on writing this down on a birthday card and send it by post. Some statements require context to be better understood but most of it is sarcastic, except for the first line and the last paragraph. She has blocked me everywhere and so there's no other way to contact, not even email. Let me know if it's in bad taste or if it's okay to send.

Here it goes:

I wished things between us had ended differently, xyz, because I did genuinely love you and, agonisingly, still do as I write this. But, if not mine, at least your wish did come true. Not sure if news has already reached your shores but I'm probably (and hopefully) dead.

I was the source of all your problems, which is what you led everyone, including yourself, to believe, so now that I'm gone you'll surely have an amazing life going forward just how it was before I ruined everything for you.

I hope you find a husband who would instantly reply to your texts whenever you feel anxious or bored at work, helps you with your finances, job interviews, salary negotiations, personal growth, exercising, cooks for you, comforts you when you're on your period, has the same goals in terms of family, has an amazing "touch" and in general, believes in you and your potential while maintaining 100% personal integrity and authenticity.

Don't get me wrong now, I'd been suicidal many a times before I met you but never had the courage to act on it. I think my earlier experience with love somewhat made me believe there's still some hope and that stupid book by Viktor Frankl further strengthened that belief. Also, your belief that my depression will get better with cranial therapy by your grandma and better treatment options in the US gave me further hope. Unfortunately, much like all your other promises, these never materialised either.

But thanks for showing me the true nature of our love and relationship. It has finally relieved me from my faulty belief system and given me the courage needed to do what I should've much earlier.

Auf Wiedersehen, meine Liebe.

 

[Ash]

Personally, I wouldn't send it. What's it going to achieve? Apologies for being harsh, but if she's blocked you, she doesn't want to hear from you. I've blocked people / cut them out of my life in the past, and it's extremely distressing when they refuse to respect my boundaries and deliberately find a way to step around them. One such person was eventually convicted and imprisoned for making death threats to other people.

I understand that you're in a huge amount of pain but you can go out with some self respect and dignity, or you can choose to inflict pain on someone you claim to love and then deny them the right of reply.

 

[INTJme]

She's someone who's wished me dead while claiming to love me. All she's ever done is use me. I sacrificed my sleep, career, mental health, money, and was even prepared to move halfway across the world for her, leaving my ailing father behind.

Yes, it's in bad taste, I know it myself. But I wasn't consented to being blocked. I actually wanted to have one last conversation aimed to give us both closure over the situation and that's when I realised even my emails are likely blocked. And so she lost the right to reply when she blocked me or chose to ignore my message anyway.

Yes, I love her but it has more to do with my mental affliction than her as a person, because logically speaking she's the most ungrateful person I've ever met. And again, I know I'm trying to hurt her with such a letter and once I'm dead it won't matter to me if she's hurting or not but I believe a person like her should be shown the mirror every once in a while.

Personally, I wouldn't send it. What's it going to achieve? Apologies for being harsh, but if she's blocked you, she doesn't want to hear from you. I've blocked people / cut them out of my life in the past, and it's extremely distressing when they refuse to respect my boundaries and deliberately find a way to step around them. One such person was eventually convicted and imprisoned for making death threats to other people.

I understand that you're in a huge amount of pain but you can go out with some self respect and dignity, or you can choose to inflict pain on someone you claim to love and then deny them the right of reply.

 

[Ash]

You don't get to consent to being cut out of someone's life. It's the other way round.

(I'm putting this thread on ignore now.)

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Hopefully she realises her actions and hopefully you find peace soon as well

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I actually don't know what to think. Rarely it is only someone's fault when things go wrong in a relationship and according to what you said, she did some wrong in the relationship and ran from it in the end.

I think if it was me I would leave the postcard next to my body in an envelope saying "for xyz". If it reached the destination, great, if it didn't then it wasn't meant to. I don't know, feels weird to send it when she cut you off, also feels weird to not let yourself tell her what you want to tell her one last time. I think I would leave it to "fate" whether the message gets delivered.

I'm sorry your relationship broke you btw, I know what it's like to be in a bad relationship where you are used and you're left with anger and sadness inside.

You're leaving this world, why not be selfish, life has been about others for too long, I think you're entitled some selfishness once. I may be wrong, it just doesn't feel like a simple "yes" or "no" scenario, life is complicated.

 

[INTJme]

I know what it's like to be in a bad relationship where you are used and you're left with anger and sadness inside.

I'm literally crying as I type this but I've been the "bigger person" for far too long in this relationship. I took responsibility when anything went wrong whereas she never did and I always strived to make things work, sacrificing everything I had. What did she do? Left me hanging, with wedding invitations sent to hundreds of people.

You're leaving this world, why not be selfish, life has been about others for too long, I think you're entitled some selfishness once.

Thank you for understanding. I never did her any harm. Heck, I turned her life around and she would accept that in a heartbeat even today if someone asks her.
I deserve to say my last words to her. Depression is crippling enough; don't want my mind to feel claustrophobic in terms of self-expression too.

I think if it was me I would leave the postcard next to my body in an envelope saying "for xyz". If it reached the destination, great, if it didn't then it wasn't meant to.

The letter would be sent halfway across the world. If it's not meant to be, it'll get lost like many USPS mails do. At least I'll die relieved that I was able to fully express myself.

 

[Jiyuurakka]

I'm literally crying as I type this but I've been the "bigger person" for far too long in this relationship. I took responsibility when anything went wrong whereas she never did and I always strived to make things work, sacrificing everything I had. What did she do? Left me hanging, with wedding invitations sent to hundreds of people.

Your actions and thoughts are valid, all of us are selfish to a certain extent in this World. You've probably been in awful amounts of pain to even write such a letter and send it to her, from what I gather you don't usually do such things. I've read a lot of your threads before and I've seen that you're prone to being misunderstood. If you feel that you've been the bigger person while the world has trampled all over you, you deserve to atleast get this small form of easy revenge. Take it :)



I wish you all the best.

 

[rotciv]

This sounds like narcissistic behavior on the part of her, I went through something similar too, I don't know if it's worth wasting your time on this.

 

[INTJme]

This sounds like narcissistic behavior on the part of her, I went through something similar too, I don't know if it's worth wasting your time on this.

It's to make me feel self-expressed and give me peace of mind before I ctb.

 

[rotciv]

It's to make me feel self-expressed and give me peace of mind before I ctb.

If she wishes you death you will only increase her ego..

 

[livinginthedreams]

I think you deserve writing that. Its like saying everything you never could. Its okay to get some closure before going. Be selfish, why would you care? Youll be gone and you have the right to send this. Maybe it will finally let you free from that burden and you can peacefully go knowing you have done everything you wanted to.

 

[INTJme]

If she wishes you death you will only increase her ego..

She's not narcissistic and she wished me death thinking all her problems would vanish if I died. She has her own mental issues but is oblivious to them. She loved me as long as I was able to help her with her issues but when it was time to take some responsibilities herself, suddenly I became all the problem.

This letter would not boost her ego but maybe finally help her see how she single-handedly ruined her own life and mine.

 

[4_science]

What makes you think she cares? Even if she gets it , she could toss it because she doesn´t want to to hear from.

1 vote for toss the letter since it doesn´t do anything for you.

I am sorry the relationship didn´t work out. What you were willing to do or sacrifice is on you. You decide that, not her. Be glad you didn´t fully commit to a move and only then find out then the feeling was not mutual. To ctb out of resentment is just a waste.

 

[INTJme]

What makes you think she cares? Even if she gets it , she could toss it because she doesn´t want to to hear from.

1 vote for toss the letter since it doesn´t do anything for you.

I am sorry the relationship didn´t work out. What you were willing to do or sacrifice is on you. You decide that, not her. Be glad you didn´t fully commit to a move and only then find out then the feeling was not mutual. To ctb out of resentment is just a waste.

Let's not make assumptions, especially regarding what led me to ctb.

 

[divinemistress36]

I get craniosacral therapy so this made me chuckle

 

[ForgottenAgain]

The letter would be sent halfway across the world. If it's not meant to be, it'll get lost like many USPS mails do. At least I'll die relieved that I was able to fully express myself.

Sounds fair, that's the equivalent of leaving the letter next to your body and let the world take its course.

I think dying relieved that you said everything you wanted to is more important. I hope you get the closure you deserve, again I'm so sorry for your suffering, sounds like a very complicated and painful relationship...

I wish you didn't have to get to this point. I'm sorry friend...

 

[SexyIncél]

You don't get to consent to being cut out of someone's life. It's the other way round.

Promises contradict consent. After all, if you pay me money, and I ghost you without giving what I promised, for no good reason, you may want a couple words with me

Responsibilities persist regardless of feels. The OP knows that. His ex clearly doesn't

I'm literally crying as I type this but I've been the "bigger person" for far too long in this relationship. I took responsibility when anything went wrong whereas she never did and I always strived to make things work, sacrificing everything I had. What did she do? Left me hanging, with wedding invitations sent to hundreds of people.

Sad to see a life-coach — who supports people energetically & responsibly — discover horrible truths about people's irresponsibility & ingratitude

Does it help to hear this is extremely common? To find someone who isn't such a flakey douchebag, many treat dating as an extended hiring process. Because there exist virtuous gals who do deserve love, and it's cruel to throw that love to the hordes of shitheads

A common error is guys overextending themselves, doing things for gals. Men of character often learn how to disappoint women, because so many are consumptive

To add injury to insult: "They oftentimes do not reciprocate interest if you care about them. They oftentimes are constantly watching if you overinvest into them, and make them too much of a priority. And they are constantly looking for reasons to pull away from you & exit. Which means, if you're looking for long-term companionship, you are truthfully going to have to be a rock-solid, stable, stoic man's man"

Admittedly, I don't know her internal logics. But her actions are the same as so many others