Hi y'all,
today I've decided to share my story. Not that you would be geniunely interested in it, but I just want to share it with somebody who could understand and vent a little bit. I will also try to make it as short as I possibly can.
So I am a 21 yo czech boy from a single mom household and I've always knew I had to do something. Aged 16, I discovered trading and set my mind to it. Mast forward three years later, I finally started to make money. It worked and I was happy, years of dedication finally paid off. I was also working out and totally killing it, well, then there was the school which I really didn't give two fucks about but hey, passing it was just enough so I really needn't have to worry. And then she came. This girl, let's call her S.. We met at the gym as she attended the same school as me and I suddenly realized how beautiful she was and we started hanging out. At first it was only about sex but after like six months, I told her that I love her and we started dating oficially. These six months were the most wonderful time of my life. Trust me guys, never had I ever met such a beautiful person. Not just physically, but more on the inside. She was so caring, intelligent, supportive, she really loved me with all her heart. We had an amazing relationship and we were so happy.
But well, obviously I was not meant to be happy. Shit started to go down. I had to stop trading and almost failed my finals. I had this project work which took me tremendous amount of effort for my final exams and drained all my life energy out of me. And I started to change. I was feeling like I was not enough. From the rising star trader with bright future I became nothing. And I coped with being unfaithful to this beautiful human being. She found out and I told her but managed to change her mind about the breakup, but still, she was not the same ever since. As shit cumulated, i was feeling worse and worse despite her being supportive and amazing all the time. Fast forward today, she left me a month ago and I have managed to lose all my funds trading, probably due to feeling down emotionally but it does not matter now. Now I have nothing except the memories of summer 2020 - spring 2021.
I mean, I get it, many of you are in far worse situation than I am, but this is my own bottom of life. I tried to cope with all the possible ways - downloaded tinder, tried to work my hardesr to get my career back, hit the gym and stuff but nothing fucking helps and every minute is feels like burning alive while being stabbed.
On 13th July, I will CTB by sodium nitrite poisoning. I have yet to wait till I get my car back because the car was with us during our relationship and have some special memories there. Also the date is special, at least for the two of us. Gonna go to one of those abandoned quarries where we went together for trips. Even our last one. The one at which we knew it was going to be over so we just threw rocks in the water and cried. Because she felt like it had to be and I loved her so much that I couldnt stand in her way any longer. I want her to be happy. She wanted to save me, she wanted to fix me, but I just was not worthy of being saved.
If you read it this far, thank you for paying do much attention to such a miserable human being I really am.
S., my dearest sweetheart, if you ever get to read this, please know that I loved you with all my heart and I always will. I also want you to know that you were meant to be happy so just please go for it, pursue your happiness because you absolutely deserve to be happy.
Forever yours,
Kožíš
today I've decided to share my story. Not that you would be geniunely interested in it, but I just want to share it with somebody who could understand and vent a little bit. I will also try to make it as short as I possibly can.
So I am a 21 yo czech boy from a single mom household and I've always knew I had to do something. Aged 16, I discovered trading and set my mind to it. Mast forward three years later, I finally started to make money. It worked and I was happy, years of dedication finally paid off. I was also working out and totally killing it, well, then there was the school which I really didn't give two fucks about but hey, passing it was just enough so I really needn't have to worry. And then she came. This girl, let's call her S.. We met at the gym as she attended the same school as me and I suddenly realized how beautiful she was and we started hanging out. At first it was only about sex but after like six months, I told her that I love her and we started dating oficially. These six months were the most wonderful time of my life. Trust me guys, never had I ever met such a beautiful person. Not just physically, but more on the inside. She was so caring, intelligent, supportive, she really loved me with all her heart. We had an amazing relationship and we were so happy.
But well, obviously I was not meant to be happy. Shit started to go down. I had to stop trading and almost failed my finals. I had this project work which took me tremendous amount of effort for my final exams and drained all my life energy out of me. And I started to change. I was feeling like I was not enough. From the rising star trader with bright future I became nothing. And I coped with being unfaithful to this beautiful human being. She found out and I told her but managed to change her mind about the breakup, but still, she was not the same ever since. As shit cumulated, i was feeling worse and worse despite her being supportive and amazing all the time. Fast forward today, she left me a month ago and I have managed to lose all my funds trading, probably due to feeling down emotionally but it does not matter now. Now I have nothing except the memories of summer 2020 - spring 2021.
I mean, I get it, many of you are in far worse situation than I am, but this is my own bottom of life. I tried to cope with all the possible ways - downloaded tinder, tried to work my hardesr to get my career back, hit the gym and stuff but nothing fucking helps and every minute is feels like burning alive while being stabbed.
On 13th July, I will CTB by sodium nitrite poisoning. I have yet to wait till I get my car back because the car was with us during our relationship and have some special memories there. Also the date is special, at least for the two of us. Gonna go to one of those abandoned quarries where we went together for trips. Even our last one. The one at which we knew it was going to be over so we just threw rocks in the water and cried. Because she felt like it had to be and I loved her so much that I couldnt stand in her way any longer. I want her to be happy. She wanted to save me, she wanted to fix me, but I just was not worthy of being saved.
If you read it this far, thank you for paying do much attention to such a miserable human being I really am.
S., my dearest sweetheart, if you ever get to read this, please know that I loved you with all my heart and I always will. I also want you to know that you were meant to be happy so just please go for it, pursue your happiness because you absolutely deserve to be happy.
Forever yours,
Kožíš
