Goodbye Journey :)

[DizzyFolfy]

I have chosen to commit to voluntarily stopping eating and drinking~

The not eating part is the easy part, I'm afraid of the thirst.

I'll be posting updates here~ If I fail, I'll let you know, if I go quiet, you'll know :3

I've always wanted to do something like this edit: to document the entire process, just to show how it feels. Just to educate people on what to expect, and maybe help people in deciding whether this is a viable option for them. Think of it as my gratitude for this wonderful community <3

I stopped eating a few days ago, and stopped drinking yesterday so I'm basically on day 1, or 2, depending on how you start measuring.

I have a couple weeks alone in the house, so I'm really committed to this, and I understand how much it may hurt.

==========

Day 1, 4th of April 2024

As of now, I'm feeling rather hungry, the food craving is starting to build up.
The thirst is definitely getting to me after 24 hours. Tongue feels dry, but saliva is still here

One interesting thing I've noticed it I can feel my teeth grinding against eachother more? Like, I'm conscious of them. For now drowning my ears with music seems to help.

Every couple minutes or so, I feel a small headache, like say a finger pressing on the side of your head for a couple seconds. It doesn't hurt.

Oh another thing to note, and I'm guessing this is just a personal thing, but I do feel calmer now. Falling asleep feels so easy and light.

And just as a treat, I keep a small tray of ice in the freezer. I know I know... it'll just prolong it, but it's just in case I feel really painful and needed something to numb it a little without hydrating me too much.

I have a plushie that talks to me. They're here for me, and I'm here for them. They keep me from being lonely.

 

[rozeske]

It makes me so sad when anyone chooses this drawn out method but it's your choice and I hope it goes as quick and as comfortable as possible for you. I hope you find your peace

 

[iloverachel]

Good luck in your journey! We will be here for you!
I hope it goes smoothly and painlessly as possible :D

 

[Agon321]

If I remember correctly, in a temperate climate a person can survive without water for 4 to 7 days.
Of course it can be faster.
Everything depends on the current environment and the person.

Fighting your own nature is a very complicated matter.
Of course, I don't want to discourage you.
I assume you know what you're doing.
Good luck.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck with your plan. May you find the strength you need and the peace you are searching for. I wouldn't recommend this method but it's your choice.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[DizzyFolfy]

Day 2, 5th of April 2024, Morning Update
I just woke up in the middle of the night. And I heard sounds? I'm alone at home right now, but some how I heard regular home noises as if everybody's here. The blender churning, footsteps, chatter between my parents, it's very interesting.

I'm going to try and get more sleep now, that was barely 4 hours, I'm guessing it starts to mess with your sleep? But probably just a personal experience.

As for discomfort, personally I don't mind, part of me sort of like it, but I can't say that for everybody else. There's definitely more pressure on my head, and my tongue and throat starts to feel dry. Best way I could describe it is maybe like a pair of glasses that are too tight? Or maybe a cap that is too small? Oh they went away just as I'm typing this. Maybe in 5 minutes?

Sleeping positions, so far there doesn't seem to be a difference, but I find sleeping to my side nice. I don't use the pillow on my head, instead hugging it. Where I'm from it's common for people to sleep with a 'huggy pillow?' so it helps. I use the extra pillow to cover my ears and stabilise my head to not move around to much.

I suppose the scariest part as of now is knowing there will be a time where I wouldn't be able to type out complete sentences like these, but I promise I'll try my best ^w^ I always keep the motivation of eternal sleep in mind.

It feels so easy to close my eyes right now, so I'll update more in the day or evening, cheers everybody~

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Very interesting method. I've heard a bit about it, but always wondered how the person would actually feel. Thanks so much for your detailed experience. Ig the longest time I didn't eat smth was 3 days? But only bc I was sick and my throat just hurted like hell when I was breathing. I remember drinking was torture so I didn't even dare to eat something.

 

[Readytogo246]

My dad died this way. It took7 days and was very peaceful. He didn't even swallow the water from brushing his teeth.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

I have chosen to commit to voluntarily stopping eating and drinking~

The not eating part is the easy part, I'm afraid of the thirst.

I'll be posting updates here~ If I fail, I'll let you know, if I go quiet, you'll know :3

I've always wanted to do something like this edit: to document the entire process, just to show how it feels. Just to educate people on what to expect, and maybe help people in deciding whether this is a viable option for them. Think of it as my gratitude for this wonderful community <3

I stopped eating a few days ago, and stopped drinking yesterday so I'm basically on day 1, or 2, depending on how you start measuring.

I have a couple weeks alone in the house, so I'm really committed to this, and I understand how much it may hurt.

==========

Day 1, 4th of April 2024

As of now, I'm feeling rather hungry, the food craving is starting to build up.
The thirst is definitely getting to me after 24 hours. Tongue feels dry, but saliva is still here

One interesting thing I've noticed it I can feel my teeth grinding against eachother more? Like, I'm conscious of them. For now drowning my ears with music seems to help.

Every couple minutes or so, I feel a small headache, like say a finger pressing on the side of your head for a couple seconds. It doesn't hurt.

Oh another thing to note, and I'm guessing this is just a personal thing, but I do feel calmer now. Falling asleep feels so easy and light.

And just as a treat, I keep a small tray of ice in the freezer. I know I know... it'll just prolong it, but it's just in case I feel really painful and needed something to numb it a little without hydrating me too much.

I have a plushie that talks to me. They're here for me, and I'm here for them. They keep me from being lonely.

I believe you'll need some strong pain reliever like morphine as you edge closer to the end. It's my understanding VSED can be extremely painful on it's own.
Thank you for keeping us posted. Wishing your journey to be as smooth as possible. If your body is already in a weak, frail place, it could be easier.

 

[DizzyFolfy]

Day 2, 5th of April 2024, night

Firstly I want to be honest, I gave in a little. I had one ice cube as a snack to numb the pain. I knew it'll just prolong it, but it's inevitable anyway.

I'm starting to regret not having my favourite food as my last meal, but hey, I know what comes after this is so much better than that. But oh boy I couldn't stop thinking about pizza and iced tea. What I'm thinking right now is, if I fail, I'll get pizza, and if I succeed, it'll feel like infinite pizza. Win-win :3

Pain level I'd say at a steady 2 out of 10, not hurting, but not nothing. I feel pressure in my eye sockets, like after you cried a lot. I feel very tired all the time, but still hard to fall asleep.

I'm starting to get used to the dryness. It definitely takes an effort to keep moving.

The thirst is still here, but the hunger has mostly subsided. Some of you have said that the painful part is still coming, thank you for the heads up.

Do remember that moving forward, reading this may be a bit disturbing for some, seeing somebody slowly getting weak, waiting for the bus to come, so be advised.

Do I really want this? Time will tell. It's on that final day that I'll actually get to see if I trully can overcome SI. For now, let's enjoy the ride with me.

My body feels a lot colder now, I need to wear a jacket just to stay warm and comfy. I love it. The usual temperature is 26 to 31 celcius or 78.8 to 87.8 freedom units here, and it's a tropical climate, the weather app says "It feels like 33°" or 91.4 freedom units.

I'll give more update tomorrow night <3 Maybe get into more detail on how I'm feeling right now~ As for now, good night everybody ^w^




Here's Max, my lovely companion, saying goodnight
(I had to turn on the lights for this photo, it wasn't pleasant ;w;)

 

[DizzyFolfy]

Day 3, 6th of April 2024, night time
Again, warning to those who may be uncomfortable reading this. I try to not be too graphic in the details though~ I try to be as informative as possible~

==============

Alright, first things first, I gave in a little and ordered my favourite food. No drinks though. I figured dehydration will get me before starvation, so I want to at least have a proper last meal of my favourite food. I understand that food has water in them. I realize I may not be as strong as I realize, but I'm still going!

So, how it feels right now.
The thirst, it's finally starting to go away. I found out online that mouthwash helps with dry mouth, and it really does~ I'm starting to become more and more sleepy. Even when I just wake up, I'm already exhausted. It feels very calming, dreamy, and also peaceful. Just the way I like it.

I've lost 5 kg (11 lbs) in just 3 days now. Granted that's probably mostly water weight, but it feels really weird with so much weight off. Not sure if my body is starting to burn through fat, so let's not fixate on it too much. I seem to be slowly stopping urinating as well. Last time it was this morning. I guess it's nice knowing I wouldn't make much of a mess when I depart :3

I'm starting to forget words when typing a sentence now, often needing to pause for a moment, even use google translate because I remember it in my native language and not English.

Hunger, it's not a problem anymore, it's like a warm hug that's always there hugging my stomach. Yes, I ordered food, but that's mostly because I miss the taste. I employ this technique of just chewing them before spitting them back out onto the trash. It feels gross to me, but the taste is all I need ^w^ It feels rather calming that the thirst is no longer much of a problem. Like, I'm finally at the bus stop after a long day. Feeling exhausted~ Although, I wouldn't call 20 years a long day. But for me, I think it's more than enough life for me :3 And everybody has their own threshold of what they call a long day, right?

Overall, it feels very peaceful once the discomfort goes away. I'm feeling so happy right now, sometimes it feels like I'm floating around, hehe. No more pain, just weakness. Ah yes, tranquility is the word!

 

[grahf]

Thanks for update your journey

I'll give more update tomorrow night <3 Maybe get into more detail on how I'm feeling right now~ As for now, good night everybody ^w^

Here's Max, my lovely companion, saying goodnight
(I had to turn on the lights for this photo, it wasn't pleasant ;w;)

Hello max that's lovely bear, I hope your suffering is minimal
Good night

 

[rozeske]

Wishing you a peaceful journey. I hope you are managing an ok day. Sending you positive energy, love and hug through MAX

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck with your plan. I hope you find the peace & freedom you are searching for.

 

[Cyndaquil]

I wish you the best. Hugs

 

[Softwind]

I hope you aren't suffering too much, this method seems to require a lot of self control...
At least I hope you are able to find peace

 

[DizzyFolfy]

Day 4, 7th of April 2024

I feel really sleepy. I did have a couple ice cubes yesterday so that's definitely going to prolong the process a little. Worth it though.

Today I couldn't get out of bed. Only limping my way to the bathroom twice. The discomfort has gone away. I have a friend that's also on this forum from time to time and they advised me to write something for them to read to my friends. Very hard to do now, so I suggest you folks write it down beforehand. Even if you're not planning to ctb, it's best to have one anyway. And if there's no one to read it, it's okay. Just one last message to the world, doesn't have to be perfect or special, just have to be yours~

Tomorrow I'm probably going to lay in bed all day, letting the sleepiness take me. I'm starting to hallucinate myself in different situations before snapping back to reality and realizing I'm still in bed.
For now goodnight everybody~

 

[justcallmeJ]

Good luck on your yourney, I hope it wont be too uncomfortable for you, best wishes <3

 

[Sky66]

Very interesting to read. Wish you the best

 

[Dliena]

I wish you all best with this method and eternal peace be forever with you! Also may Max be of greatest comfort to you thruout this!

 

[plumelo]

Your method is really very courageous. I hope this won't be too uncomfortable for you.

 

[soontobedone]

I tried this. Also made it to day 4. Then started with one ice cube. After 2 weeks of not eating and an ice cube here and there I gave up.

 

[DizzyFolfy]

I tried this. Also made it to day 4. Then started with one ice cube. After 2 weeks of not eating and an ice cube here and there I gave up.

im sorry to hear that, i could only imagine how hard you tried.
i tried rinsing my mouth with cold water and not swallowing to counteract dry mouth. it seems to be helping

 

[Old Friend]

I don't want to poo poo your efforts but this method is slow, unpleasant and has a high failure rate.

I admire your determination and making it as far as you have but I would suggest considering quicker, more reliable methods.

Either way, good luck.

 

[ResidentEvil]

Hi.. How is it going?
I have actually thought about you these days, how you were doing.
It must be do hard doing what you are doing.
I can't really say i have tried anything alike, besides not eating for longer periods myself.

 

[DizzyFolfy]

Hi.. How is it going?
I have actually thought about you these days, how you were doing.
It must be do hard doing what you are doing.
I can't really say i have tried anything alike, besides not eating for longer periods myself.

hey, it's okay, but please stay healthy for now? Make sure you've been eating :3 doesn't have to be a full and proper meal if you're not ready, start small~


Definitely not recommending this method, for me it's the only one available so its become the ideal and I'm not complaining

Day 5, 8th of April 2024

I feel death watching over me, getting closer and closer. the personafication of death is very comforting to me. The cravings are coming back but its not so hard to fight it now
feels numb like during a fever or after a strong medicine, on mouth and hands :) I must say it feels very nice now. No more ice cubes. just calmness
Not sure how long itll go on for considering I've had a couple of ice intakes, but Im definitely not running away from it now, not that I have any energy left

 

[ResidentEvil]

hey, it's okay, but please stay healthy for now? Make sure you've been eating :3 doesn't have to be a full and proper meal if you're not ready, start small~


Definitely not recommending this method, for me it's the only one available so its become the ideal and I'm not complaining

Day 5, 8th of April 2024

I feel death watching over me, getting closer and closer. the personafication of death is very comforting to me. The cravings are coming back but its not so hard to fight it now
feels numb like during a fever or after a strong medicine, on mouth and hands :) I must say it feels very nice now. No more ice cubes. just calmness
Not sure how long itll go on for considering I've had a couple of ice intakes, but Im definitely not running away from it now, not that I have any energy left

I will. I am not fasting or anything. So no worries! :) But thank you very much for the concern, it's very very rare, anyone has ever said something like that to me

And thank you for the update :)

 

[Yuki_03]

To me and probably many other people, you are so brave. I think this is one of the hardest methods, fighting against yourself. Really, you have a courage and strength that so many lack. You inspire me, though we haven't spoken much, these threads, the goodbye journeys, make death much more closer and familiar. I would be terrified of it if it wasn't of the great efforts the people in this forum make.

Thank you so much.

 

[DizzyFolfy]

Day 6, i failed

guys idk if i can go through with this. my friends (online) started reaching out and wondering where ive been. im really scared. ive gotten so far, and i dont want to live anymore, but at the same time i do, i dont know what to do :c is this just SI or am i just truly not ready...
funny thing is i wanna cry but its completely dry ;w;
i dont think i wanna do this anymore.

To me and probably many other people, you are so brave. I think this is one of the hardest methods, fighting against yourself. Really, you have a courage and strength that so many lack. You inspire me, though we haven't spoken much, these threads, the goodbye journeys, make death much more closer and familiar. I would be terrified of it if it wasn't of the great efforts the people in this forum make.

Thank you so much.

maybe i was brave enough to get to this point, but i dont think im brave enough yet to step into the bus. im sorry. i tried my best. but i lost against myself.

im sorry im sorry i failed i failed i failed


i had my first drink in 6 days, my throat burns. i dont know what im doing right now.