BornHated
God may judge, but his sins outnumber your own.
- Nov 19, 2022
- 96
Going that way can be a toughie- I'm sorry it had to be that way, and I hope whatever comes after goes smoothly for you :(
corazon
"a heart's a heavy burden"
- Mar 30, 2023
- 94
A little update:
I'm approaching the time I had planned (a few hours out) and I just finished writing my note and preparing warnings/instructions. I got barely any sleep last night and it's really catching up with me. I'm really struggling to make it. I really just want to go to sleep. I'm worried being as tired as I am, I'll fudge up the attempt and end up crushing my trachea rather than just closing my carotids. Or am I getting cold feet? Tomorrow night's as good as tonight but I feel like a coward. I really do want it all to be over. I'm finding it hard to make a decision. Get it over with tonight when I'm burdened with all this fatigue or face the noose tomorrow hopefully with a clearer head. Those are my options.
I'm approaching the time I had planned (a few hours out) and I just finished writing my note and preparing warnings/instructions. I got barely any sleep last night and it's really catching up with me. I'm really struggling to make it. I really just want to go to sleep. I'm worried being as tired as I am, I'll fudge up the attempt and end up crushing my trachea rather than just closing my carotids. Or am I getting cold feet? Tomorrow night's as good as tonight but I feel like a coward. I really do want it all to be over. I'm finding it hard to make a decision. Get it over with tonight when I'm burdened with all this fatigue or face the noose tomorrow hopefully with a clearer head. Those are my options.
Hanging is very difficult, at that moment only you can decide what to do.
corazon
"a heart's a heavy burden"
- Mar 30, 2023
- 94
I think I should sleep on it. Tomorrow was the date I had originally planned and I'm so tired right now, I think I'm in a bad headspace for it being sleep deprived and all. Thanks.
Wait until you are absolutely certain and there's nothing holding you back. You will know when you're ready.
Best wishes. I have 2 concerns though: 1) are you sure your wardrobe setup is strong enough? 2) your survival instinct will kick in obviously, maybe help yourself with a glass of alcohol?
corazon
"a heart's a heavy burden"
- Mar 30, 2023
- 94
Thanks for the reply. As for my setup, I'm confident it's viable, I'm thinking it could even support full suspension. It's a built in wardrobe and the bar is very sturdy. I'm able to do (wimpy) pull ups on it. I've test the rope a few times on it too and I think my setup is pretty solid.
Yes, survival instinct is the biggest contender. I've been debating taking melatonin but to do it with nothing is pretty crazy. If I could pass out in 15 seconds or less, that would be fantastic.
oh_no191
“Is it better to speak or to die?”
- Jun 11, 2023
- 56
I hope this isn't bad to say but I'm praying to the moon that you find peace 
corazon
"a heart's a heavy burden"
- Mar 30, 2023
- 94
Alright everyone... I have a bus to catch. Thank you all so much for all the well wishes. If all goes well, goodbye.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 9,511
corazon
"a heart's a heavy burden"
- Mar 30, 2023
- 94
I'm still here :(
I tried 3+ times and twice I could tell I closed my carotids, my extremities felt tingly and one time my body went limp but it felt like an eternity waiting to pass out. My breathing sounded loud in my head which freaked me out. Now I don't know what to do. It crossed my mind to tell a loved one but I really want to die and they'll take away my rope. It would be infinitely more difficult to ctb but I'm in search of comfort. I also have a red mark on my neck. I feel stuck. I wish I had SN.
I tried 3+ times and twice I could tell I closed my carotids, my extremities felt tingly and one time my body went limp but it felt like an eternity waiting to pass out. My breathing sounded loud in my head which freaked me out. Now I don't know what to do. It crossed my mind to tell a loved one but I really want to die and they'll take away my rope. It would be infinitely more difficult to ctb but I'm in search of comfort. I also have a red mark on my neck. I feel stuck. I wish I had SN.
Probably the best option is full suspension if there is an adequate spot around. The SI would be ineffective.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 9,511
I'm so sorry.
I would definitely not tell anyone. Unless you want help. Otherwise you will just have everyone watching you.
corazon
"a heart's a heavy burden"
- Mar 30, 2023
- 94
The uppermost bar in my wardrobe is at least 30cm above my height - I haven't ever dabbled with full suspension but if I got something to stand on, perhaps I could try.
I know. I'm gonna give it another shot and if not, I won't tell anyone and I'll try again another day. I might have to tweak my game plan.I'm so sorry.
Well, you're probably gone by now. I wish you peace and rest. Goodbye.
The main risk with full suspension is a slow and painful death if your carotid is not properly blocked.
I'm sorry you had a failed attempt. It's certainly so difficult to overcome SI. I wouldn't tell anyone outside this community about it, it may become so much more difficult for you in the future. I wish you a fast recovery and I hope you can find the strength you need next time should you still want to CTB. I wish you all the best!
corazon
"a heart's a heavy burden"
- Mar 30, 2023
- 94
I think it'd be unwise for me to attempt full right now when I haven't looked too much into it, but I'll definitely be considering it.
It's lucky I have SS or else I'd have no outlet at all! CTB is what I want so I won't tell anyone on the outside. I'm just gonna keep trying every night if I have to, but for now I'll sleep on it. This was a learning experience and I'm sure that if I knock my SI on its head, my method will work. Thank you everyone for the advice. You'll probably hear from me again so, mods, don't ban my account just yet.
I just failed partial myself, I feel your pain man. I'm so sorry. It really is so fucking hard. I was going through the same thing where it felt like an eternity to pass out, and just couldn't help but gasp for air once my brain got to a certain point of being deprived of it. Feel so stuck now, but I'm here if you need someone to talk to who can relate. Sorry again.
Partial is really difficult. Sorry you had to go through that. It's so upsetting not having a painless way to go.
I
Some experts recommend to place the knot in front of the neck to keep the airpipe away from the rope. I have no opinion on this.
Again, be careful. In hanging, death may result from blocking carotids, which is quick and relatively painless. It may also result from airpipe blocking (suffocation), which is slow and painful. So you must prepare yourself and practice to ensure death via carotid and avoid death via airpipe.
Some experts recommend to place the knot in front of the neck to keep the airpipe away from the rope. I have no opinion on this.
Similar threads
- Pigeonleaderboard44
- Suicide Discussion
Suicide Discussion
Pigeonleaderboard44