Discussion Good morning and some thoughts on comfort while planning to CTB.

[Livingvsdying25]

Didn't sleep that well but honestly? Whatever. I'll survive.



I paid my rent and bills. Gonna order some other things too. Gonna clean my bathroom & take down the garbage & shower.



Then ima go get some incense. I might even wash my sheets again just for the hell of it... / for the comfort of it all...







Now with my own CTB on the way jus thinkin of how I want my last days to be.



Wanna drink some flavored sake. Also wanted to try makgeolli again. Cooler slushies. Don't usually drink but now it's like why not? So that's one of the orders I am making.



Thinkin of the food I'd like to eat. Bingsu, cup noodles, unique ice cream flavors / bars, mochi, Indian food(from drinks to mains to desserts), thai curry, steak, sashimi,sushi, kimchi fried rice, korean corn dogs, korean donuts, etc.



Probs more but thats mostly what can come to mind right now.



So, I just wanna eat some good food and work on the prep and such to kill myself. It gets demeaning when people around me think its just a temporary state of feeling. Like fuck y'all. I'm not ending my life to prove anyone anything. I'm doing it for my own peace of mind. So truthfully at this point Idgaf but yeah it does piss me off how people be deciding for me what's serious or not.







Sooo yeee I'm gonna take 1 pill of my adhd meds, order some stuff for breakfast hmm I'm thinking a bakery?, then ima have some breakfast & caffeine.



Thenn may wash my sheets again. bc thats comfort fr fr. Then ima clean the bathroom fully and take down the garbage.



I think I needa make a grocery order tbh. Buy a water filter, some ice cubes trays, garbage bags, maybe I'll order some other bathroom cleaning product that I like?, paper towel, toilet paper, some electrolyte drink, though I may just buy some powder I dunno...



If I take the bus I can probs stop offf at a few stores. I don't wanna take the bus bc too many people. I almost always have some form of a meltdown or feel super tired after taking the bus. Too many fucking decisions to make within the living honestly. like this is what just pisses me off.



So ima just order what I can from one place. Order the alcohol too.



Uber to the other after I finish the chores. Be back in bed by the afternoon stoned and or drunk chillin.



Im gonna get a subscription to teletoon to re-watch Adventure Time & some other personal favs.



My friend suggested taking a couple weeks off of just not living and such and possibly ordering a new mattress (she has extra funds for that) and getting like a paid psw service.



The thought of shopping and picking a mattress stresses me out butttt upon further thought if ima be sitting my ass in bed for a few weeks might wanna do it in comfort. I just need help to set up and throw away current one bc thats what really stresses me out. So maybe I'll take a look today tbh.



Having someone in my place while I feel like this stresses me out so ima just do the cleaning myself rn.





Yeahh that's all. This world has been fucking painful for me and I'm fucking sick of it tbh. I'm sick of living in pain & discomfort. I'd rather fucking live within some comfort & oblivion for a week or 2.



My dying wishes are to be in comfort & oblivion for once...



What are some of ur dying wishes?

 

[cscott]

Didn't sleep that well but honestly? Whatever. I'll survive.



I paid my rent and bills. Gonna order some other things too. Gonna clean my bathroom & take down the garbage & shower.



Then ima go get some incense. I might even wash my sheets again just for the hell of it... / for the comfort of it all...







Now with my own CTB on the way jus thinkin of how I want my last days to be.



Wanna drink some flavored sake. Also wanted to try makgeolli again. Cooler slushies. Don't usually drink but now it's like why not? So that's one of the orders I am making.



Thinkin of the food I'd like to eat. Bingsu, cup noodles, unique ice cream flavors / bars, mochi, Indian food(from drinks to mains to desserts), thai curry, steak, sashimi,sushi, kimchi fried rice, korean corn dogs, korean donuts, etc.



Probs more but thats mostly what can come to mind right now.



So, I just wanna eat some good food and work on the prep and such to kill myself. It gets demeaning when people around me think its just a temporary state of feeling. Like fuck y'all. I'm not ending my life to prove anyone anything. I'm doing it for my own peace of mind. So truthfully at this point Idgaf but yeah it does piss me off how people be deciding for me what's serious or not.







Sooo yeee I'm gonna take 1 pill of my adhd meds, order some stuff for breakfast hmm I'm thinking a bakery?, then ima have some breakfast & caffeine.



Thenn may wash my sheets again. bc thats comfort fr fr. Then ima clean the bathroom fully and take down the garbage.



I think I needa make a grocery order tbh. Buy a water filter, some ice cubes trays, garbage bags, maybe I'll order some other bathroom cleaning product that I like?, paper towel, toilet paper, some electrolyte drink, though I may just buy some powder I dunno...



If I take the bus I can probs stop offf at a few stores. I don't wanna take the bus bc too many people. I almost always have some form of a meltdown or feel super tired after taking the bus. Too many fucking decisions to make within the living honestly. like this is what just pisses me off.



So ima just order what I can from one place. Order the alcohol too.



Uber to the other after I finish the chores. Be back in bed by the afternoon stoned and or drunk chillin.



Im gonna get a subscription to teletoon to re-watch Adventure Time & some other personal favs.



My friend suggested taking a couple weeks off of just not living and such and possibly ordering a new mattress (she has extra funds for that) and getting like a paid psw service.



The thought of shopping and picking a mattress stresses me out butttt upon further thought if ima be sitting my ass in bed for a few weeks might wanna do it in comfort. I just need help to set up and throw away current one bc thats what really stresses me out. So maybe I'll take a look today tbh.



Having someone in my place while I feel like this stresses me out so ima just do the cleaning myself rn.





Yeahh that's all. This world has been fucking painful for me and I'm fucking sick of it tbh. I'm sick of living in pain & discomfort. I'd rather fucking live within some comfort & oblivion for a week or 2.



My dying wishes are to be in comfort & oblivion for once...



What are some of ur dying wishes?

My dying wish is for nothing but it to be over ASAP! What's your method of out of this illusion of hell ?

 

[gotomrg]

sounds very peaceful. i'm planning to spend my last days this way too. just calmly enjoying some little things. eating good food. i wish you well. hope you'll find peace.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

My dying wish is for nothing but it to be over ASAP! What's your method of out of this illusion of hell ?

SN!!!

Also I feel ya on just wanting out and wishing you the best on your personal journey

 

[FuneralCry]

My dying wish would of course be to peacefully fall into an eternal sleep, but sadly such a thing happening would always be too good to be true. But anyway best wishes with your plans.

 

[counting-out-time]

to think about it, my dying wish (if santa was real i'd ask him for this) would be to have a household light switch in a box that controls my life, when i decide to die, i can just flick the switch and that's it, lights out! no more pain or BS in this life of mine.

too add - i suppose it could be done if i wire my brain up to a 600v 3 phase circuit and then flip the switch on the panel.

Would imagine it would be something like this from wrong turn 4 (skip to 1 min)






looks painful but should only take a few seconds with 1000V to be over.