Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight <3

[neverwashere]

Hello everyone. Some of you may have seen me around, most of you likely have not. Either way, I'm neverwashere- and this is my suicide note/my goodbye to this wonderful forum.

I think I have cptsd. My parents had a super messy divorce when I was six, the effects of which are still ongoing to this day. As a result of said messy divorce, I blame myself for ruining my parents lives; if I had't been born, they would still be happy. I'm more than convinced that this is the root of all of my problems.

But what drove me to this "drastic measure"? Well, my dad.

Any time my dad is brought up (who is a narcissist) or any time I hear his voice, or god forbid see him, I ineviatebly have a mental breakdown. Yesterday I heard my brother on the phone with im and it was on speaker. I don't know what they were talking about but hearing his voice was enough to ruin my mood. Today I was down as well and ended up trying to talk to my mom about how I felt-- but she immediately started excusing his actions even though he constantly abused her in front of me when I was growing up.

I start crying. She tells me to get over myself and think about how difficult I'm making her life with my problems. I tell her that not everything is about herself. She tells me she doesn't care and that maybe I should kill myself after all.

So I will. I don't know why I still come to her looking for some semblance of empathy when I know I won't get any.

While I was breaking down I texted my best friend literally saying "I am having a mental health crisis", like I promised I would if I ever felt even remotely actively suicidal. And guess what they did? Fucking brushed me off. Said "damn sorry man" and left me on read after that.
Everything hurts. Why does nobody in my life care? I just want to be happy. I don't want to be like this but nothing works. I'm so, so tired. I'm planning to jump off of a high bridge that goes over a river near my house either tonight or tomorrow morning.

I've gotten enough proof I need that nobody would care if I dropped off of the face of the earth. I'm done.

I likely won't be coming back to this forum. I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has provided me with support and advice over the last however many months I've been active here. Life is a journey to the end, and you all have done nothing but helped guide me when I felt lost and held my hand when I was scared. That is so much more than anyone has done for me in real life regarding my mental health. It truly means the world to me.

So, wherever you may be, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

Neverwashere, signing off. <3

 

[DoubleUp8]

What about good morning? Seriously tho nothing could have been your fault when you were 6! From what you're saying your parents are probably to blame for your sadness and depression. My biological parents broke up in the summer when I was between 4th and 5th grade and I was immediately fucked up in the head and have been ever since. I can relate to how you feel. I hope you will reconsider. Don't blame yourself for anything that happened when you were a child. I don't know you except for your post. But I am actually tearing up. Tears are coming from my eyes as I type because I don't think you should. It's really weird cuz I didn't cry reading any other posts here but reading yours I got this strong feeling that NO! This person shouldn't for those reasons! I really hope not. Please talk to me 1st at least. I don't know you or anything about you. Don't know how old you are or your gender. Never seen you. But for some reason reading your post deeply saddened me and I find myself really caring about you. Not kidding. Tears are coming from my eyes. Maybe because my childhood was so much like yours parents and family broke up when we were kids. I never cry so this is weird. Sincerely hope you don't. At least not yet. Doesn't sound like good enough reasons. I was struck with profound sadness reading your post. I plan on dying soon and I'm now sadder about your possible death more than my own. I can't really explain why because I don't understand either. Your post made me cry and I don't cry!

 

[casual_existence]

Hope you can find peace!

 

[maidens]

farewell, rest peacefully

 

[AInilam]

Goodnight, rest well and pleasant dreams

 

[DoubleUp8]

I don't get it. I don't care about anything anymore or anyone. Not even myself. Why am I crying? Why should I care if you ctb? I don't even know you. Why did your post affect me this way and none of the others? And I read lots of em. Maybe cuz I identify with your story. Family breaking up at a young age and fucked me up in the head like what you described. Idk. I hope you are least talk to me 1st. Maybe I am crying cuz u already ctb cuz I am somewhat precognitive. I hope not but I think that might be it too. Maybe none of it makes sense

 

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I hope that you find peace from all the suffering.