Venting Gonna attempt in 2 days

[suistore]

I've been thinking a lot about how and when I should do it. I'm meeting my love on Sunday and we are spending the night together in a cabin. I'd really really really like to do it in the bathroom or something, but I'm afraid he would get up and find me. I don't want to be saved and I don't want to traumatize him, but I can't stop thinking about what a perfect end it would be. Spend the whole night with the boy I love and then die in the next room over.

I most likely won't do that. I hate to wait until I get home though, too. I don't want my family finding me too early either. I might tell him to leave me at the cabin and that I'll get a ride home, then do it after he leaves. This would be the ideal situation.

I practiced partial again tonight and am sure that I'll be able to pass out when the time comes. I wish I knew exactly when and where to do it, though. I've been quite upset over the fact that I am going to die soon, but I know it's what I have to do. If I don't do it now, I'll never do it. I can't help but search for reasons not to go through with it, but I truly have none. I've mostly accepted it I guess. It's just scary. I know have to do it though. I'm gonna do my best to succeed.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

May you find your peace.

 

[Aknu132]

Goodluck Sui. I Wish you the best outcome possible. Let your mind and body finally find peace.

 

[Quietist]

Just consider your partner, because if you do it with him there, it's possible he could be investigated by the police if they need to discern between your death being actual suicide or murder.

I was questioned by detectives after a friend of mine attempted suicide, simply because he texted me before doing it.

Other than that, I totally understand your perspective and that you want to end everything on a good note.

 

[suistore]

Just consider your partner, because if you do it with him there, it's possible he could be investigated by the police if they need to discern between your death being actual suicide or murder.

I was questioned by detectives after a friend of mine attempted suicide, simply because he texted me before doing it.

Other than that, I totally understand your perspective and that you want to end everything on a good note.

I've thought about this, and it's probably the main reason why I've decided not to do it when I am with him. I'm also planning on leaving my journal and phone accessible, there are more than enough writings/photos in these to hopefully clear up any suspicion of murder almost immediately. The last thing I want is to get him in trouble, I'm going to try to make it as clear as possible that it was suicide.
Thanks for the advice!

 

[knowledgeseeking]

As someone who woke up next to their partner dead (not from suicide), you will essentially break a part of him. He will be questioned by police and experience a trauma no should ever to experience. You referred to him as your love and assuming you meant that, I hope you would not do that him.

i know that when any of choose to leave this life, we will cause others pain. It is a sad inevitability. That doesn't mean we have to stay and suffer and let that drive our choices, but I think we do have a moral obligation to mitigate as much pain as we can.

I wish you peace in your journey.

 

[fadedghost]

OP, are you male or female?

You mentioned different things in a few posts, but I don't entirely understand your reasons for wanting to ctb. Do you have some sort of incurable medical problem, treatment-resistant depression, or something else? You're super young to ctb it seems like...

I'm pro-choice and believe people should be able to make a choice... but I would guess you are 18 and that seems shockingly young to commit suicide without any sort of clear reason. Have you tried to get better at all? A lot of depression does go away with treatment, although it might not for you... but a good number of people have major depressive disorder, get treatment, and get better... or sometimes it just goes away on it's own. Are you sure this is what you want? This seems so young to me, especially when you're in a relationship, I don't get why things feel so bad for you...

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

May peace find you

 

[suistore]

OP, are you male or female?

You mentioned different things in a few posts, but I don't entirely understand your reasons for wanting to ctb. Do you have some sort of incurable medical problem, treatment-resistant depression, or something else? You're super young to ctb it seems like...

I'm pro-choice and believe people should be able to make a choice... but I would guess you are 18 and that seems shockingly young to commit suicide without any sort of clear reason. Have you tried to get better at all? A lot of depression does go away with treatment, although it might not for you... but a good number of people have major depressive disorder, get treatment, and get better... or sometimes it just goes away on it's own. Are you sure this is what you want? This seems so young to me, especially when you're in a relationship, I don't get why things feel so bad for you...

I really apologize, I realize I've not really given a precise reason or story or whatever on here for my wanting to ctb.

I'm a male.
I've been to therapy quite a few times in the past but they've never done anything to help me really. I don't have any kind of health condition or anything, I've just been sick of life for a very long time. My parents were never together, my mom is an addict, dad left, my grandmother got custody and abused me and siblings, then dad got custody and let his wife abuse us. This is the long-story-short of my life. All of my caretakers treated me so bad, it made me hate myself since I was a kid. Now I'm away from them, but still hate myself, hate family, hate the world.
Logically I know there is a possibility of me getting better someday, but I am so worn out from such a hectic life that I don't even want to try. Maybe it is a lazy excuse, but it's really all I have. I'm too lazy to really try to get better.

Also, I'm not in a relationship. I love the person I mention, but he does not love me. I'm not any good with relationships anyway.

I've spent my whole life wishing it would end, only now do I actually have the choice. I know I'm young but I'm just so over everything. Hopefully this kinda makes sense. I know it isn't really a good reason, and lots of people have it a lot worse than I do. Sorry

 

[darksouls]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you desire

 

[Le temps perdu]

May the peace be with you, wishing you all the best.

 

[fadedghost]

I really apologize, I realize I've not really given a precise reason or story or whatever on here for my wanting to ctb.

I'm a male.
I've been to therapy quite a few times in the past but they've never done anything to help me really. I don't have any kind of health condition or anything, I've just been sick of life for a very long time. My parents were never together, my mom is an addict, dad left, my grandmother got custody and abused me and siblings, then dad got custody and let his wife abuse us. This is the long-story-short of my life. All of my caretakers treated me so bad, it made me hate myself since I was a kid. Now I'm away from them, but still hate myself, hate family, hate the world.
Logically I know there is a possibility of me getting better someday, but I am so worn out from such a hectic life that I don't even want to try. Maybe it is a lazy excuse, but it's really all I have. I'm too lazy to really try to get better.

Also, I'm not in a relationship. I love the person I mention, but he does not love me. I'm not any good with relationships anyway.

I've spent my whole life wishing it would end, only now do I actually have the choice. I know I'm young but I'm just so over everything. Hopefully this kinda makes sense. I know it isn't really a good reason, and lots of people have it a lot worse than I do. Sorry

It's your choice on what you do, but you're finally old enough to get a job and not have to be treated like shit all the time. Usually workplaces are very respectful because when people at work aren't respectful, it can result in lawsuits; plus if you have a job you hate, you can find another one. It's not always easy of course, but you won't have to have terrible caretakers anymore. Once you can earn money, things can sometimes be better, or at least very different than having to live with abusive mean people.

 

[needtodienow]

I've been thinking a lot about how and when I should do it. I'm meeting my love on Sunday and we are spending the night together in a cabin. I'd really really really like to do it in the bathroom or something, but I'm afraid he would get up and find me. I don't want to be saved and I don't want to traumatize him, but I can't stop thinking about what a perfect end it would be. Spend the whole night with the boy I love and then die in the next room over.

I most likely won't do that. I hate to wait until I get home though, too. I don't want my family finding me too early either. I might tell him to leave me at the cabin and that I'll get a ride home, then do it after he leaves. This would be the ideal situation.

I practiced partial again tonight and am sure that I'll be able to pass out when the time comes. I wish I knew exactly when and where to do it, though. I've been quite upset over the fact that I am going to die soon, but I know it's what I have to do. If I don't do it now, I'll never do it. I can't help but search for reasons not to go through with it, but I truly have none. I've mostly accepted it I guess. It's just scary. I know have to do it though. I'm gonna do my best to succeed.

Hey there. I know that I am just a stranger online and all. But I know how you feel. As a gay man myself I know how lonely and alien feeling the world is. If you ever want to talk I'm here

 

[suistore]

Hey there. I know that I am just a stranger online and all. But I know how you feel. As a gay man myself I know how lonely and alien feeling the world is. If you ever want to talk I'm here

Thank you ♡♡

 

[babyneo1]

Thank you ♡♡

Are you doing it tomorrow?( Which method, still partial?

 

[suistore]

Are you doing it tomorrow?( Which method, still partial?

Yes to both, if everything goes according to plan.

 

[babyneo1]

Yes to both, if everything goes according to plan.

Hope you find peace, think your life can't be fixed?

 

[suistore]

Hope you find peace, think your life can't be fixed?

Thank you. If I put in some effort I very likely could fix my life, but I don't really see a point.

 

[lpdsvm]

I'm sorry you're carrying all of this. You sound exhausted, and it seems like you've been thinking about it for a long time.
I wish I had such a close CTB date. I will try to make it happen sooner. I just need to hurry up and find out some things.

 

[suistore]

I'm sorry you're carrying all of this. You sound exhausted, and it seems like you've been thinking about it for a long time.
I wish I had such a close CTB date. I will try to make it happen sooner. I just need to hurry up and find out some things.

Yes, I have been.
What method were you thinking of? I hope you can figure things out, and find peace soon.

 

[lpdsvm]

Yes, I have been.
What method were you thinking of? I hope you can figure things out, and find peace soon.

SN (no other meds) + self induced syncope + hanging, or ratchet strap. Maybe just SN but I seen no issues in combining 2 methods.
If I have no access to this at that time, just FSH then. I must be ready.
I need to find out if the russian consulate will renew my passport or not in my case. I need to wait a bit.... .
If it works out I will just have no specific date and just chill until something else comes up. Negative result - back to shifting my deadline closer and closer.
Partial and ratchet never worked for me. I tried different spots with socks too, but I didn't feel comfortable. I still consider them just in case.

 

[suistore]

SN (no other meds) + self induced syncope + hanging, or ratchet strap. Maybe just SN but I seen no issues in combining 2 methods.
If I have no access to this at that time, just FSH then. I must be ready.
I need to find out if the russian consulate will renew my passport or not in my case. I need to wait a bit.... .
If it works out I will just have no specific date and just chill until something else comes up. Negative result - back to shifting my deadline closer and closer.

SN without any other meds seems scary, I hope it works out well. How will you induce syncope? I've been considering trying this with PSH, but I haven't been able to find any reliable videos on how to do it.

FSH is scary too, you sound very brave. Good luck with whatever you end up doing!

 

[babyneo1]

Thank you. If I put in some effort I very likely could fix my life, but I don't really see a point.

Same :(

 

[lpdsvm]

SN without any other meds seems scary, I hope it works out well. How will you induce syncope? I've been considering trying this with PSH, but I haven't been able to find any reliable videos on how to do it.

FSH is scary too, you sound very brave. Good luck with whatever you end up doing!

SN is not scary for me as it is the only chemical that does the job. I have no access to other meds only OTC.
Self induced syncope is on YouTube along with - HOW THE CHOKING GAME KILLS DEMONSTRATED. It's about the syphon effect and directly related to hanging.
If you spend a bunch of time (even more than that) you will see so many things

 

[suistore]

SN is not scary for me as it is the only chemical that does the job. I have no access to other meds only OTC.
Self induced syncope is on YouTube along with - HOW THE CHOKING GAME KILLS DEMONSTRATED. It's about the syphon effect and directly related to hanging.
If you spend a bunch of time (even more than that) you will see so many things

The vomiting aspect is scary for me personally, if you are able to power through it then I find you very brave. I wish there were more effective AEs otc, I'd definitely do SN if I had access to AEs.
Interesting, I'll look this up if I have the time. Thanks for the info.

 

[lpdsvm]

The vomiting aspect is scary for me personally, if you are able to power through it then I find you very brave. I wish there were more effective AEs otc, I'd definitely do SN if I had access to AEs.
Interesting, I'll look this up if I have the time. Thanks for the info.

I read that even with a protocol people vomit. But those who take less SN might not vomit at all. Fasting helps a lot. Without fasting I think it will be messy like that drunk streamer that CTBed with wine and SN.
Passing out before hanging could be even better for me. Just a few sec. So I might go for it. Good to have options. I use this website more than other social media.