Going to drink the SN

[fastlife]

Rip shine in heaven:hart:

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Godspeed.

 

[Sherri]

I'm sorry life brought you to this, I hope you find the peace you are craving for. Fly high sweet soul.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Everytime we interacted, I could sense that you were a kind person trying their best to get by in an increasingly cutthroat world, a world which never took the time to slow down and give you the patience and understanding you deserved. If only it hadn't come to this, and you could've been supported in your dream to leave Romania and teach English.

I wish I had spoken to you more, your Johan pfp signalled to me first thing that you were a based and interesting human. Wherever you are now, know that you weren't trash, or hated, you were a genuinely awesome person with so much to give, but merely found yourself being taken from too much, until the dam broke.

You are always welcome here, if you wake up tomorrow, though I fear you've already passed on.

 

[Chronicillness]

Your posts spoke to me on a personal level. To see you go so suddenly has made me feel even more like a forlorn hermit. You may have not gotten the interactions you wanted IRL, but here on SS you've touched the souls of many by giving us the unvarnished truth about your lifetime struggle with dejection.

If you've passed on, I hope that love itself flies you into the heavens.

 

[waitingforrest]

Sad to see you go, but I'm glad you won't be hurting no more. Rest well bud.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

Noooo i can't believe you're gone and i didn't have the chance to say goodbye. Sleep well dear friend, i'm sad to see a person leaving this world because of loneliness. It's a shame good people are not meant to live in this world.

 

[Circles]

Oh no I can't believe it. I'm so sorry it came to this my friend. Damn man of course I was late to say goodbye.

You know sometimes I wish people on here could just stop talking and realize that someone just died. This is real and so fucking sad. Even despite being pro choice I just wish I could've talked to him. Like fuck man. Fuck this world.

 

[Sherri]

We only spoke a few times, even exchanged videos. I'm too lost for words. I'm gonna log off. Aim for the stars my angel. :(

 

[°Celsuis_Caesar]

I wish you smooth sailing, Brother
Rest In everlasting bliss

 

[Life sucks]

We talked little and we talked about some games and stuff with specific details. I tried to say that you're not hated. Now the conversation ended and I wrote too late.

I'm sorry, I wish you peace and I couldn't do more because of my pain and conditions, and my words aren't expressive enough.

This life is cruel

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Godspeed. Hope you find the peace you desired

 

[Passersby]

Damnit I cant believe your gone. We just talked. I came back too late and didn't get a chance to update you and say goodby. I didn't realize how close to ctb you were currently. I had a new friend and now your gone. Just like that. I know it's a suicide forum but it's sad. I will miss you. I hope you are free and at peace. No more suffering.

 

[GentleJerk]

This is deeply saddening, you have been a welcome presence here and despite how it might have felt, you are not hated. Many people here enjoyed your company and we are upset to see you go. You reached out to a few people here and I'm sure we all wish there was more we could have done to help and make your time with us as good as possible. I enjoyed talking to you even though ultimately it might have been of little value. It's true, sometimes we don't have the right words and it's heartbreaking when there's nothing more that can be done. I'm sorry you were unable to find the love, appreciation and care that you needed in this world.

I know you probably wont be reading this which adds even more sadness to this whole situation, but for anybody else reading- just make the best effort you can with all the people in your life, don't leave things till later, give whatever support and understanding you are able to, don't hold back. Because once a person is gone, it's too late.

Wishing you everlasting peace, and all the luck, success, and fulfillment in the universe, forever and always.

 

[OrcWitch]

I'm sorry it came to this and you felt so awful. You were a pleasure to have around. Rest in peace

 

[Depressed Cat]

His last note is heart-wrenching to read.

At least he is now free of the pain and suffering this cruel world had inflicted on him. I hope he has found everlasting peace!

 

[sninturkey]

His last note is heart-wrenching to read.

At least he is now free of the pain and suffering this cruel world had inflicted on him. I hope he has found everlasting peace!

He left?

 

[Death is beautiful]

He left?

Apparently, yes, no new messages from him. Unfortunately we can't see when he went online

 

[Hemlock]

I'm sorry to learn that life didn't get better for you. I hope that you found peace.

 

[Lost Magic]

Man, I loved your posts. You added so much to the community and were very brave. I hope you managed to overcome the sick feeling you had. Try and get anti-emetics for anybody attempting SN in the future and propranolol for the racing heart. Anyway, fly high my friend. You are FREE!

 

[Angi]

I hope you found peace. I am am so sad I am here too late to say goodbye. Ideed, one should not take the presence of anybody for granted, not irl, nor in a suicide forum. Still, you contributions will be missed dearly...

 

[miserableforever]

I cried reading your post cause I can relate so much. Hope you're safe now

 

[ikadasui]

Really enjoyed reading your replies to my bitching, man. Rest easy

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Thank you for giving me the courage as well you will be missed. This is heartbreaking however at least they no longer have to suffer rest well

 

[completely-done]

Wow
This person seemed to be very loved and had a beautiful mind. I'll miss TheHatedOne. RIP

 

[gr1lledcheese]

Initially I was planning to ctb on 14th February, Valentine's Day. However, after a series of disappointments, on top being the failure resulted from trying to act upon one of my last wishes, to talk with a certain person, but he refused to, I decided to do it earlier. Because, I'm not worth anything and I also realized that I was prolonging my suffering for nothing.
Then, I decided to do it on a whatever day seemed fit to ctb one week before 14th. Again, big mistake. I can't prolong my suffering anymore even for days, let alone weeks. Plus, there were many signs these days that pointed towards to that I should suicide.
And so, here I am, earlier, and a bit unexpected, but I got to do it.

One of the main reasons I'm going to do it is poverty and the inevitable situation of becoming homeless.
Another main reason that I'm going to do it is because of humans, my main source of suffering. I've been trampled on over and over again by them. I was betrayed, exploited, tortured, traumatized, bullied, let down, had my heart broken billion of times, used, made fun of, ostracized. And it all started from the very first people that I met in this cursed life: my "parents".
The last top reason is loneliness. I've experienced loneliness about 98% of my life. It's beyond awful to be the odd one out there no matter what, to see how other people get along well with each other and are loved, cared for, appreciated and worshipped. While I'm here left wondering what did I do? It's as if I committed every crime possible, but I didn't! What's wrong with me? Why can't I have what everyone else has?

There were about 3 exceptions in my life, but all short lasting and each of them ended tragically. Last one really impacted me and even to this day I feel beyond empty. He was my spiritual twin and I've been thinking about him every single day since then.

Even if it's not Valentine's Day, my statement still stands. My ctb is a statement of how "loved" I was in this life. It's a statement of how constantly ostracizing a person who did nothing wrong can affect them in such a way that they lose their mind and can barely do anything anymore. It's a statement of how little to no love and care does to someone. A statement of what happens when you keep telling a person "You're not entitled to/ go to therapist" when they tell you they want someone to talk to/ be cared for/ be loved, because these are so essential just like food and water.


All of these will be lost to me soon. And I can't believe it. No more suffering, no more humans, no more grief, no more nothing. I will escape. I will be saved. I'll have my hand taken by the sweet warm death. I'll be comforted. I'll be at... at home.

I will still miss my kitty. Also thunderstorms.

I hope that one of these scenarios will happen after I die: eternal sleep or an afterlife with no pain and suffering where I will meet him.

Besides a statement, this post is also meant to document CTB with SN method, one in which I won't use AE, but will use an antacid that isn't on the recommendation list. We need more documentations like this because not everyone has access to what's recommended, so they have to resort to alternatives.

Here's my plan in summary.

So I fasted for 8-9 hours, no liquids two-three hours before taking SN (except for when I take the meds).

20 minutes before taking Paracetamol I tested the two SN that I have by doing the blood test. For the first SN that I ordered, the blood turned dark brown in less than 30 seconds on all tries. The second one though, the results varied. First time the blood turned dark brown in less than 30 seconds, but for the next tries it took much more time for the blood to turn dark brown. So I'm going with the first one.

At 16:00 (4 PM) my time I took 1000mg of paracetamol.
16:15: pass because I have no AE (initially ordered Meclizine which was the only available for me but it was arriving way too late so I gave up on it)
16:30: 3 x Rennie antacid
17:00: Party

How do I plan the SN drinks: I will drink two and will have a third as a backup. First one will have 30g in 50ml water (I know that recommended is 25, but I'm fat as fuck so I want to be sure), the other two 25g in 50ml water. I will drink it with a straw and will suck on a chocolate in between. If I throw up a lot I'll drink from the third one too.

Before I will also take some security and privacy measures such as deleting my browser history everywhere, chats where I talked about ctb etc.

I also wrote a IRL note where I just said that I want to be cremated after.

If I don't have any kind of activity for weeks it means I'm officially dead.

Here's hoping that I succeed.

Thanks.

PS: writing this on the go so first update after I drink the SN will be here before actually posting and then I'll keep updating.

Update: took the two cups later than expected cause I had rphlems with dissolving. Taste isn't that bad , just as if you ate a whole pack of salt. Rn my heart beats fast and I'm dizzy and a bit nausepus

Update 2: I feel like throwing up so much

I can relate to a lot of what you shared. I wish you peace.

 

[olkf]

I have been tempted to do take SN without an AE. I have everything else. I have a concern. I am still unsure rather it was successful

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry I missed you. I wish I could have told you goodbye. Wish I could have given you a big hug before you left.
This hurts and we never met. I'm not trying to make this about me. I truly hope you found peace.

 

[Manaaja]

I'm sorry I didn't talk with you more and I'm sorry I forgot to reply to the chat message. I enjoyed talking with you, you were a good and kind person. I'm sorry this world treated you so badly.

I hope you are free from all the bad things now, and hope you are doing well wherever you are.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I hope you find peace.