Help Going to college just to CTB?

[PropaneOctane]

I never wanted to go to college before, but since I finished school this year, decided to go through with the 'going to college' stuff, not only because I found this only thing I mildly like amongst every single other major (the country I live doesn't even have the exact one I actually want), but because I felt like this could aid on my CTB somehow.

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I pictured myself using college as an excuse to search and buy for the stuff or even use the time to actually go through it. I'm not gonna be completely absent, of course. Gotta at least go to the classes just to see if it's even worth staying.
I've long stopped caring about anyone finding the body, hear about the news or something. I don't want to bother my friends with my shit (they all have their own set of issues and I don't want to be a thorn on their side), all my parents would do is scream at me for even attempting, therapy has been nothing but a failure, and taking meds is either no different than inhaling a piece of plastic with water or they give me some shitty side effects (been through 5 of them already and I'm so done with it)

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Feel free to be honest: Is my plan shit?

 

[petmom]

I pictured myself using college as an excuse to search and buy for the stuff or even use the time to actually go through it

TLDR: the independence in college can make ctb easier in some ways, but college is also a lot more than that. Both good and bad. Try seeing if it's worth it for you. Maybe you can make it at least past 1st year?

I think with those of us who are both young and suicidal, College can be a lot. It's both a lot of opportunity and new people, but A LOT of distress at times.

Definitely consider it. For some people it goes well. Some go, and change for the better. They'll learn a lot, take classes they love or hate, have at least some funny memories, suffer together, or work together for cool things. You are guaranteed to make at least a few new friends and do many new things.

There's a lot of different people and programs. You'll learn and experience things you don't expect. If nothing else, the experience will have surprises. If it didn't then it wouldn't be so stressful :) but on a serious note, college leaves most people with good memories. At least a few

It bridges out into various things. So tbh it can be good or bad afterwards. But in general statistics show that your life is better off career and income wise with a degree vs without. It sounds cliche, but it really will open doors.

I'm in 3rd year of university but also on this forum so you can imagine how it's going for me. I'm in the thick of it. All the deadlines on my calendar already make me want to die lol.

I think it's safe to say that college will enrich life and add SOMETHING. For some people it's amazing. For some it's stressful. Doors will be opened. But I can't say whether you, I, or anyone else will make it for sure.

Be warned that university/college is rough on mental health. The stress always makes me more suicidal. There's a (maybe) myth that mid semester breaks exist because of suicide risk. However most people are ok.

Idk I feel like I personally always say, to young suicidal people like me (and I am a bit of hypocrite but anyways) to at least graduate university/college first. Or at least make it to your early 20s. Some version of that. Because you don't know just how much you don't know, until you're confronted with it in that new environment

And yes the increased independence brings opportunities. So if that's acquiring things to ctb, fair. But it's also so much more obviously lol

I can't really promise that college will go one way or another. But I can say that it doesn't have to be as bad. Try new things like different study spots, events, classes, food places, and things I can't even come up with rn. Odds are that your college has more than you think

 

[PropaneOctane]

Definitely consider it. For some people it goes well. Some go, and change for the better. They'll learn a lot, take classes they love or hate, have at least some funny memories, suffer together, or work together for cool things. You are guaranteed to make at least a few new friends and do many new things.

Hmm, looking at it that way, makes sense.
One thing I didn't mention is that I'm also thinking about college because of this "seeing if it's worth for me" part. (I often tend to forget to mention things and word myself even poorer when i'm in the heat of the moment i'm sorry aaaaa

) School was somewhat like this for me in the very last year, so maybe it could be the same? (Can't really know for sure unless I'm actually there xD)

It bridges out into various things. So tbh it can be good or bad afterwards. But in general statistics show that your life is better off career and income wise with a degree vs without. It sounds cliche, but it really will open doors.

I've heard about that before, but for the specific degree I'm looking for, I'm afraid it might end up being one of the "useless degrees" people talk so much about. (It's Visual Arts, specifically a Licentiate)

Be warned that university/college is rough on mental health. The stress always makes me more suicidal. There's a (maybe) myth that mid semester breaks exist because of suicide risk. However most people are ok.

HHHAhaha that's one thing I'm also worried about.

I worry that my already pre-existing issues (gender dysphoria is already been slowly eating my mind inside out) along with that might make me snap and the only doors that will be opened on college will be the psych ward ones D: But i'll be thinking about that later ^^;

Idk I feel like I personally always say, to young suicidal people like me (and I am a bit of hypocrite but anyways) to at least graduate university/college first. Or at least make it to your early 20s. Some version of that. Because you don't know just how much you don't know, until you're confronted with it in that new environment

It's 4 years (afaik), so guess I'll try to handle things at least for a bit.
Thank you for making me consider.