Venting Going to be home all alone for over the next week

[Life Is My Coffin]

Last couple days the memories of past trauma keeps coming back to me through the sleepless nights, and I think it's going to get worse knowing i'll be all by myself in this big empty home for a while. I normally enjoy solitude (as I like to say: love being alone, hate being lonely). Being home by myself normally isn't so bad, but it is when it's for several days. Considering my recent emotional strains this seems like it'll be hard.

I wish I still had friends or people who reached out and messaged me. I don't even miss being in a relationship as much as I just miss people who were actually pretty chill to me, but as the years pass it seems I have absolutely nobody who isn't immediate family that'll ever care. At times I'll actually greatly miss last year when I was stuck in an abusive relationship cuz at least she called me fairly often, and I really miss the excitement of seeing my phone ring and proceeding to answer it because that meant someone (supposedly) cared enough to talk to me but it's not like that anymore and I feel it'll probably never will be like that for me again. Phone is always dry, even thinking about how literally nobody calls me except my mom or the front desk of my physician to confirm an appointment makes me cry. Life for me is so lonely and it's painful.

 

[TapeMachine]

Love being alone, hate being lonely.

That's how I feel too. I need a certain amount of alone-time every day, otherwise I'm not able to properly gather my thoughts, regulate my moods/emotions, and so forth.

But loneliness is an entirely different thing.

I miss the days when I had friends too, back before I pushed everyone away. I'm more isolated now than I've ever been, and I can tell it's fucking with my head badly.

The only person who calls me these days is my mom, and she only calls like once a week.

I'm not trying to make this about me; all I'm trying to relay is: I sympathize and relate with you and your situation. I hate that you are experiencing the same kind of loneliness.

 

[F@#$]

I feel the same. I miss my abusive ex also for the same reason. Now I just go to work come home to my empty house and wish I was dead. I'll bet I wouldn't be found for months. Nobody cares.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

I feel the same. I miss my abusive ex also for the same reason. Now I just go to work come home to my empty house and wish I was dead. I'll bet I wouldn't be found for months. Nobody cares.

it's worse when you degrade yourself by sending a bunch of emails that they never respond to. that was a long time ago tho

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

I just realized that Dead is wearing a Sodom Tshirt in your pfp.

 

[hellispink]

When solitude is present, demons are more active than ever. It will be hard. It will be a fight you vs your demons. Good luck.