Venting Going out just makes me feel even worse

[SomewhatLoved]

I used to spend my time off work going out alone to parks and just wandering around, listening to music. It used to feel like getting out of the house was a nice break and it gave me something to do. But it feels like doing this for some reason just makes me feel even worse now. It's gotten to the point that I've just stopped going out because being at home strangely feels "less lonely" in some way.

But I don't really like being at home. When I'm at home I feel like I disappear into myself and I'm nothing, and I don't like it. Time just passes by and I don't even realize it. I just become a ghost or something. bleh.

 

[Dejected 55]

Being out and still alone makes me feel even more alone because I see others who are not alone. I know everyone has problems, but at least a lot of people have someone else sometimes. I never have anyone ever. And people like to talk about their lives and I'm reminded even more of what I can never have, what I can barely even imagine having. And I have to pretend to not be miserable or I have to have a conversation about it that will go nowhere and will itself be frustrating and remind me of how alone I am.

I don't hate people. I just am not one of them. I do not like being alone... but being actually by myself is strangely less lonely than being around other people. I feel most isolated in a group of people where I don't belong. It just magnifies my aloneness.

 

[astonishedturnip]

I hear you. I feel like I'm just some NPC that was randomly generated into the background of other people's lives. Everyone's in their friend groups or paired up and when I'm chatting up anyone for longer than a few sentences, I can feel how they're trying to end the conversation and get back to what they were doing... I don't know why I bother, lol.

Just sucks seeing these people with such full, rich lives, knowing it is like pulling teeth to get just one or two friends to hang out more frequently than once a financial quarter. I'm so alone lmao. I feel defective.

 

[unluckysadness]

Being out and still alone makes me feel even more alone because I see others who are not alone. I know everyone has problems, but at least a lot of people have someone else sometimes. I never have anyone ever. And people like to talk about their lives and I'm reminded even more of what I can never have, what I can barely even imagine having. And I have to pretend to not be miserable or I have to have a conversation about it that will go nowhere and will itself be frustrating and remind me of how alone I am.

I don't hate people. I just am not one of them. I do not like being alone... but being actually by myself is strangely less lonely than being around other people. I feel most isolated in a group of people where I don't belong. It just magnifies my aloneness.

i feel exactly the same

 

[Renato]

I don't hate people. I just am not one of them.

They should make t-shirts with that!

 

[Cowboy_Kid]

I recommend you listen to this song

Relatable though. I've felt like an alien my entire life. Sometimes I feel like the crazy, odd one out, sometimes I feel like I'm the only normal one and everyone else is crazy. Even as a kid, I wanted the typical big friend group you'd see in the movies, you know, where everybody just links up and go out and have these cool adventures.

Have you read The Cather In The Rye? I think you might like it, the main character is kind of an outsider to the society he lives in

 

[doomerguy88]

This is where I am at as well. I used to have no problems with going out and would even have fun. But now going out to do anything just feels so overwhelming that I can't bring myself to do it for the most part.

 

[pole]

I feel like an alien whenever I'm out and about. I just don't fit in anywhere. I feel disgusting and so out of place.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

Have you read The Cather In The Rye? I think you might like it, the main character is kind of an outsider to the society he lives in

I have not, but I've wanted to read it in the past. I've also been wanting to read Blood Meridian. I have a lot of textbooks to read as part of work/continuing professional development so usually once I'm done studying I'm pretty tired of reading lol.