Help Getting rid of suicide kit

[hopelessgirl]

Does anyone here have experience with getting rid of their suicide kit when in recovery?

I'm discussing really committing to life with my psychiatrist by getting rid of my kit, but so far I've seen him for half a year and I still haven't dared getting rid of it because I'm not sure how I'd react. He has suggested that it's because I want to keep some sort of control over my life by having a way out and that symbolically I have it as some sort of attachment to it.

I expect that the suicidal part of me would get frustrated and angry by getting rid of it and the side of me who wants to recover would be relieved and proud.

I haven't had any attempts in a while and I am currently suicidal approximately one time a week but haven't been actively planning in a while. Of course it's more complicated than that and I kind of am fantasizing about starving myself to death rather than using my SN and at the same time I am afraid of dying and often have strong bursts of SI.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Edit: it goes with the story that I have mixed up my SN once to drink it but couldn't make myself do it. So I'm not even sure if I'd ever be able to go through with it or if I even want do die anymore even though I don't have many reasons to live.

 

[loneliness0]

I am really happy to hear you are able talk with person you trust like your psychiatrist about suicide topic.

As far as your kit goes, it makes sense that there some mixed emotions and attachment and symbolism to it. I would feel like I am getting rid of my option to do it my suicidal side would feel very upset about it.

However I would think getting rid of it could be good idea. It for action what cannot be taken back, however you obviously have source so you could technically replace it at some point if things went really bad. Consern is that it being there totally smothers your side who wants to recover before it even have chance to come out more.

Giving side of you who want to recover small act of kindness and friendship by doing it, and maybe this side of you would want to come out more afterwards.