Venting Getting out of bed and trying makes me feel more sad

[SomewhatLoved]

About a month or two ago, one of the few people I talk to told me that he thinks I'm so sad because I keep myself in a cycle and that if I got up and did nice or happy things I would be better. Today I had a bit of energy so I did. I went for a ride on my motorcycle, I lifted some weights, and I finished building a model car kit that's been sitting on my desk for a few weeks. But to be honest it just made me feel worse. It felt like it took so much effort and I think in some ways I had a good day but it didn't feel worth it. It was satisfying finishing the kit. It made me feel accomplished lifting weights and being productive. It was rainy today and it felt nice riding through the atmosphere. Everything looked so green from the precipitation, the smell of rain was nice, and the rain drops on my visor were pretty. But still it was just kind of like "wow, this is it?" It feels like getting up and living is so much effort for such little return. The whole time it felt like I was constantly dragging a rock that was pulling me back, and I had to fight it the whole time.

I don't really have any aspirations. I have been trying to make fake goals and keep up with good habits for so long but it doesn't really feel like it ever gets better. I feel so done with life.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I can feel this. Just basic chores take a lot of effort these days. The difference is they must be done. Sure it feels great that the sink is now empty, but does it change anything really? No.

 

[Droso]

It's definitely a cruel cycle— feeling like you ought to be productive while everyone around you encourages you to do something because they think it will make you feel better. All of that stress and pressure builds up, and when you finally are productive, it feels anticlimactic. Especially when you're a person with little to no energy, that requires a ton of effort to do something other than laying in bed and scrolling on your phone.

It can do more harm than good, really. Exhausting yourself when you are already mentally exhausted and depressed. But the sentiment about these problems is "do what normal functioning people do and you'll eventually feel better." Load of BS. Certainly doesn't work for most people, I know it doesn't for me. It's all tiring. Having others breathe down your neck while you feel pressure by your own values.