Venting Getting groomed

[sulk]

Came back to this forum because everything is just getting worse my depression is so bad. I've been in this sexual relationship with a man way older than me (like at least 60) for a couple of months now and I guess he's grooming me but the bad part is that I don't really mind it because it's keeping me from killing my self... I know what a stupid coping mechanism. I guess my hypersexuality is keeping me alive but at what cost.

I hate him. I hate when he mentions other girls it kills me inside I know I'm not supposed to even care but it just hurts I want to be his special girl like he said (ik I'm disgusting) but am I even enough? If he leaves me then I will genuinely die because I literally have nothing else to live for and I know I'm undeserving of real love so I just go to him even though he treats me like trash so if he leaves me I'll be alone and rotten

 

[bitterToad]

Is being alone really worse than being with someone who makes you feel lonely?

If you're going to be unloved anyway, why willingly swallow something more painful? Do you enjoy/benefit from being in the victim role? There are more fulfilling ways to self-harm.

Is he grooming you, if you choose to stay and are a consenting adult? (I'm assuming, I don't know if you are)

If it's just a hypersex thing — there are many, easy, more constructive ways to get off. Men are simple horny creatures — they fuck sand, soap bottles and outlets. I guarantee you, you can find a bunch of other options if you put yourself out there. It is very likely you can find someone to whom you genuinely are something more of a "special girl". So why settle for this guy that you actively dislike?

"Are you even enough", for what? To get fucked? Do you have a vagina? Then yeah. Every. Time.

If they're not homophobic, even just fake boobs and hips are enough for that. Most men prefer anal anyway, and literally everyone has an asshole. I'm fat, androgynous, have a beard, saggy tits, and fucked-up stretch-marked skin — and they still woo and fuck me. You will always be enough to get fucked. But you get to *choose* who fucks you. Why are you choosing this guy?

Are you enough to be loved? I don't know, but you hate this guy, why are you even trying to be loved by him? You don't *love* him.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel special to someone, and loved by someone, but it sounds like you already know that's not what this is. So, go dig through the ocean of horny male humans and find something better than this, even if just by a margin. I'm not saying look for love, because I think that's a pipe-dream, but look for an arrangement that respects and benefits you both fairly (enough).

And if you keep existing, keep moving that bar a little higher over multiple attempts, until you find a worthwhile human being, then attempt to be a worthwhile human being to them in return — knowing full well that nothing lasts and statistically you will not work out. Enjoy it while it lasts, milk it.

Remember men are humans too, with their own fucked-up psychology, trauma and bullshit - if you can't understand someone, you can't love them. And if you can't love someone who is imperfect, how can you expect someone to love you? Nobody is perfect and even monsters are just broken humans. None of that means you should put up with abuse or neglect, nobody is coming to save you.

Guys only start becoming something like decent after age 35, emphasis on *something like*, and the decent ones of that age won't date under 26ish — because they understand how maturity and adult-life works.

Why are you hitting yourself? Life already sucks. Stop hitting yourself.