pseudo_pseu

pseudo_pseu

Member
Feb 22, 2023
60
Hey, just a fun story.

Last week, I got super drunk and explained promortalism, antinatalism and the rest (all while holding a knife for some reason) to a friend. I told her that her bag was left in the kitchen (it was) and waited in the kitchen in the dark with a knife. IDK what the obsession with knives was, kinda detracted from my argument I think. Anyway whatever, we had a chat for like and hour, suggested we commit suicide together and listed some methods, and then after that (didn't convince her) I just left at 'always open' and then messaged her to try to forget about the whole thing.

At one point I left for a bit and other one of my friends came to the kitchen, where I think she told her about what I had said but I'm not really sure. I had suggested suicide and hinted at the idea of a painless death, taking back control, etc. to the other person before (also while drunk lol).


I have one other person, who I knew from high school, and who is a nihilist, who I have also tried to convince to suicide unsuccessfully (but we still are in touch so maybe she'll contact me someday about it). She took a different perspective on nihilism which I guess is fair enough.

Anyway, that's where I am now, and I'll try with some more friends next time I'm drunk then have 'forgotten' about it the next day.

Oh yeah and for some reason one time I got drunk, went into the garden and with a hacksaw, wood and duct tape made a prop handgun. I still have that and I'm not really sure what to do with it (there aren't really any guns in my country).
 
Anxieyote

Anxieyote

A friend until the bitter end • 29
Mar 24, 2021
436
I think it does cross the line to suggest to your friends that they should CTB, whether they are nihilists or not. It is a personal assessment that needs to be made by each individual.

I hope you can respect that others may not be receptive to anti-life/pro-death philosophies. If they help you, then that’s fine, but I don’t really understand why you feel the need to push this on them.
 
pseudo_pseu

pseudo_pseu

Member
Feb 22, 2023
60
I think it does cross the line to suggest to your friends that they should CTB, whether they are nihilists or not. It is a personal assessment that needs to be made by each individual.

I hope you can respect that others may not be receptive to anti-life/pro-death philosophies. If they help you, then that’s fine, but I don’t really understand why you feel the need to push this on them.
I think you're right. With one of these people I was sure they were suicidal and it took me an embarrassingly long time to come to terms with the fact that they no longer are. With one I shan't push it any further and with one I'm just going to hint in regular conversation and see if it's reciprocated. As much as I laugh at this all, I agree that lines were crossed (to a greater degree than is written in the post).
 
RedHarlequin

RedHarlequin

Mage
Jul 8, 2018
515
Hey, just a fun story.

Last week, I got super drunk and explained promortalism, antinatalism and the rest (all while holding a knife for some reason) to a friend. I told her that her bag was left in the kitchen (it was) and waited in the kitchen in the dark with a knife. IDK what the obsession with knives was, kinda detracted from my argument I think. Anyway whatever, we had a chat for like and hour, suggested we commit suicide together and listed some methods, and then after that (didn't convince her) I just left at 'always open' and then messaged her to try to forget about the whole thing.

At one point I left for a bit and other one of my friends came to the kitchen, where I think she told her about what I had said but I'm not really sure. I had suggested suicide and hinted at the idea of a painless death, taking back control, etc. to the other person before (also while drunk lol).


I have one other person, who I knew from high school, and who is a nihilist, who I have also tried to convince to suicide unsuccessfully (but we still are in touch so maybe she'll contact me someday about it). She took a different perspective on nihilism which I guess is fair enough.

Anyway, that's where I am now, and I'll try with some more friends next time I'm drunk then have 'forgotten' about it the next day.

Oh yeah and for some reason one time I got drunk, went into the garden and with a hacksaw, wood and duct tape made a prop handgun. I still have that and I'm not really sure what to do with it (there aren't really any guns in my country).
I get you! When I drink I turn into a communist, probably boring everyone around me who just wants to dance and have a good time.
For me it's also all about philosophy not politics or the logistics of it.

What doesn't make me proud is that my grandparents got sent to Siberia during ww2 as a communistic regime got implemented. This seems to become irrelevant when I'm hammered though.
Edit: whats also quite strange is that I when sober I never think about communism, have never idolized it consciously 🤷
 
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pseudo_pseu

pseudo_pseu

Member
Feb 22, 2023
60
I get you! When I drink I turn into a communist, probably boring everyone around me who just wants to dance and have a good time.
For me it's also all about philosophy not politics or the logistics of it.

What doesn't make me proud is that my grandparents got sent to Siberia during ww2 as a communistic regime got implemented. This seems to become irrelevant when I'm hammered though.
Edit: whats also quite strange is that I when sober I never think about communism, have never idolized it consciously 🤷
Vodka has that effect!
 
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Das Nichts

Das Nichts

Dead Man Walking
Apr 8, 2023
355
Looks like everyone that's going to party with you should read some max stirner before.
 
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T

Twistedliesinside

Member
Apr 20, 2023
82
Honestly would love to chat with you hahaha! Although if it was dark and you had a knife I'd probably try to control your hands towards your throat as soon as I saw you :pfff:

So what makes you want any of your friends to die with you? Just can't follow through with your beliefs without the comfort of dragging a friend down with you? Make you feel like you're not making a mistake because you only have the conviction while you're drunk? Or too scared to die alone?

Oh and if you feel like replying to me, pick that knife back up. :happy:
:kiss:
 
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alyayoun

alyayoun

your worst nightmare
Apr 30, 2023
9
so you're telling us you told your suicidal (or used to be suicidal?) friend to kill themselves while you were drunk and it's supposed to be a fun story? what you do with your life is entirely your choice but suggesting to commit suicide with others is extremely obnoxious
 
T

Twistedliesinside

Member
Apr 20, 2023
82
As much as I laugh at this all, I agree that lines were crossed (to a greater degree than is written in the post).
I can only imagine what a wonderful friend and conversationalist you truly are. If I had to guess, you manipulated any empathy they had for you to drag on that conversation, when they wanted nothing to do with the topic or the knife in your hand.
 
S

SoftWorries

Experienced
Feb 22, 2023
287
" I told her that her bag was left in the kitchen (it was) and waited in the kitchen in the dark with a knife."

Just no dark kitchen bro
 
Aisley

Aisley

Specialist
Mar 12, 2023
335
so you're telling us you told your suicidal (or used to be suicidal?) friend to kill themselves while you were drunk and it's supposed to be a fun story? what you do with your life is entirely your choice but suggesting to commit suicide with others is extremely obnoxious
it's worse than obnoxious, it's parasitic.
 
pseudo_pseu

pseudo_pseu

Member
Feb 22, 2023
60
so you're telling us you told your suicidal (or used to be suicidal?) friend to kill themselves while you were drunk and it's supposed to be a fun story? what you do with your life is entirely your choice but suggesting to commit suicide with others is extremely obnoxious
it's worse than obnoxious, it's parasitic.
I can only imagine what a wonderful friend and conversationalist you truly are. If I had to guess, you manipulated any empathy they had for you to drag on that conversation, when they wanted nothing to do with the topic or the knife in your hand.
They're all such great people. I need them to die more than anything in the world, more than even myself. I don't know what to do other than try and convince them to come with me when I kill myself. All of the people I talked to hinted at some point or another about wanting to take back control of their lives, scared of painful ways of dying, etc. and I can save them from their fates, you know? Just need to make people come to terms with the fact that in their heart of hearts they want suicide, but propaganda has fried it out of us.

Seems nobody knows or cares that I can save them all. I need to find some way to convince or force or brainwash my family and friends into suicide, whatever it takes. Feeling like a missionary and everyone is rejecting my message and it's unbearable and I can't stop thinking about it.

Is 'catch the bus' a dogwhistle? Maybe I can find myself an ally or two.
 
Aisley

Aisley

Specialist
Mar 12, 2023
335
They're all such great people. I need them to die more than anything in the world, more than even myself. I don't know what to do other than try and convince them to come with me when I kill myself. All of the people I talked to hinted at some point or another about wanting to take back control of their lives, scared of painful ways of dying, etc. and I can save them from their fates, you know? Just need to make people come to terms with the fact that in their heart of hearts they want suicide, but propaganda has fried it out of us.

Seems nobody knows or cares that I can save them all. I need to find some way to convince or force or brainwash my family and friends into suicide, whatever it takes. Feeling like a missionary and everyone is rejecting my message and it's unbearable and I can't stop thinking about it.

Is 'catch the bus' a dogwhistle? Maybe I can find myself an ally or two.
You're saving no one, and you're delusional. You've discovered no profound truths. You can save no one, except by separating yourself from them. You're much, much dumber than you think you are, a classic Dunning Kruger example. Leave them alone, they're benefitting nothing from you, and you're feeding off them. These are all objective facts, immune to your experiences and opinions.
 
pseudo_pseu

pseudo_pseu

Member
Feb 22, 2023
60
You're saving no one, and you're delusional. You've discovered no profound truths. You can save no one, except by separating yourself from them. You're much, much dumber than you think you are, a classic Dunning Kruger example. Leave them alone, they're benefitting nothing from you, and you're feeding off them. These are all objective facts, immune to your experiences and opinions.
I'm not trying to present myself intelligent and I don't care if people think I'm a profound genius or an delusional idiot (though the former would be more ideal XD).
I just want to help people.
People may retort back that they would rather suffer for several decades and then die, possibly very painfully and slowly. Nevertheless I cannot in good conscience just leave them be, unless I am sure that they are utterly beyond saving.

Also, what on earth do you get out of name-calling and mocking me? You're never going to crush my spirit if that's your goal.
 
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pseudo_pseu

pseudo_pseu

Member
Feb 22, 2023
60
Honestly would love to chat with you hahaha! Although if it was dark and you had a knife I'd probably try to control your hands towards your throat as soon as I saw you :pfff:

So what makes you want any of your friends to die with you? Just can't follow through with your beliefs without the comfort of dragging a friend down with you? Make you feel like you're not making a mistake because you only have the conviction while you're drunk? Or too scared to die alone?

Oh and if you feel like replying to me, pick that knife back up. :happy:
:kiss:
  • I'm too much of a coward to kill myself by myself
  • No issue with dying alone
  • Only had the confidence while drunk to say how I felt
  • Honestly I should probably stop with the alcohol before I get into some actual serious trouble, because it has a comically outlandish effect on my behaviour :|
  • Many people I know have hinted at being suicidal, some have outright stated it
  • Some more subtle, like saying they want control back of their lives, or fear of the future, or mentioning that they hope that their death is fast
  • As well it being a mutual benefit, I believe that I am doing a good deed by helping someone else to die
  • Small scale goal is to get one person on board without them reporting me to someone
  • More ambitious would be to save as many people as I possibly can before dying
 
Aisley

Aisley

Specialist
Mar 12, 2023
335
I'm not trying to present myself intelligent and I don't care if people think I'm a profound genius or an delusional idiot (though the former would be more ideal XD).
I just want to help people.
People may retort back that they would rather suffer for several decades and then die, possibly very painfully and slowly. Nevertheless I cannot in good conscience just leave them be, unless I am sure that they are utterly beyond saving.

Also, what on earth do you get out of name-calling and mocking me? You're never going to crush my spirit if that's your goal.
Name calling? Mocking?! I say these same 6 sentences to myself every morning. I'm just trying to help you. :-) Let me help you.

There is no pure act. Everything, the most altruistic-seeming motive will always be shallow and self serving at its heart. And being hammed out of your mind won't stand up as a defence in court.
Right now you're just that one guy who takes it too far everytime and ruins everyone's buzz. But what if you ever figure out how to mix the right drug into your drinking time? Everyone in the room will be fucked, that's what. Get a hold of yourself, man, there's a long way to go, yet.
 
pseudo_pseu

pseudo_pseu

Member
Feb 22, 2023
60
Name calling? Mocking?! I say these same 6 sentences to myself every morning. I'm just trying to help you. :-) Let me help you.

There is no pure act. Everything, the most altruistic-seeming motive will always be shallow and self serving at its heart. And being hammed out of your mind won't stand up as a defence in court.
Right now you're just that one guy who takes it too far everytime and ruins everyone's buzz. But what if you ever figure out how to mix the right drug into your drinking time? Everyone in the room will be fucked, that's what. Get a hold of yourself, man, there's a long way to go, yet.
Okay sorry for misinterpreting. Probably would've ruined my day if I was super self-conscious about my intelligence :D

Not worried about the court thing because I'll be dead too. Chosen people so far that are very unlikely to report me.

One detail I realise I left out is that I'm not really drunk when other people are drunk. Not sure if that makes it better or worse! Encounters in these cases have been a result of drinking alone and getting confident then confronting others.

You are correct though - I'm looking for a ctb partner or an ally so the basic goal of finding one person is primarily selfishly driven. I would maybe consider that if I put in the effort to bring more people, that's altruistic.

Anyway, since I'm moving out I may never see most of the people I currently know again, adding to confidence in casually derailing friendships.

Now moving onto the more out-there goal of creating a tulpa to be my suicide wingman, because I've almost run out of people to try and convince (who I know won't report me to anyone).

See:
  • I'm too much of a coward to kill myself by myself
  • No issue with dying alone
  • Only had the confidence while drunk to say how I felt
  • Honestly I should probably stop with the alcohol before I get into some actual serious trouble, because it has a comically outlandish effect on my behaviour :|
  • Many people I know have hinted at being suicidal, some have outright stated it
  • Some more subtle, like saying they want control back of their lives, or fear of the future, or mentioning that they hope that their death is fast
  • As well it being a mutual benefit, I believe that I am doing a good deed by helping someone else to die
  • Small scale goal is to get one person on board without them reporting me to someone
  • More ambitious would be to save as many people as I possibly can before dying
 
T

Twistedliesinside

Member
Apr 20, 2023
82
  • I'm too much of a coward to kill myself by myself
  • No issue with dying alone
  • Only had the confidence while drunk to say how I felt
  • Honestly I should probably stop with the alcohol before I get into some actual serious trouble, because it has a comically outlandish effect on my behaviour :|
  • Many people I know have hinted at being suicidal, some have outright stated it
  • Some more subtle, like saying they want control back of their lives, or fear of the future, or mentioning that they hope that their death is fast
  • As well it being a mutual benefit, I believe that I am doing a good deed by helping someone else to die
  • Small scale goal is to get one person on board without them reporting me to someone
  • More ambitious would be to save as many people as I possibly can before dying
Those top two contradict themselves. If you're too much of a coward to kill yourself by yourself then that is your issue with dying alone. You would be taking away their ability to get back control over their lives if you take control for them. This is about your control over your life and an excuse to feel you did a good deed.

I'm curious, are you currently diagnosed with any conditions and are you taking medication or taking no medication? Also is alcohol the only thing you take recreationally?

Maybe you're just making all of this up for attention?
 
alyayoun

alyayoun

your worst nightmare
Apr 30, 2023
9
They're all such great people. I need them to die more than anything in the world, more than even myself. I don't know what to do other than try and convince them to come with me when I kill myself. All of the people I talked to hinted at some point or another about wanting to take back control of their lives, scared of painful ways of dying, etc. and I can save them from their fates, you know? Just need to make people come to terms with the fact that in their heart of hearts they want suicide, but propaganda has fried it out of us.

Seems nobody knows or cares that I can save them all. I need to find some way to convince or force or brainwash my family and friends into suicide, whatever it takes. Feeling like a missionary and everyone is rejecting my message and it's unbearable and I can't stop thinking about it.

Is 'catch the bus' a dogwhistle? Maybe I can find myself an ally or two.
No, you're not a missionary, you're a delusional human being who is projecting their own fear of life onto other people who clearly want to live. You're not going to save anyone by telling them to kill themselves, and be sure that you will never convince anyone to die, your friends probably talk shit about you because you've been telling them they'll be saved if they commit suicide.
Most people aren't suicidal, and many suicidal people want to find a reason to live, so no one will listen to you, and you're not special because you want to die, you're actually disgusting and dangerous and i would not let anyone i care about near you.
When people say they want to die, it's because of valid reasons, not because "life is pointless and death is salvation", people might want to die because of terrible disabilities or illnesses, deformities, financial struggle, loneliness ect, and they surely wouldn't go around talking to their friends about how they should commit together, since, you know, they are scared, and they envy people who have a life that's worth living, they don't want to waste it.
At this point i'm even wondering if you're actually suicidal or just seeking attention, maybe you're even a troll, regardless, stop telling people that death is salvation and seek professional help or die before wasting someone's life that was worth living.
 
pseudo_pseu

pseudo_pseu

Member
Feb 22, 2023
60
Those top two contradict themselves. If you're too much of a coward to kill yourself by yourself then that is your issue with dying alone. You would be taking away their ability to get back control over their lives if you take control for them. This is about your control over your life and an excuse to feel you did a good deed.

I'm curious, are you currently diagnosed with any conditions and are you taking medication or taking no medication? Also is alcohol the only thing you take recreationally?

Maybe you're just making all of this up for attention?
I don't think top 2 contradict, but maybe I misunderstand the dying alone thing. I mean that don't some people want to be with others when they die? Whereas point 1 only means that I need someone else, or something else, for the confidence boost to actually go ahead. I guess that 'thing' could be anything, like chronic pain or disaster in life.
I am not mentally ill, no medication, just recreational.
Those top two contradict themselves. If you're too much of a coward to kill yourself by yourself then that is your issue with dying alone. You would be taking away their ability to get back control over their lives if you take control for them. This is about your control over your life and an excuse to feel you did a good deed.

I'm curious, are you currently diagnosed with any conditions and are you taking medication or taking no medication? Also is alcohol the only thing you take recreationally?

Maybe you're just making all of this up for attention?

No, you're not a missionary, you're a delusional human being who is projecting their own fear of life onto other people who clearly want to live. You're not going to save anyone by telling them to kill themselves, and be sure that you will never convince anyone to die, your friends probably talk shit about you because you've been telling them they'll be saved if they commit suicide.
Most people aren't suicidal, and many suicidal people want to find a reason to live, so no one will listen to you, and you're not special because you want to die, you're actually disgusting and dangerous and i would not let anyone i care about near you.
When people say they want to die, it's because of valid reasons, not because "life is pointless and death is salvation", people might want to die because of terrible disabilities or illnesses, deformities, financial struggle, loneliness ect, and they surely wouldn't go around talking to their friends about how they should commit together, since, you know, they are scared, and they envy people who have a life that's worth living, they don't want to waste it.
At this point i'm even wondering if you're actually suicidal or just seeking attention, maybe you're even a troll, regardless, stop telling people that death is salvation and seek professional help or die before wasting someone's life that was worth living.

Damn it damn it damn it why would you say I'm making this up for attention? I'm not I just need one single person who sees eye-to-eye with me and I thought that this website would be the place to go. I'm not a trolll and I love this community. It's great and wonderful and i love you all lots.

Nevertheless I see that this thread is a lost cause and our views area so far apart Id don't think there's a chance of convincing. Finally bringing out the mental health card shows that I have made no impact here so I won't persist
 
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