Venting Getting addicted to the forum

[SanguineShark]

I find myself coming here more and more often, I can see I'm not very mentally stable atm.. It's just that, only people here truly understand how it feels to be suicidal, I wouldn't be able to vent so heavily to my friends, but I can do it here.. I'm getting a bit unstable and what adds is that my current psychologist turns out to be unprofessional and idk what to do. She does kinda help, but I'm worried she might make more weird comments.. she told me my mindset annoys here like 2 times at this point, I have BPD, what do you expect my mental process to look like??? Idk what the fuck to do with my life at this point and I cannot even think about it right now, everything is so cloudy it's hard to think at all.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

Many people are probably Internet addicts. You can become addicted to almost anything.

 

[username8888]

I find myself coming here more and more often, I can see I'm not very mentally stable atm.. It's just that, only people here truly understand how it feels to be suicidal, I wouldn't be able to vent so heavily to my friends, but I can do it here.. I'm getting a bit unstable and what adds is that my current psychologist turns out to be unprofessional and idk what to do. She does kinda help, but I'm worried she might make more weird comments.. she told me my mindset annoys here like 2 times at this point, I have BPD, what do you expect my mental process to look like??? Idk what the fuck to do with my life at this point and I cannot even think about it right now, everything is so cloudy it's hard to think at all.

Breathing is also addictive that doesn't mean it is a bad thing.

Many people are probably Internet addicts. You can become addicted to almost anything.

Addiction is not a problem as long as it doesn't block your way of painless death.

 

[SanguineShark]

Many people are probably Internet addicts. You can become addicted to almost anything.

I am indeed one, internet was my safe place since I was a kid and was getting bullied in school

Breathing is also addictive that doesn't mean it is a bad thing.

Addiction is not a problem as long as it doesn't block your way of painless death.

Yeah I know but like, it feels weird for me to be coming here more often, as I'd usually just come here during worst moments.. I may be in one of those worst moments right now as well without realizing though

 

[username8888]

I am indeed one, internet was my safe place since I was a kid and was getting bullied in school

Bullying sucks. I was mildly bullied in a full male school. It was tough.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I agree 100%. We all obviously do. Like what exactly is "Mental Health Awareness Month" anyways? What is everyone supposed to have a heightened "awareness" of for 30 days? The fact that 1-800-273-8255 is completely useless and staffed with morons that have no business talking to suicidal people? The fact that most psych wards are nothing more than slummy, run down prisons for people that didn't do anything wrong and don't belong in prison? The fact that the goverrnment is doing essentially nothing to crack down on the corrupt people of society that are making life fo most people completely intolerable and unlivable? It's so vomit-inducing to see #mentalawareness hashtagged all over social media by fake people and celebrities.

 

[username8888]

"Mental Health Awareness Month" anyways?

Which country has this weird month thing?

It's so vomit-inducing to see #mentalawareness hashtagged all over social media by fake people and celebrities.

You are %100 correct. That's the reason I stopped using social media altogether.

 

[SanguineShark]

I agree 100%. We all obviously do. Like what exactly is "Mental Health Awareness Month" anyways? What is everyone supposed to have a heightened "awareness" of for 30 days? The fact that 1-800-273-8255 is completely useless and staffed with morons that have no business talking to suicidal people? The fact that most psych wards are nothing more than slummy, run down prisons for people that didn't do anything wrong and don't belong in prison? The fact that the goverrnment is doing essentially nothing to crack down on the corrupt people of society that are making life fo most people completely intolerable and unlivable? It's so vomit-inducing to see #mentalawareness hashtagged all over social media by fake people and celebrities.

Yep. And suicide is still an extremely taboo topic to bring up, like I only mentioned my suicide plan once to my best friends AFTER I checked into a psych ward. And it was still awkward and tense af. And it didn't make me feel like I can ever bring that topic again :')
If best friends can be like this, then I can't even image how fake all shitty celebrities can be.

Bullying sucks. I was mildly bullied in a full male school. It was tough.

Yep. I was bullied because I'm autistic, so I was socially awkward.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Which country has this weird month thing?

You are %100 correct. That's the reason I stopped using social media altogether.

USA. Shocker, huh?

 

[Blue Elephant]

I find myself coming here more and more often, I can see I'm not very mentally stable atm.. It's just that, only people here truly understand how it feels to be suicidal, I wouldn't be able to vent so heavily to my friends, but I can do it here.. I'm getting a bit unstable and what adds is that my current psychologist turns out to be unprofessional and idk what to do. She does kinda help, but I'm worried she might make more weird comments.. she told me my mindset annoys here like 2 times at this point, I have BPD, what do you expect my mental process to look like??? Idk what the fuck to do with my life at this point and I cannot even think about it right now, everything is so cloudy it's hard to think at all.

I recently learned what BPD is when I joined this forum and I would never be mean to a person who suffers from it. What is wrong with these people!? Did her parents drop her on the head when she was born!? And mind you she's a "professional". Uuugh!

Anyway, I don't think it's a bad thing if you come here when you feel like chatting with someone. In my opinion people here are more caring and more understanding then pretty much anyone out there. So I think you're in a safe place, a good place.

I think you can spend as long as you want to here if it brings you peace.

 

[SanguineShark]

I recently learned what BPD is when I joined this forum and I would never be mean to a person who suffers from it. What is wrong with these people!? Did her parents drop her on the head when she was born!? And mind you she's a "professional". Uuugh!

Sadly there's a TON of stigma regarding BPD. People think that borderlines are violent, abusive and horrible people... which is a very crude and apathetic view of us. Everyone on this planet can be an abuser, you don't need a disorder for that. People with BPD are usually severely traumatized humans, who are filled with fear 24/7, and act according to their trauma reactions. I'm an extremely empathetic person, I feel emotions wayy stronger than someone without borderline, I'm full of love for others, but also full of emotional pain and suffering. BPD has been described as one of the most painful mental disorders, which I think is true. I'm usually very cheerful, I can be happy, I can even see the meaning of life sometimes, but all it takes is a tiny trigger and I instantly become suicidal. I have been suicidal since I was a teen, but it does come in waves, I still do manage to be ok sometimes. But how can I exist on this planet if a one small trigger manages to make me start planning suicide? Because my emotions are so strong they're extremely painful, it's hell, it's suffering without my control. I know therapy can teach me healthy coping skills, but it won't cure me.

Anyway, I don't think it's a bad thing if you come here when you feel like chatting with someone. In my opinion people here are more caring and more understanding then pretty much anyone out there. So I think you're in a safe place, a good place.

I think you can spend as long as you want to here if it brings you peace.

I guess I'm sometimes worried I might make my state worse by triggering myself further, I tend to do that a lot. When I'm sad I start watching suicide related things on purpose to make myself cry.

 

[Aim]

This site is the only thing that is giving some comfort these days! So yess very much so! Very greatful for that, and for you guys!
This site is the only thing that is giving some comfort these days! So yess very much so! Very greatful for that, and for you guys!

 

[iDontKnowWhat]

This site is the only thing that is giving some comfort these days! So yess very much so! Very greatful for that, and for you guys!
This site is the only thing that is giving some comfort these days! So yess very much so! Very greatful for that, and for you guys!

Same

 

[Blue Elephant]

Sadly there's a TON of stigma regarding BPD. People think that borderlines are violent, abusive and horrible people... which is a very crude and apathetic view of us. Everyone on this planet can be an abuser, you don't need a disorder for that. People with BPD are usually severely traumatized humans, who are filled with fear 24/7, and act according to their trauma reactions. I'm an extremely empathetic person, I feel emotions wayy stronger than someone without borderline, I'm full of love for others, but also full of emotional pain and suffering. BPD has been described as one of the most painful mental disorders, which I think is true. I'm usually very cheerful, I can be happy, I can even see the meaning of life sometimes, but all it takes is a tiny trigger and I instantly become suicidal. I have been suicidal since I was a teen, but it does come in waves, I still do manage to be ok sometimes. But how can I exist on this planet if a one small trigger manages to make me start planning suicide? Because my emotions are so strong they're extremely painful, it's hell, it's suffering without my control. I know therapy can teach me healthy coping skills, but it won't cure me.

I'm sorry about that. I think most people are hypocrites, quick to point fingers at others but never looking in the mirror and never putting themselves in another person's shoes to see how it feels like.

BPD .. there, we labeled it! But what did we label actually? You know, I do feel emotions stronger, I cry many times, I enjoy very simple things in life, I love (stronger) then most people do and I also hate (stronger) then most people do. I don't feel very different then you but I do feel different then most people out there. And yet I don't have BPD. I can imagine that your emotions are probably even stronger then mine just as mine are stronger then most people's.

I don't know where I'm trying to get with this .. I think maybe all these labels are pissing me off, all this pushing certain people into corners. I don't even care about most of the world, I just want to be left alone and I can't even get that. I can only imagine how it is for you.

I guess I'm sometimes worried I might make my state worse by triggering myself further, I tend to do that a lot. When I'm sad I start watching suicide related things on purpose to make myself cry.

When I'm sad I'm listening to something like this:

 

[SanguineShark]

BPD .. there, we labeled it! But what did we label actually? You know, I do feel emotions stronger, I cry many times, I enjoy very simple things in life, I love (stronger) then most people do and I also hate (stronger) then most people do. I don't feel very different then you but I do feel different then most people out there. And yet I don't have BPD. I can imagine that your emotions are probably even stronger then mine just as mine are stronger then most people's.

I don't know where I'm trying to get with this .. I think maybe all these labels are pissing me off, all this pushing certain people into corners. I don't even care about most of the world, I just want to be left alone and I can't even get that. I can only imagine how it is for you.

I'm not against labels, BPD is just a name for my personality disorder that was caused by severe childhood trauma. And I understand, it's nice that you can empathize with me, but sadly there's much more to BPD than just the heightened emotionality. It's hard to know how it's like to have it without actually having it, it's complex. I think it wouldn't be as hard to live with labels if not for other people who judge others without getting to know them better, but people see a label and assume a bunch of nasty shit about others.

 

[Cress]

I take several day breaks from visiting this form but I keep coming back. It seems like when I leave for a while and come back the window to talk to some people closes forever and that's kind of been messing with me as of late But I understand attachment is not a very good thing. Letting go is the inevitable thing for all of us as nothing Will last forever.
I'm happy that you're able to get some level of comfort out of this place.

I still work with mental health professionals as well Even though it's extremely difficult to make any sort of progress with them. A lot of these organizations have a very hard time holding on to any sort of significant talent. Even the people that are good at their job that I was lucky enough to find I won't have access to them for very long. I'll be losing access to my therapist on Monday and I'm dreading it. They were the best therapists that I've ever had and I will not ever receive a better one

 

[Engström]

I find myself coming here more and more often, I can see I'm not very mentally stable atm.. It's just that, only people here truly understand how it feels to be suicidal, I wouldn't be able to vent so heavily to my friends, but I can do it here.. I'm getting a bit unstable and what adds is that my current psychologist turns out to be unprofessional and idk what to do. She does kinda help, but I'm worried she might make more weird comments.. she told me my mindset annoys here like 2 times at this point, I have BPD, what do you expect my mental process to look like??? Idk what the fuck to do with my life at this point and I cannot even think about it right now, everything is so cloudy it's hard to think at all.

I've definitely taken breaks at times, for sure. I think of it as 'outdoors' time when I'm inpatient.

 

[steppenwolf]

I'm not against labels, BPD is just a name for my personality disorder that was caused by severe childhood trauma. And I understand, it's nice that you can empathize with me, but sadly there's much more to BPD than just the heightened emotionality. It's hard to know how it's like to have it without actually having it, it's complex. I think it wouldn't be as hard to live with labels if not for other people who judge others without getting to know them better, but people see a label and assume a bunch of nasty shit about others.

BPD is just the new label that highly-paid elite psychiatrists have bestowed upon people, simply for being unhappy with the compromises demanded of them by living in a capitalist social system. It compensates such people for those compromises by indulging their ego with a fashionable psychiatric disorder they can show off about to their so-called friends. Nothing to do with childhood trauma. Lots of people have 'severe childhood trauma'. Their houses get flattened and their families get killed by air attacks, tanks roll into their towns and villages and soldiers start shooting everything up, just because somebody on the other side of the sea wanted to fill up the jet aeroplane and fly their kids to Disneyland or something. But I don't see any of them here complaining that it's given them BPD.

 

[SanguineShark]

BPD is just the new label that highly-paid elite psychiatrists have bestowed upon people, simply for being unhappy with the compromises demanded of them by living in a capitalist social system. It compensates such people for those compromises by indulging their ego with a fashionable psychiatric disorder they can show off about to their so-called friends. Nothing to do with childhood trauma. Lots of people have 'severe childhood trauma'. Their houses get flattened and their families get killed by air attacks, tanks roll into their towns and villages and soldiers start shooting everything up, just because somebody on the other side of the sea wanted to fill up the jet aeroplane and fly their kids to Disneyland or something. But I don't see any of them here complaining that it's given them BPD.

That's not what BPD is at all... You clearly don't know nothing about the disorder, and you saying this stuff is quite insulting. My struggles are a real thing, not some fake label sold to me. And having a name for one of the biggest struggles of my life gives me space for both finding a community of people with fellow struggles, having an ability to explain my struggles to other people by directly naming them, and also ability try and focus on specific types of therapy that might help me best. As well as multiple other things. Please don't say things like this to me, existence is already hard enough without people questioning my diagnosis and simplifying my issues.