get me out of this evil existence

[kunikuzushi]

i keep saying all i want is one more day of happiness
i keep pushing it
i know i need to die now
im so scared

i keep saying "just one more day"
i want to feel that overwhelming euphoria one more time
but i keep pushing it

i need to die very soon
i need to be serious about it like i was last year

I'm distracted by pleasure when i know the truth is i need to end this pain once and for all

 

[LostHighway]

i keep saying all i want is one more day of happiness
i keep pushing it
i know i need to die now
im so scared

i keep saying "just one more day"
i want to feel that overwhelming euphoria one more time
but i keep pushing it

i need to die very soon
i need to be serious about it like i was last year

I'm distracted by pleasure when i know the truth is i need to end this pain once and for all

I'm so sorry you're suffering. What you wrote could be a poem or song lyrics.
Many people stay alive by being distracted by pleasure. The key is finding fulfillment. Look up Ikigai. If you're not old and are relatively healthy, see if you can follow those as a way of finding moments of euphoria.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I'm so sorry you're suffering. What you wrote could be a poem or song lyrics.
Many people stay alive by being distracted by pleasure. The key is finding fulfillment. Look up Ikigai. If you're not old and are relatively healthy, see if you can follow those as a way of finding moments of euphoria.

ikigai sounds amazing in theory. for someone who has suffered so much trauma, i don't have the ability to be interested in anything. i don't desire to help the world. and i can't work.

all i desire is to love and be loved. but I'm unlovable to the core.

the pleasure i mentioned is from delusional love, more like an obsession. and it comes with such unbearable pain.

thank you for your input.

 

[LostHighway]

ikigai sounds amazing in theory. for someone who has suffered so much trauma, i don't have the ability to be interested in anything. i don't desire to help the world. and i can't work.

all i desire is to love and be loved. but I'm unlovable to the core.

the pleasure i mentioned is from delusional love, more like an obsession. and it comes with such unbearable pain.

thank you for your input.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you can find a healthy love with an emotionally healthy person. It sounds like you're experiencing limerence. Not a happy mental place to be.