I Me & Myself
scared of change
- Sep 9, 2025
- 41
I've been in a psychiatry for a month now. It's ass, and they don't know what my problem is either. But honestly this is my first time actually doing therapy and actually trying medication and getting to the bottom of it. Maybe the suicidal thoughts are chronic, maybe not. We'll figure it out.
I love Puzzles, and there's not much to do here. Usually I do them on my room; but another patient started a Puzzle in the dayroom. It's a rather difficult one with lots of pure black, a blue sky and pure red. 1000 pieces.
I couldn't help myself and sorted all the pieces. Original puzzler noticed and invited me and everyone to join the puzzle! She said she was super happy to see others took a liking to it too.
I've started doing all the pure black parts; it's lots of fun. BUT I leave the edges of these black parts unsolved.
Now. People who usually won't Puzzle see these "easy parts". Pre sorted pieces, essentially just puzzling a line along an already solved part. And they jump in on it.
They all join me in puzzling. Mostly in silence. It's very, very nice.
A man who rambles all day long and paces the halls sat next to me in silence for 30 minutes and solved a small part.
A woman who can't even solve Puzzles anymore (she just jams pieces in the wrong places, we let her) sits there and watches. Talks about all the Puzzles she solved at home.
One guy sits down and draws the puzzle, many just watch or sit down nearby to Chat in a comfortable Volume.
Usually it's too loud or overwhelming for me. But this is incredibly nice and I find myself enjoying these conversations or even learning something new about me. And if it's too much, I put on my noise cancelling headphones and solve another black part.
Me and the patient who started the puzzle joy baited all other people in this ward. We're having a good time.
I still tried to kill myself yesterday and have tried countless times in here. It's an ambivalence inside me I don't quite understand and it eats me up. But it's quiet when I Puzzle with people who can relate.
:)
