Genuine question (pls don't make fun)

[Meteora]

Why do guy says things to women like "oh, I see, you don't need sugar (for your coffee), you re sweet enough".

Such comments make me very insecure and I feel like they don't take me seriously, think I m not worth much, easy to manipulate.

Can anybody say what they think?
Thank you.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I've had women say that to me (I don't take sugar) when serving tea.

Why does that make you feel insecure, etc?

I tried referring to google, reddit and ChatGpt for answers.
Reddit: some people refer to themselves e.g. "No thanks, I'm sweet enough."
also from reddit: "No thanks, I'm too bitter for it to make a difference."

Chatgpt:
It's culturally a British interaction, can be English-speaking too.
Also from chatgpt: It's supposed to be benign and an ice-breaker. As to why it might make you feel those things, seems like because it's superficial instead of meaningful conversation. It could feel patronizing or like unwanted attention too.

 

[psp3000]

Such comments make me very insecure and I feel like they don't take me seriously, think I m not worth much, easy to manipulate.

I can understand this post since I don't really understand how to interpret comments like that either (from both men and women) or can tell if a person is being nice to me/complimenting me or flirting, because I am 100% not interested in anyone

usually after they realize I am either uncomfortable or haven't responded or given any kind of reaction many times to comments like those
they stop doing that or move on to the next person if they just have a flirty personality and are like that with everyone which is the type of person I assume you're referring to with the "Such comments make me very insecure and I feel like they don't take me seriously, think I'm not worth much, easy to manipulate."

I guess it depends on personality and context

 

[Mirrory Me]

Something sweet that tastes bitter.

 

[Meteora]

usually after they realize I am either uncomfortable or haThatven't responded or given any kind of reaction many times to comments like those
they stop doing that or move on to the next person if they just have a flirty personality and are like that with everyone which is the type of person I assume you're referring to with the "Such comments make me very insecure and I feel like they don't take me seriously, think I'm not worth much, easy to manipulate."

I guess it depends on personality and context

That's great, not to react. I m stupid enough to smile like a silly girl .
That guy from today.... I don't even know him really. He s a waiter in a restaurant. I ve seen him once before. Besides, he's much younger than me.... But I know how to react now. Or I could say, "you could be wrong" .
It happens to me now and then and I don't want to be that sweet, silly girl!

Something sweet that tastes bitter.

Wdym?

 

[psp3000]

That guy from today.... I don't even know him really. He s a waiter in a restaurant. I ve seen him once before.

ah okay !

now that I have context in this situation I would most likely just do a regular smile (I am bad at social stuff so all of this is acting/a quiz to me if I am out) because I would interpret this as small talk/regular customer service stuff and nothing more (I assume you probably overthink very small social interactions/every social interaction like I do)

although I hate small talk personally it depends on the person I guess

nothing wrong with genuinely smiling at a compliment even if it's attempt at small talk or in order to be hospitable/to be a good employee !

the other option is always to say "You too!" on accident haha

 

[Linda]

Why do guy says things to women like "oh, I see, you don't need sugar (for your coffee), you re sweet enough".

Such comments make me very insecure and I feel like they don't take me seriously, think I m not worth much, easy to manipulate.

Can anybody say what they think?
Thank you.

Comments like that are usually not spoken seriously, and your best response is not to take them seriously. In practical terms, that means just ignore them.

 

[Meteora]

now that I have context in this situation I would most likely just do a regular smile (I am bad at social stuff so all of this is acting/a quiz to me if I am out) because I would interpret this as small talk/regular customer service stuff and nothing more (I assume you probably overthink very small social interactions/every social interaction like I do)

although I hate small talk personally it depends on the person I guess

nothing wrong with genuinely smiling at a compliment even if it's attempt at small talk or in order to be hospitable/to be a good employee !

the other option is always to say "You too!" on accident haha

Hm I still find it a bit boundary crossing.....
Oh yes... I do overthink every small social interaction, very much so! I m deeply insecure, I guess.

HAHA.. yes you too. That's a good one. Like that video . You too is never wrong lol.

Comments like that are usually not spoken seriously, and your best response is not to take them seriously. In practical terms, that means just ignore them.

Ok, I understand. Have to learn to ignore.

If a close friend would say something like that I would ask what he/she means, of course.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Hm I still find it a bit boundary crossing.....

this ^

personally it doesnt matter if ive known you my whole life or, even worse, i just met you. why do people think a comment like this is even appropriate (although my guess is they dont think outside of their own bubble )

 

[Meteora]

personally it doesnt matter if ive known you my whole life or, even worse, i just met you. why do people think a comment like this is even appropriate (although my guess is they dont think outside of their own bubble )

Right! It's just a stupid comment.... what do you mean with "they don't think outside of their own bubble? That they think it is appropriate?

 

[Mirrory Me]

Wdym?

It's essentially some multifaceted metaphor... An english translator recently mentioned that when interpreting words one should smell and taste them.

 

[Life_and_Death]

what do you mean with "they don't think outside of their own bubble? That they think it is appropriate?

they dont think of others. they only think of themselves. all they think is "this comment" and they completely skip the critical thinking step where they think "is this appropriate? do they want to hear this?"

 

[Meteora]

It's essentially some multifaceted metaphor... An english translator recently mentioned that when interpreting words one should smell and taste them.

I still don t get it.

 

[Zazacosta]

Why do guy says things to women like "oh, I see, you don't need sugar (for your coffee), you re sweet enough".

Such comments make me very insecure and I feel like they don't take me seriously, think I m not worth much, easy to manipulate.

Can anybody say what they think?
Thank you.

My opinion:
Comments like this is probably only just a bad try to tell you a compliment. Maybe to how you look like or how you behave. Somebody just wants to be nice, or pretends to be nice.

Comments like that are usually not spoken seriously, and your best response is not to take them seriously. In practical terms, that means just ignore them.

THIS.

If you do not feel that person is talking seriously to you, just ignore him.

I guess it depends on personality and context

100% agree.

Also from chatgpt: It's supposed to be benign and an ice-breaker. As to why it might make you feel those things, seems like because it's superficial instead of meaningful conversation. It could feel patronizing or like unwanted attention too.

I also agree with this. Somebody wants to break the ice and starts the conversation, but do not know how.
What is also old-known bullshits to start the conversation are the typical questions like: "What is the time?" "It is nice weather today, isnt it?" or something like that....

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Can't speak for men, but my guess is that they just don't realize or think how it could be weird. I get comments like this too, as well as being called "cute / adorable / etc." in situations where it's not really appropriate / expected. I've come to realize that the overwhelming majority of the time, it's just someone trying to be nice (especially if they recognized you previously), maybe flirting but usually not.

I've learned to brush it off and force myself to assume the other person has good intentions unless I have a tangible reason to assume otherwise (they try inviting you somewhere after having just met, they continue pestering you, etc.)

I also worry about being seen as "ditzy", and I react by nervously smiling / laughing too when I'd rather tell someone to leave me alone. It's a nervous habit, built on the desire to defend your boundaries conflicting with the desire to fit in and not "making a fuss" or standing up for yourself, but ultimately resulting in just freezing and not knowing which choice to make in the middle of a conversation.

 

[Meteora]

It's essentially some multifaceted metaphor... An english translator recently mentioned that when interpreting words one should smell and taste them.

Ah now I understand, thank you.

Also from chatgpt: It's supposed to be benign and an ice-breaker. As to why it might make you feel those things, seems like because it's superficial instead of meaningful conversation. It could feel patronizing or like unwanted attention too.

Patronizing.... and not meaningful. That's why.

Comments like this is probably only just a bad try to tell you a compliment. Maybe to how you look like or how you behave. Somebody just wants to be nice, or pretends to be nice.

Yeah I appreciate that the person wanted to be nice.... that's alway positive of course, but too bad if it causes confusion in me.

I also worry about being seen as "ditzy", and I react by nervously smiling / laughing too when I'd rather tell someone to leave me alone. It's a nervous habit, built on the desire to defend your boundaries conflicting with the desire to fit in and not "making a fuss" or standing up for yourself, but ultimately resulting in just freezing and not knowing which choice to make in the middle of a conversation.

Nothing to add.... that's it.

 

[WearyWanderer]

Why do guy says things to women like "oh, I see, you don't need sugar (for your coffee), you re sweet enough".

Such comments make me very insecure and I feel like they don't take me seriously, think I m not worth much, easy to manipulate.

Can anybody say what they think?
Thank you.

These types of comments are definitely irritating and condescending. When they happen over and over throughout the day or week, the unsettling effects add up. I would call them sexist microaggressions- little comments here and there that show that men don't take other women as seriously as they take other men or that they see women as childlike and silly.

But just if you wanted a name for them, they're called microaggressions.

Unfortunately, there's no way to keep them from happening. :/ Yeah, it's extremely suffocating and frustrating to go through.

 

[whywere]

So many factors are involved.

1) Might be how they were raised. I always remember a clergy once telling me: "give him/her to me till they are 5 and they are mine in mentality for life".

2) Some men just are wired that way I feel. AS an example, I was raised that women belong in the kitchen and keeping the man of the house happy. Maybe that is a small reason why my "dad" hated me to his core, as I have always felt that we are ALL the same and a million minds make a whole, as far as everyone has something to contribute, NO huge egos please are my thoughts.

3) I hope, never in my lifetime at 68, but someday, whereas we evolve (hopefully) we learn to not only respect each other, like the old saying "would I like it done to me?" but also take into account of wasted opportunities, as when men and also women sometimes, it can work both ways, as a post I did a few days ago, where one time a gal would not go out with me unless she got sex on the date, talk about pressured and against my beliefs.

You brought up a very interesting angle/aspect of human nature that to me is just downright a negative, treat everyone the way you want to be treated period, enough said.

Have a great day everyone!

Walter

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I've never understood that either. Seems weird.

But then again I'm pretty socially awkward so what do I know

 

[Artemisia]

Oh, how wrong, wrong they are...

Do you know there seems to be a correlation between liking bitter tastes, like black coffee, and sadism and psychopathy? Of course it's not as simple as that, but there's an interesting study about that that you can discretely send their way! Pretty sure they'll stop harassing you in no time!

Some guys are like that, always trying to flirt and see how far they can go, not only with the flirt but also with how far you'll bend down for them. I don't really care for coffee and if I have to drink it it's more sugar than coffee, but I ever found myself in that situation I'd most definitely drop a very casual "Hmm, I don't know, there's this study linking liking bitter things and sadism..." Not for everyone, I know, but I'd definitely do it if they were being annoying.

The study.