Venting General thread for my vents about wanting to die

[FuneralCry]

Really feels like I've suffered in this existence for such a long time.
It truly does feel like I've suffered for so long and I'm so tired of it, I know I was never meant for something as cruel and torturous as existence and it terrifies me how the suffering can continue for so much longer.

To me simply just existing is so tiring and painful, I wish I could just fall asleep permanently and never suffer again but of course there's no straightforward way for me to just finally be at peace which is so horrible. I only wish for eternal nothingness to bring me permanent relief from this existence that just causes all this suffering, only death can take away the tiredness I feel. I just wish to rest, I just hope to sleep, under no circumstances would I ever wish to suffer here for decades longer in this existence that just brought me pain in the first place. In fact I wish I never suffered at all more than anything, I wish I just stayed permanently unaware, existence to me always felt like a mistake, I never should have been brought here, it truly does feel like I've existed for so long, I would had found peace awhile ago if I had the option to just fall asleep eternally.

 

[FuneralCry]

So tired of being trapped in this existence.
I truly am so tired of being trapped in this existence, it's just so terrible and cruel to me how existence causes all this endless suffering yet I cannot just have the option to just die in peace. All that could comfort me and bring me relief is to die painlessly but of course such is not the reality so instead I suffer in this painful and torturous existence just waiting to die anyway, I truly wish I never existed so then I wouldn't have to suffer.

There really is so much pain in existing, it's pain that only death can bring me peace from, in fact to me simply just existing is so painful, the fact that I'm trapped in this existence just causes me to suffer so much, I suffer from the fact that I exist and it terrifies me how the suffering can potentially continue for so long. I only hope to never suffer again, I just wish to rest, I just wish for some peace and for me there could never be such as long as I'm trapped in this existence.

 

[Rational man]

The pain of not having the option to die peacefully.
The fact that I cannot just have the option to die peacefully to escape from this cruel, torturous existence on my own terms just brings me so much pain, it's painful how I suffer in this existence I never would have chose in the first place without the option to just die in peace.
It's so terrifying how this existence can potentially continue for so long with no limit as to how unbearable the suffering can get yet there isn't the option of a straightforward way for me to just painlessly die so I can escape from all future unnecessary suffering in this existence I always saw as so undesirable.

For me personally I only wish for non-existence, I only hope to never suffer, I just don't wish to experience anything at all and see existence as a terrible tragic mistake, it'd be such a relief for me if I had a straightforward way to find true peace from this. I only wish for some peace, for me personally suicide would be suffering prevention in an existence where I'm just waiting around to die anyway and under no circumstances would I wish to be burdened with this existence for decades longer just to be tormented by old age and die anyway. In fact the thought of such is horrific to me, it terrifies me how a human can suffer for so long in this painful existence, I just wish I could fall asleep eternally and forget about it all.

Eventually, life does end for everyone and by degree, the suffering we experience I believe is part of human existence. I know you suffer greatly and in my case, I know my pain will end one day.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just wish to forget about this existence.
That is all I wish for, I just wish to fall asleep permanently and forget about this cruel, torturous and futile existence which just caused me so much pain, personally all that I find comfort in is never existing again, I just wish for some peace, I just wish to be at rest where nothing can harm me anymore.

I know that no matter what I was never meant to exist, I don't belong in this reality, rather I'm just meant for the true peace of eternal nothingness, for me having the ability to exist is a burden which I see as best forgotten about, I'd always prefer to forget about this existence, I don't wish to remember at all, rather all I wish is for this all to disappear. I only hope for nothingness as only then will I be unable to suffer and I don't want to suffer in any way, all I see as desirable is being unconscious for all eternity. I just wish and hope to never exist again especially as existing has brought me nothing but suffering, simply being awake is so painful to me and more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, I find it tragic how I had to suffer in this existence that was ultimately so pointless and unnecessary in the first place.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence is too cruel.
It really is such a cruel existence, I just find it so cruel how there's all this endless suffering and torment all for the sake of it, all I wish is a permanent escape from the cruelty and futility of existing as a human. To me existence truly is such a terrible burden that just caused nothing but harm and what terrifies me is how there is no limit as to how torturous this can get, it's so terrifying how this cruel existence could potentially continue for so long just causing way more suffering as a result, for me personally I'm just not meant to suffer in this existence that is so cruel.

I find it such a terrible tragedy to exist and the pain that I feel is one that only death can bring me peace from, I only wish for death to bring me relief from the torment of existing in this reality that is so immensely cruel. I'd be so relieved to fall asleep eternally if it means I'd never suffer again and all will be forgotten about for me, I only wish for nothingness, to me existence truly is nothing but suffering and I don't wish to suffer in any way, instead I just want some peace.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Hope you fall asleep soon FC and find a temporary relief from your suffering <3

 

[FuneralCry]

Another day of wishing for dreamless, eternal sleep.
I'm always and only wishing to sleep permanently, for me only eternal sleep can bring me true peace from this existence that just causes all this suffering. Simply just being awake is so tiring to me yet so painful, I wish I could just fall asleep eternally and forget about the terrible pain of existing.

All I wish for is to be unconscious for all eternity with all forgotten about but of course I just continue to suffer instead in this existence I was never meant for, never would have chosen and just brought me nothing but suffering, all I can do now is hope to sleep. I only hope to never exist again, existence truly is so cruel and there's so much cruelty in how I cannot just have a death like never waking again to finally bring me peace, more than anything I wish I never suffered at all, it's painful how I had to suffer in this existence, death truly is the only comfort for me, in fact ever since I became aware of what death was it comforted me, I only hope for nothingness.

 

[FuneralCry]

Death as a relief.
For me personally death truly would be the only relief, I'd be relieved to die if it means I get to never suffer in this existence again with all forgotten about for me, all I see as desirable is being permanently unconscious with this cruel, painful and torturous existence that just caused all the suffering to no longer be my problem.

For me it'll always be something so terrible to be burdened with this existence just waiting to die anyway, simply just existing causes and brings me so much pain and I know I'm just not meant to suffer in this existence I found deeply undesirable in the first place. For me existence is the problem and only death can bring me peace and relief from this, in fact the only relief for me could ever lie in never existing again, I just hope to never exist and the fact that I cannot just easily die to permanently escape from the pain of existing truly is so cruel to me.

Personally I'd be relieved if I was able to just die in a painless way as for me there truly is no relief from suffering in existing, in fact I see existing as nothing but suffering and I'd never wish to exist, it terrifies me how one can exist for so long in this reality where there is no limit as to how much they can suffer just to be tormented by old age and die anyway, I just wish for death to bring me relief from the painful burden of existence that just causes so much pain all for the sake of it.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally suicide would be suffering prevention.
In an existence so cruel and painful, for me suicide truly would be suffering prevention, it'd save me from all future unnecessary suffering in an existence that only ever brought me so much pain in the first place. I personally would prefer to not suffer in any way and would prefer to spend less time suffering in this existence but of course I wish I never suffered at all, I wish I never became aware of this futile, torturous existence and I find it so terrible how I had to suffer in this existence that was always so unnecessary.

But now that I exist all I can do is wish for death, I wish for a painless way to cease existing to bring me peace from all the pain this existence so tragically causes, I know that as long as I exist I'll always suffer and it horrifies me how the suffering can continue for so long just for one to die in agony tortured by old age. I find it so terrifying how there is no limit as to how unbearable the pain of existing can get, I only hope for nothingness, I only wish to never exist again, I wish to die peacefully with all future suffering prevented in this existence that was always so undesirable.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me existence will always be something completely hopeless.
No matter what I'll always see existence as something so hopeless, all it does is just cause all this suffering and pain all for the sake of it until one dies anyway. Personally I find it so painful to suffer in this existence, it causes me so much pain how I cannot just easily find peace from this existence I always saw as so undesirable in the first place.

I'm so tired of suffering here and it fills me with dread to think of what lies ahead in this cruel, hopeless existence where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer, I personally find it so hopeless to suffer in this reality just waiting to die anyway, under no circumstances would I wish for the cruelty and futility of having the ability to exist. I see so much pain in existing as a conscious being, all I hope for is to fall asleep permanently and never suffer again, I just wish for eternal sleep to bring me peace from this hopeless existence which just caused me all this pain all for the sake of it, to me existence just feels like a terrible mistake, in my case the problem will always lie in existence itself, it's a problem that only death can bring me relief from.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just wishing for some peace.
All I wish for is to be at peace, in fact peace is all I've ever wished for, I'm always so tired of suffering in this cruel, painful existence and all that could bring me peace is to fall asleep permanently and forget about this existence. In my case I just want to rest, I never wish to experience anything ever again, simply just existing as a conscious being burdened with this existence brings me so much pain and it's pain that only death can bring me relief from, I wish for death to bring me peace from this existence that just causes all this suffering and harm, only nothingness could ever be desirable to me, it's so cruel and terrible how existence causes all this endless pain.

To simply fall asleep eternally would be such a relief for me as it would solve everything, what appeals to me about ceasing to exist is that there are no disadvantages to it and if I die then existence will no longer be my problem and I'll be at peace instead with all finally forgotten about, I only hope for non-existence as for me there is certainly no peace in this futile and torturous process of just waiting to die anyway.

 

[FuneralCry]

So cruel how death is a struggle.
To me it's so cruel how voluntary death is such a struggle, I find it so terrible and painful how I cannot just have the option to just easily die in peace with painless methods being so cruelly inaccessible instead and I find it so horrific how trying to die can potentially go wrong and lead to way worse torment as a result in this existence where there is already all this endless suffering and pain.

Personally I only hope and wish for non-existence, all that comforts me is never existing again, I just wish to be permanently unconscious which is why I suffer so much from being trapped in this existence, I fear what lies ahead, I fear way worse suffering, all I wish is to be at peace where I'm permanently safe from all suffering and harm. The way I see it there truly is no peace in this cruel, torturous existence where there's no acceptance towards the personal choice to die, to me there's so much cruelty in how I cannot just have the option to never wake again and free myself from all this suffering in this existence I never would have chose in the first place, it truly terrifies me how a human can exist for so long.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing truly does feel like nothing but suffering to me.
It really does and I'm so tired of suffering in this cruel, painful existence, in my case I suffer simply from existing and I know that the pain I feel is one that only death can bring me relief from, to me it'll always be so terrible and hopeless to exist. Having the ability to exist truly does just feel like a burden to me and I see no value in existing as a conscious being capable of suffering to unlimited amounts, it's so horrific to me how existence causes all this pain, it's so painful to me how existence brings all this suffering yet I cannot just have the option to easily die in peace to escape from all the torment, in my case I only hope to never suffer again.

 

[FuneralCry]

Pain of existing can continue for so long.
For me what is so terrifying is how the pain of existing can continue for so long, it terrifies me how one can suffer in this existence with no limit as to how unbearable the pain of existing can get yet there is no straightforward way to just painlessly die. To me existence truly is such a cruel, torturous burden that I would never have chose and I'm so tired of being trapped here, all I hope for and wish for is eternal nothingness where all is forgotten about for me.

I see existence as just being endless suffering and I already feel like I've suffered for so long now which is why it really terrifies me how the suffering can continue for much longer, I fear what lies ahead, to me it'll always be so dreadful to exist. Under no circumstances would I wish to be tormented by this existence for decades longer just to face the extreme agony of old age, instead I just want some peace, I wish for true peace from the terrible pain this existence causes. For me it'd be such a relief to simply be able to die in peace, I only wish for permanent nothingness where I cannot suffer or be harmed in any way, I personally see no value to suffering in this existence that was always so pointless in the first place, I just don't wish to experience anything at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it horrific the amount of suffering existence causes.
To me it really is so horrific how existence creates and causes all this suffering, I find it horrific how existing beings are tormented every second with no limit as to how much agony they can feel. The way I see it the existence of life truly was the most terrible tragic mistake that just caused harm and to me it serves no function but to torture existing beings in existences so futile until they die anyway. I personally only hope to never exist again, I find it so painful to exist, to me it'll always be so terrible and dreadful to exist and to me existence really is nothing but suffering, all of which was completely unnecessary in the first place.

For me existence truly is something to fear, I see existence itself as the problem I never would have chose, I fear existing in this reality and it terrifies me how one can suffer so unbearably for so long. It's terrifying how existing can even potentially get so torturous way beyond how anyone can imagine it to, the pain of existing really is so real and it's endless and of course this is a reason as to why I'd always prefer to not exist as only then will I be unable to suffer in any way and I'd never wish to suffer in this terrible, painful existence. I just want peace instead, I just wish for permanent non-existence where I cannot experience anything at all, it's just so incredibly cruel to me how I cannot have a death like never waking again even know existence causes all this pain and torment all for the sake of it.

 

[La Lorona]

I understand you completely I used to feel it for years, and I still feel it sometimes, like right now...

 

[FuneralCry]

Never waking would be a relief for me.
The only relief for me truly could ever lie in never waking again, I only hope to never wake and finally be free from this painful, cruel existence I never would have chose.
All that sounds ideal for me is sleeping for all eternity and to me that is true peace, it's peace that cannot exist for me as long as I'm burdened with the ability to exist.

For me existence just feels like a terrible mistake, it's something so dreadful to suffer in this reality especially as I feel so trapped here and I wake again, there's so much pain in how I cannot just fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep, to me it's so cruel how I cannot just easily die in peace as all I hope for is to rest. I only wish for nothingness, I'd be relieved to die if it means I get to never exist again, death truly is the only relief for me in an existence that just caused me to suffer and I'm so tired of suffering, as long as I exist I'll suffer.

 

[FuneralCry]

So much pain in suffering in this existence.
To me simply just existing is painful, there's so much pain in existing and it's pain that only death can take away and bring me peace from. I suffer simply from the fact that I exist and it terrifies me how there is no limit as to how unbearable the suffering this existence causes can get, in fact to me existing truly is nothing but suffering. What I find so cruel and terrible is how despite this I cannot just easily escape from the pain of existing on my own terms.

I wish for a death like never waking again to bring me peace from this cruel, torturous existence that brought me nothing but pain in the first place but of course such is so tragically not the reality so the suffering continues instead and no matter what I'll always be so tired of suffering. I find it painful to be burdened with this existence that can potentially continue for so long, I only hope and wish for eternal nothingness where there is no more pain for all eternity and I'm finally at peace from the burden of existence, I'd always prefer to not exist but more than anything I wish I never suffered at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just hoping for peace again.
I'm always just wishing for peace and I know that only death can bring me peace from this cruel, torturous existence I never would have chose that just causes all this pointless suffering all for the sake of it. I'm certainly so tired of suffering in this painful existence, I find it painful to simply exist, all I wish for is to fall asleep permanently and forget about this existence that just caused all this harm in the first place. All I see as desirable is being permanently unconscious where all is forgotten about and I cannot experience anything anymore, existence truly did cause me nothing but suffering and I'll always see it as so terrible to exist, I'm only meant to never exist again.

I'm not meant to suffer in this existence that I just saw as a terrible tragic mistake, In my case I simply just wish for nothingness, I only hope to never suffer and never experience anything again, I just wish to rest. I just want true peace which for me could never be found in something so undesirable and burdensome as existence rather peace for me could only ever exist in the permanent absence of all suffering and harm, the fact that I cannot just choose to fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep really is so painful.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence feels like an imposition.
To me existence truly does feel like an imposition, it's one that I never would have chose no matter what that only ever caused me to suffer and brought me so much pain. Personally I find it a torturous burden to be conscious and aware in this existence, I find it so burdensome to experience anything at all, to me existence truly is such a terrible tragedy that was of course ultimately responsible for all this endless suffering and the fact that my existence was imposed is very tragic to me.

What I have a problem with is existence itself and I suffer simply from the fact I exist, I'd never see any value to suffering in this pointless existence just waiting to die anyway, I see no value to the harm and cruelty this existence so tragically causes all for the sake of it.
Only death can bring me peace from this imposition, all I hope for is eternal nothingness where I'm finally free from the torment of being burdened with this existence, I see nothing desirable about the futility and cruelty of existing as a conscious being in this reality where there is all this senseless suffering, I find it so painful how I had to suffer in the first place.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally death truly is the only comfort.
For me no matter what the only comfort could ever lie in death as I believe it to simply be nothing and nothingness is all I wish for, all I hope for is to never suffer again. I know I was never meant for and never belonged in this cruel, torturous existence in the first place, all I'm meant for is the peace of an eternal sleep where there is no more suffering and no more pain.

To me it just sounds so peaceful to simply not exist, for me peace could only lie in never existing again where all is forgotten about for me with existence no longer being my problem, I'm just so tired of suffering yet the suffering continues and it terrifies me how I could potentially suffer for so long with no straightforward way for me to just painlessly die as I only hope to never exist again. I only hope to be unable to suffer, I just wish for some peace, the only relief for me could ever lie in sleeping for all eternity, only the peace of eternal sleep has ever been desirable to me, it comforts me to think of death taking away all my suffering so I can finally rest, in fact in an existence so cruel and painful the only comfort for me has ever been in death.

 

[FuneralCry]

Was never meant for existence.
I know that no matter what I was never meant for existence and I never should have suffered in the first place, it truly is so cruel and painful how I had to suffer at all, more than anything I wish I never existed. I don't belong in this existence that just causes all of this suffering all for the sake of it, to me existence truly was such a terrible burden, I see existence as nothing more than a futile process of just waiting to die and I'm so tired of waiting. I suffer so much from the fact I exist, simply existing causes me to suffer and it terrifies me how the suffering can continue for so long with no limit as to how much agony one can feel.

All that's ideal to me personally is never existing again, existence feels like a mistake to me and it's one I'd always prefer to be unaware of, I wish I could just fall asleep permanently and forget about this existence and all the endless cruelty, harm and torment it causes. It causes so much pain how I cannot just easily die in peace even know I was never meant to exist, existence truly is a burden that only death can bring me relief from.

 

[FuneralCry]

Trapped in this existence.
I always feel so tired of being trapped in this cruel existence I never would have chose in the first place that just brought me so much pain, it's so painful how existence causes all this endless suffering with no limit as to how much one can suffer yet I cannot just have the option to easily die in a painless way and instead I'm trapped in this existence. There's so much cruelty in how I cannot have a death like never waking again to free myself from the terrible torment of existing, under no circumstances would I wish to suffer for decades longer in this existence I always saw as so undesirable just to be tormented by old age and die anyway.

For me the thought of such is so terrifying, I'd never wish to suffer at all under any circumstance so I should be able to escape from all future unnecessary suffering on my own terms but of course such is not the reality even despite the fact that death is all that's inevitable anyway. All I wish for is death to bring me peace from the pain this existence so tragically causes, I'd never wish to be burdened with this existence no matter what, all I find comfort in is never existing again which is why I find it so dreadful to be trapped in this existence, I know that no matter what I'll always suffer as long as I exist, in fact to me existence is nothing but suffering, it's suffering that only death can take away for me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find existing deeply undesirable.
In my case no matter what I'll always find existing deeply undesirable, I find it a burden to have the ability to exist and it's a burden that has brought me nothing but pain and suffering. I personally don't see any point or value to experiencing anything at all and more than anything I wish I never did in the first place, to me existence is completely unnecessary. I find it so tragic how I had to exist especially as there was never a need for such at all, in my case I just wish for nothingness, I'd prefer to rest for all eternity rather than just waiting to die anyway in this deeply undesirable existence where there is no limit as to how much one can suffer.

I just don't see anything desirable about the cruelty and futility of existing in this reality, personally I just wish for peace instead, I'd always prefer true peace over pointless suffering and senseless torment, in my case I've always and only found comfort in death and seen existence as a problem that only ceasing to exist can solve for me. I just wish for the peace of death to take away the suffering that this undesirable existence has caused me, for me existence truly is nothing but suffering and I find it painful how I had to suffer in the first place, it'd be such a relief for me to never suffer again and be permanently free from this existence so undesirable.

 

[FuneralCry]

Just wishing to fall asleep again.
I'm always wishing to just fall asleep again, it's painful how the suffering continues and how I cannot just fall into an eternal, dreamless sleep where all can finally be forgotten about for me, I just wish for peace but sadly I suffer instead, to me there could never be any peace in this existence that is so incredibly cruel.

I'll always see it as so terrible to suffer in this existence, there really is so much pain in existing and that is certainly why I wish to just fall asleep for all eternity as only then will I be safe from all suffering and harm in this existence that I just saw as a terrible, tragic mistake in the first place. All I find comfort in is never existing again, to have a death like never waking again would be the only relief for me now as I know that as long as I exist I'll always suffer, my existence is nothing but suffering and it's suffering that only death can bring me peace from, I wish to fall asleep but I really wish I never existed at all, there's so much pain in how I had to suffer in this existence at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally I'd never wish to exist.
In my case I truly would never wish to exist, I'd never wish to be burdened with something so terrible and torturous as existence that just causes all of this suffering all for the sake of it but as well as that I find existing to be deeply undesirable in general and I see no point and value to it. I just wish for permanent nothingness instead where all is forgotten about for me and I cannot suffer in any way, I just don't wish to experience anything at all, I just want to rest instead, I wish for the peace of an eternal, dreamless sleep.

For me I truly wish I never suffered at all more than anything, I was never meant to suffer in this existence and I find it tragic how I had to suffer at all, there truly is so much pain in existing and I'd never wish for any of it. I just wish for death to take away all the terrible suffering this existence causes me to experience so finally I can be at peace, to me existing truly is so futile, it's the most futile process of slowly dying and waiting to die that I'll always be so tired of no matter what, it causes me so much pain how I cannot just easily die in peace even know I'd never wish for existence.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only finding comfort in death.
In my case I truly do only find comfort in death where I cannot suffer anymore and all is gone for me, existence is just too cruel, too painful and too torturous, I'd always prefer true peace to all this terrible suffering, to me simply just existing is a burden and it's one that brought me nothing but pain. Personally the only relief for me lies in never existing again, I only hope to never suffer again in this existence that to me was so undesirable in the first place, for me peace could only ever exist in death, peace to me could only ever lie in being permanently free from the torment of being trapped in this existence.

I just find it comforting to think of being permanently unconscious where I'm finally at peace from the cruelty and futility of existing as a human, I only wish to rest, I just wish for nothingness, in an existence that just causes all this pain with no limit as to how much one can be tormented death truly is the only comfort for me. I only see non-existence as desirable and would prefer to sleep eternally no matter what which is why it's so painful how I cannot just have the option of a death like never waking again, I've only ever wished to not exist.

 

[FuneralCry]

The pain this existence causes truly is endless.
Existence truly does just cause endless pain, it's why I'd always prefer to not exist at all as having the ability to exist truly is something so painful and it's so terrifying how there is no limit as to how unbearable the agony of existing can get.

All I hope for is to fall asleep permanently and forget about it all, I'm so tired of suffering in this cruel existence, to me existence was just a tragic mistake that caused all this harm all for the sake of it. I find it tragic how there's all this endless pain with existing beings tormented so extremely, I only wish to never suffer again but of course I wish I never suffered at all, existence is just too painful for me and I find it painful to simply exist. The pain I feel is such that only death can bring me peace from, I'd be relieved to die if it means I get to be unconscious for all eternity and never feel any pain again, I'm so tired of suffering in this painful existence, I'd never wish to exist in this reality where there is all this endless pain and suffering rather I only want to be at peace instead.

 

[FuneralCry]

Never wish to get old.
No matter what I'd never wish to get way older, in fact the the thought of such is horrific to me, it's horrific how the pain and torment of this pointless existence can continue for so long just to decay and face the agony of extreme old age. I'm so tired of suffering here and I feel like I've already suffered for so long now, in my case I only wish to never suffer again rather than prolong it for much longer, to me there's just so much cruelty in how I cannot just painlessly escape from this existence I never would have chose in the first place when I wish to.

To me existing truly is just pointless suffering all for the sake of it, I really wish there's acceptance towards not wanting to suffer especially as existing is so undesirable and painful and it's terrifying how there's no painless way for me to just be free from this existence that I'd never wish for. It really terrifies me how one can exist and suffer for so long, to me personally existence is just a terrible, cruel mistake and I wish I never suffered more than anything but sadly I do, I just wish to fall asleep eternally and escape from the burden of existence which I always saw as so torturous and hopeless in the first place and brought me nothing but pain, there truly is so much pain in existing.

 

[FuneralCry]

Only in death will the pain of existing go away for me.
I know that no matter what only death can take away the pain this cruel, dreadful existence causes for me, I only hope and wish for permanent non-existence where I cannot suffer any more, in fact death is truly all I've wished for. I really was never meant to suffer in this existence and I find it so painful how I did, there really is so much suffering in existing, in fact to me existing is nothing but suffering and I'll always suffer as long as I exist.

For me I suffer simply from being awake, it causes me pain how I'm burdened with this futile and hopeless existence I never would have chose in the first place, it's painful how this suffering can continue for so long with no straightforward way for me to just painlessly die. I'll always see existence as nothing but suffering and it's suffering that only death can take me away and bring me peace from, I just wish for the pain of existing to go away and for there to simply be nothingness for me instead but of course such is not the reality, at least not yet, my existence truly is just waiting around to die and I'm tired of waiting, simply just existing is so tiring to me.