Venting Gender?

[Vanity☆]

I've been questioning my gender for a while and just in general don't want anything.
Im Aromantic and Asexual
I want to not exist
No pronouns, no name, no nothing. I can't figure out where that self would go. I found out about Agender recently but im still on the fence about it. If I see myself as nothing. Then what am I?
Other people see me as Luka or Sol
I don't consider myself anything because I don't exactly consider myself human
I can't correctly process emotions nor express them very well. Even at a young age I had trouble with it. Not being able to express yourself or feel certain things doesn't really hit you till other people start calling you "weird" or a "psychopath" and saying theres something wrong with you. I figured it was because I wanted to not get taken advantage of by my family or to have mother praise me more often for being more put together than my brothers instead of constantly being yelled at for doing one thing wrong. But as I grew older I started to notice that nothing is changing even though I have tried tearing myself from your past. I envy those who get attached to people easily and actually start to care when people leave them. I'm currently in a situation where I can express emotion better but don't actually feel the emotion I'm expressing. If that makes sense. I just need people to understand that I cannot care for them as much as they care for me. That I am not and never have been a good person.

 

[AJwantsToGo]

I go by the gender I was born as but I don't "feel" that gender the same way I don't feel like a brunette, I just am one. It doesn't define me as a person. People are more than gender stereotypes and societal expectations. The way I feel is different from you, but I also don't experience gender dysphoria, which you might be struggling with. You can identify as non-binary if gender causes you so much grief, but I think it would good for you to explore why you feel that way. You mention feeling like a bad person, is that something you've been told? what exactly makes you a bad person? I feel like this is more than just a discussion about gender. Could it be that you feel non-human because you don't fit in with the people you're surrounded by? Many people with autism, for example, struggle with the concept of gender identity and communication, you could look into that. I don't get attached to people either, but that doesn't make us less human, it makes us different. Different is not a bad word. I sense you might also be struggling with past trauma and mixing it into your gender struggle.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you feel like this it doesn't mean you're not a good person

 

[AJwantsToGo]

By the way, I apologize if you didn't want an answer. I didn't read the vent part.

All the love,
AJ.

 

[Vanity☆]

By the way, I apologize if you didn't want an answer. I didn't read the vent part.

All the love,
AJ.

It helped a lot <3
Thank you