We met last year during the height of the pandemic on Tinder, and sparks seemed to fly. Three weeks after we started talking, he flew to my city to meet me. Two months later, we were cosigning on a car and making plans to move in together. I was happy since this was my first boyfriend as an introverted gay guy that came out late. It felt like we weren't just going to date, but we were going to last forever; we had deep conversations with each other and I shared details about my life I've been too ashamed to say aloud before.
Since my ex was planning to move to my city, I took care of everything financially while he tried looking for a job after quitting his old one, and basically depleted my bank account over the course of one year. He needed a suit and tie for an interview? I got him. He wanted a romantic dinner at a five star restaurant? Sure. My ex would promise to pay me back each time. During that time, I had spent less time with friends and eventually stopped contacting them as funds ran lower and my ex and I spent more time together. I also cut my family off because they didn't approve of him and because I didn't want them catching on how much money I was spending on him.
If only I had found out about the term 'lovebombing' back then, I wouldn't have let the relationship get this far but I thought the small red flags I noticed were just quirks of his personality we could work on together over time, vestiges of former abusive exes or trauma.
Then two weekends ago, he flew back to his city and told me he met someone. It was a guy I caught him video chatting with before who he claimed was a high school friend, but now I found out they met three weeks before he broke up with me. In hindsight, I should've known because he started acting distant and dismissive during those three weeks. And just like that, I'm left with an almost empty bank account, friends or family that will most likely say "I told you so" after I try initiating contact for the first time in months, and a city and apartment filled with his memories.
Now, they're moving in together in a much nicer apartment than the one we were in, driving around in the car I paid half for, and doing fun stuff using some of the money I lent him that he managed to hide somewhere.
I've been a long-time lurker on this forum and I've been through rough patches before, but nothing quite like this. With COVID and the situation in Ukraine going on now, it really feels like if I were to CTB it would be sometime around now.
Since my ex was planning to move to my city, I took care of everything financially while he tried looking for a job after quitting his old one, and basically depleted my bank account over the course of one year. He needed a suit and tie for an interview? I got him. He wanted a romantic dinner at a five star restaurant? Sure. My ex would promise to pay me back each time. During that time, I had spent less time with friends and eventually stopped contacting them as funds ran lower and my ex and I spent more time together. I also cut my family off because they didn't approve of him and because I didn't want them catching on how much money I was spending on him.
If only I had found out about the term 'lovebombing' back then, I wouldn't have let the relationship get this far but I thought the small red flags I noticed were just quirks of his personality we could work on together over time, vestiges of former abusive exes or trauma.
Then two weekends ago, he flew back to his city and told me he met someone. It was a guy I caught him video chatting with before who he claimed was a high school friend, but now I found out they met three weeks before he broke up with me. In hindsight, I should've known because he started acting distant and dismissive during those three weeks. And just like that, I'm left with an almost empty bank account, friends or family that will most likely say "I told you so" after I try initiating contact for the first time in months, and a city and apartment filled with his memories.
Now, they're moving in together in a much nicer apartment than the one we were in, driving around in the car I paid half for, and doing fun stuff using some of the money I lent him that he managed to hide somewhere.
I've been a long-time lurker on this forum and I've been through rough patches before, but nothing quite like this. With COVID and the situation in Ukraine going on now, it really feels like if I were to CTB it would be sometime around now.
