_Minsk
death: the cure for life
- Dec 9, 2019
- 1,112
I will save the details but long story short; I gave life many chances but the result was always letdowns.
Even though I achieved the things that I didn't expect to achieve, Career wise etc, my life is just the embodiment of a Nightmare. Physically I achieved everything I ever wanted, I did so much work for it. (Still, these things might be considered basic to most people nonetheless.) But on the other side; health is just shit and im convinced by now I will get more health issues that ultimately undermine any success I might gain over time, it has been like this from the beginning.
Im kinda angry because my living day is hell, all this trauma that I have to relive over and over. Its like im a small ant and life keeps on stepping on me once I made progress, JUST FUCK THIS SHITTY LIFE!!!
Bottom line; my life is just shit, everything that I start and what im passionate about will decay over time and I lost another thing that was everything to me. Its a pattern that keeps on repeating.
Anyway, I've thought about ctb a lot since yesterday and it made me loose almost all the remaining motivation I've had for this shitty life.. I feel slightly more indifferent about life now and I care less about it.
Im tired of not being 100% for either living or dying, I hope I can sort this out soon but honestly, rationally speaking I definitely should end this shit, better sooner than later.
Im really tired of this shit, life seems to have become a zero sum game after my health went downhill.
Sad thing now is that I have more responsibilities, I would have to quit my jobs, clean up my apartment and take care of all the other things. It sounds easier than it is and im too exhausted, maybe after I quit my jobs I would have more energy for the apartment stuff.
What a messed up life, when I made my decision I won't look back to this horrible life..
Even though I achieved the things that I didn't expect to achieve, Career wise etc, my life is just the embodiment of a Nightmare. Physically I achieved everything I ever wanted, I did so much work for it. (Still, these things might be considered basic to most people nonetheless.) But on the other side; health is just shit and im convinced by now I will get more health issues that ultimately undermine any success I might gain over time, it has been like this from the beginning.
Im kinda angry because my living day is hell, all this trauma that I have to relive over and over. Its like im a small ant and life keeps on stepping on me once I made progress, JUST FUCK THIS SHITTY LIFE!!!
Bottom line; my life is just shit, everything that I start and what im passionate about will decay over time and I lost another thing that was everything to me. Its a pattern that keeps on repeating.
Anyway, I've thought about ctb a lot since yesterday and it made me loose almost all the remaining motivation I've had for this shitty life.. I feel slightly more indifferent about life now and I care less about it.
Im tired of not being 100% for either living or dying, I hope I can sort this out soon but honestly, rationally speaking I definitely should end this shit, better sooner than later.
Im really tired of this shit, life seems to have become a zero sum game after my health went downhill.
Sad thing now is that I have more responsibilities, I would have to quit my jobs, clean up my apartment and take care of all the other things. It sounds easier than it is and im too exhausted, maybe after I quit my jobs I would have more energy for the apartment stuff.
What a messed up life, when I made my decision I won't look back to this horrible life..
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