NSFW Gallows Humor (Please share dark jokes) 😂🤣😅

[maniac116]

I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.

"Over there next to mine," was not the answer I was expecting....

 

[LivingDeadTGirl]

 

[Halfhourdays]

 

[maniac116]

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

You do need one if you want to go skydiving twice.

 

[maniac116]

"There's something about the clitoris. I can't quite put my finger on it."

 

[maniac116]

I'm in the middle of a long and messy divorce and I've decided that suicide is the only way out…

Now all I need to do is talk her into it…

 

[maniac116]

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where home is.



The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick...
She still isn't talking to me!

 

[maniac116]

My girlfriend and I planned to commit suicide together...
... But once she killed herself, things started looking a lot more positive.

 

[maniac116]

A suicide bomb instructor is training a class...

"Ok!! Everybody! Pay very close attention now! I can only demonstrate this once!!!"...

 

[maniac116]

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Not dark but I think it's funny...

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to upset you

 

[maniac116]

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."

The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."...