NSFW Gallows Humor (Please share dark jokes) 😂🤣😅

[maniac116]

I tried to kill myself by hanging with a bungee cord...
I kept almost dying.
My wife ran off with my best friend....
I still miss him!

 

[Darkover]

i have a joke about depression, but it always gets a bad reaction.

 

[Defenestration]

I love also memes

 

[EvisceratedJester]

If you remove the "e" and "h" from the word "earth" and put an "f" in front of it you get fart.


Calm down liberals, it's just dark humour.

 

[Lost Magic]

This was before the attempt. Is this dark enough? lol

 

[maniac116]

It's said that 3 out of 5 people suffer from depression...
Does that mean that the other 2 enjoy it?

View attachment 151953
This was before the attempt. Is this dark enough? lol

Perfect!!!!!

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Can't help but loving it

 

[maniac116]

View attachment 151980
Can't help but loving it

That's fucking hilarious lmfao!!
My wife told me to do whatever I want...
Im gonna miss her

 

[maniac116]

An author tells his friend "I'm thinking of killing off the main character in the book I'm writing".
His friend asks "what type of book is it?"......
"It's an autobiography"

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute if you want to go skydiving twice

 

[Demian]

The Last Resort organization, promoter of the assisted suicide capsule, has a record of zero complaints from its clients.

 

[maniac116]

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because they won't stop to ask for directions

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Love this one from SNL :

SNL, Michael Che reported a 118-year-old nun had passed and the cause of death was listed as 'answered prayers.'

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Ducttape. It can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Let's keep the thread going

The guy who stole my diary died.
My thoughts are with his family.

 

[maniac116]

Mom told me to stop telling suicide jokes...
I told her "don't worry mom. Suicide is the last thing I would do"

Suicide is considered wrong by some people but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkor!" its a failed stunt

I want to be a Christmas ornament because I would always be hanging

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I told my psychiatrist that I'd been hearing voices. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist.

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Family Guy:

Stewie:

Forecast for tomorrow....
A few sprinkles of genius, with a chance of DOOM !

 

[maniac116]

The more suicidal people there are...
The fewer suicidal people there are

 

[kat6]

Every time I make a suicide joke irl and people go "that's not funny. It's not a joke", I follow up with "my apologies, I'll see myself out".

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He's not coming either way.

I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

"Just say no to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

 

[sos]

this isnt dark enough for me

can someone make a darker than dark jokes thread

 

[heliophobic]

 

[maniac116]

Mom told me sister to stop telling suicide jokes...
Sister said " don't worry mom, I'll stop soon".

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Where did the suicide bomber go after he died?


Everywhere

 

[Not Today Satan]

this isnt dark enough for me

can someone make a darker than dark jokes thread

No because then it'll get shot up by the police for being too dark

 

[sos]

No because then it'll get shot up by the police for being too dark

press x to doubt

im sure that itll require a darker than the darkest than dark jokes thread

 

[user6932]

Ever heard of reverse exorcism? When the devil orders the priest to exit the child body.

 

[Lost Magic]

I had to share this one haha