My boss asked for my help today. The same guy, I feel I should mention, who torments me over being a brain cripple. He bought his son this... I want to say "little", but it's not a little thing, not in volume. He bought him a pile of crap for his birthday. It all constitutes as one item.
I didn't look at the brand for too long, I was too busy fighting with tech support over the stupidity of it all. It's a set of things:
One (1) pair of shoes.
One (1) wristwatch.
One (1) tennis racket.
One (1) water bottle.
One... (1) I'm not sure what the hell that thing is. Looks like some kind of pendant.
So what's the point of all of this pile of sports goods?
Sit down. If you're on the phone, find a nice bench to sit down. Take off your shirt, tie it around your head to act as some sort of hamfisted helmet in case you fall down laughing (or cringing. Probably cringing) over the stupidity of it all. If you're at home, maybe try to makeshift something akin to a safety belt, like the kind cars have, except for your chair.
Each thing has a Bluetooth... thing... that sends some kind of data. The shoes have two - one for each shoe, which connects to the wristwatch, which connects to the pendant, which connects to the phone, which connects to an account on "glamoursomething", which tracks your progress in tennis. How? Why? No fucking clue.
A mission was set for me: find out how to connect it all to each other and set the guy with an account. Let me try to map out the task.
Shoe (left) -> shoe (right) -> wristwatch -> pendant -> phone -> account
Shoe (right) -> shoe (left) -> wristwatch -> pendant -> phone -> account
Tennis racket -> water bottle -> wristwatch -> pendat -> phone -> account
Water bottle -> wristwatch -> pendant -> phone -> account
Tennis racket -> pendant -> wristwatch -> phone -> account
Tennis racket -> wristwatch -> pendant
Shoe (left) -> wristwatch
Shoe (right) -> wristwatch
Tennis racket -> wristwatch
Water bottle -> wristwatch
Wristwatch -> pendant
pendant -> phone
pendant -> account
wristwatch -> phone
wristwatch -> account
"Now hold the fuck up there, Compo", you might say, "that's way too much connecting! The shoes connect to each other, the pendant, the phone, the account? What? You had to connect the fucking shoes TO EACH OTHER?! THE FUCK kind of thing is this?!"
Well, my dear friend, I very much agree. This is why I was fighting with tech support, you see. Everything but the pendant communicated with a single, tiny, nigh microscopical LED hidden in the tips of the laces. The shoes, for example, signaled they connected with four quick blinks. Connected to each other, that is. Five blinks meaning connected to the wristwatch, and six means connected to the pendant. The shoes have a tiny button, barely fitting for an adult finger, on the side of a very thick sole. ONE button. The button operates on a timer - hold for one second to connect to shoe, two for the pendant, three for the watch. Not quite these numbers, but that's the gist of it. Thankfully, tech support did take skype calls for support, because this sort of clusterfuck of technology does require visual assistance.
Where he found this clusterfuck is beyond me. I'm sitting here as I type, googling left and right, but can't find it.
It took three hours. It was three paid hours, at least, but my normal wage. I have never seen such a thing. I hope to dear god I never will. I was never a religious man, but I started doing the Christian air cross thing mid-way. It's a nice way to drop the anger at something - an odd discovery.
So yeah, I spent roughly 1/3rd of today connecting shoes to each other, a tennis racket, a water bottle, a wristwatch, a pendant and a phone. How has your day been?
I didn't look at the brand for too long, I was too busy fighting with tech support over the stupidity of it all. It's a set of things:
One (1) pair of shoes.
One (1) wristwatch.
One (1) tennis racket.
One (1) water bottle.
One... (1) I'm not sure what the hell that thing is. Looks like some kind of pendant.
So what's the point of all of this pile of sports goods?
Sit down. If you're on the phone, find a nice bench to sit down. Take off your shirt, tie it around your head to act as some sort of hamfisted helmet in case you fall down laughing (or cringing. Probably cringing) over the stupidity of it all. If you're at home, maybe try to makeshift something akin to a safety belt, like the kind cars have, except for your chair.
Each thing has a Bluetooth... thing... that sends some kind of data. The shoes have two - one for each shoe, which connects to the wristwatch, which connects to the pendant, which connects to the phone, which connects to an account on "glamoursomething", which tracks your progress in tennis. How? Why? No fucking clue.
A mission was set for me: find out how to connect it all to each other and set the guy with an account. Let me try to map out the task.
Shoe (left) -> shoe (right) -> wristwatch -> pendant -> phone -> account
Shoe (right) -> shoe (left) -> wristwatch -> pendant -> phone -> account
Tennis racket -> water bottle -> wristwatch -> pendat -> phone -> account
Water bottle -> wristwatch -> pendant -> phone -> account
Tennis racket -> pendant -> wristwatch -> phone -> account
Tennis racket -> wristwatch -> pendant
Shoe (left) -> wristwatch
Shoe (right) -> wristwatch
Tennis racket -> wristwatch
Water bottle -> wristwatch
Wristwatch -> pendant
pendant -> phone
pendant -> account
wristwatch -> phone
wristwatch -> account
"Now hold the fuck up there, Compo", you might say, "that's way too much connecting! The shoes connect to each other, the pendant, the phone, the account? What? You had to connect the fucking shoes TO EACH OTHER?! THE FUCK kind of thing is this?!"
Well, my dear friend, I very much agree. This is why I was fighting with tech support, you see. Everything but the pendant communicated with a single, tiny, nigh microscopical LED hidden in the tips of the laces. The shoes, for example, signaled they connected with four quick blinks. Connected to each other, that is. Five blinks meaning connected to the wristwatch, and six means connected to the pendant. The shoes have a tiny button, barely fitting for an adult finger, on the side of a very thick sole. ONE button. The button operates on a timer - hold for one second to connect to shoe, two for the pendant, three for the watch. Not quite these numbers, but that's the gist of it. Thankfully, tech support did take skype calls for support, because this sort of clusterfuck of technology does require visual assistance.
Where he found this clusterfuck is beyond me. I'm sitting here as I type, googling left and right, but can't find it.
It took three hours. It was three paid hours, at least, but my normal wage. I have never seen such a thing. I hope to dear god I never will. I was never a religious man, but I started doing the Christian air cross thing mid-way. It's a nice way to drop the anger at something - an odd discovery.
So yeah, I spent roughly 1/3rd of today connecting shoes to each other, a tennis racket, a water bottle, a wristwatch, a pendant and a phone. How has your day been?
