Venting Fucking everything up

[backtoearth]

I have ruined my life and I can't even do the basic fucking things to stay functioning. I have been missing injections I have to get because I forget about the appointments, I can't force myself to shower or take care of myself, I don't have a job and disability is taking so long to even just speak to me or assess my case, I have no money because everything goes to bills and I barely have money for food or other shit, I have been sober for days because I can't afford weed and it's driving me up the wall, I can't eat because I am sober, I can't do fucking anything.

All I do is sit in my bed smoking weed or sleep, I am useless as a person, I can't even tell what is real and what isn't. I know in my heart I should be institutionalized because I am crazy (literally, I am psychotic) but I am so scared of the hospital here and all the cameras that are in there. They abuse people and have been getting away with it for years, so I will come out of there more fucked up than I already am so what options do I have? There is nothing I can do to fix this situation and I really haven't done a good job of explaining how bad everything is, everything crumbled around me and now I am left being a burden to my sibling and a waste of oxygen.

I need to go to my siblings bday dinner today with my parents and I am dreading it, I am so scared of outside and I don't want to sit in a pub and try to eat with that many people around me. I'm so scared I will go into psychosis in public, especially with my parents there. I don't want to CBT near their bday because it will probably ruin it forever but idk how much longer I can hold on. Every day is painful and scary and so fucking hard to get through. I just want a joint man, that would make today at least possible

 

[Akanea]

How does your psychosis manifest? Do you know any grounding techniques to go back closer to reality when you enter psychosis?

 

[backtoearth]

How does your psychosis manifest? Do you know any grounding techniques to go back closer to reality when you enter psychosis?

I have beliefs that I am being hunted down by a group who are wanting to severely harm me then I will be a victim of human trafficking. I have big issues with CCTV/hidden cameras that I believe are monitoring me 24/7, I think flies are also little cameras that are following me around, I think everyone is a part of the "plot" and that no person is safe because they have been blackmailed/threatened by the group that is after me.

I unfortunately have not been able to find anything that can get me out of that state once I am there, when I am home I self-harm when I notice delusions sneaking into my thoughts which moves my focus to the pain and wound care routine but I don't know how to pull myself out of the thought process in public

 

[Akanea]

I have beliefs that I am being hunted down by a group who are wanting to severely harm me then I will be a victim of human trafficking. I have big issues with CCTV/hidden cameras that I believe are monitoring me 24/7, I think flies are also little cameras that are following me around, I think everyone is a part of the "plot" and that no person is safe because they have been blackmailed/threatened by the group that is after me.

I unfortunately have not been able to find anything that can get me out of that state once I am there, when I am home I self-harm when I notice delusions sneaking into my thoughts which moves my focus to the pain and wound care routine but I don't know how to pull myself out of the thought process in public

This is pretty heavy psychosis good luck it seems hard. So I have a grounding technique for anxiety not psychosis but you can try, maybe? I listen to a song that i heard when I was in childhood. I see myself back when I was 6 or 7, on the ground in front of the TV, listening to that song and loving it. I need to have the music pretty loud to drown the rest of the world and I sit up and close my eyes slowly. After the music end I'm a bit better. I hope it will work for you, at least a bit.

 

[backtoearth]

This is pretty heavy psychosis good luck it seems hard. So I have a grounding technique for anxiety not psychosis but you can try, maybe? I listen to a song that i heard when I was in childhood. I see myself back when I was 6 or 7, on the ground in front of the TV, listening to that song and loving it. I need to have the music pretty loud to drown the rest of the world and I sit up and close my eyes slowly. After the music end I'm a bit better. I hope it will work for you, at least a bit.

Thank you <3 Yeah, when I get triggered/stressed and completely loose touch with reality there is no getting me out of there unless I completely disassociate (my close ones can read me better than I can and know how to keep their distance/give me some space when I start getting more agitated tho. I do not know what I would do without my sibling) Luckily, the dinner went well and I didn't have a 'moment' in public!!

That is such a cute way of grounding, I'm glad you have found something safe that works for you <3 I do something similar when I am lucid enough! The only difference is it's loud and fast electronic metal or EDM and I imagine them playing live in my brain and I'm just having fun in the crowd (I also have ADHD so fast, multi-layered music helps to keep all of my trains of thought on that one thing rather than being overstimulating)