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Gothsinner

Gothsinner

Member
Jul 26, 2019
76
Ugh why is suicide so fucking difficult. It is so hard. Borderline impossibel. Being successful has the same rate as winning the lottery in every country at the same time. Fuck this stupid fucking evolved survival fucking piece of shit body. Also warning, NIGHT NIGHT IS fake it doesn't work. Fuck this. I can't kill myself. Literally fuck.
 
S

Spitfire

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,274
Ugh why is suicide so fucking difficult. It is so hard. Borderline impossibel. Being successful has the same rate as winning the lottery in every country at the same time. Fuck this stupid fucking evolved survival fucking piece of shit body. Also warning, NIGHT NIGHT IS fake it doesn't work. Fuck this. I can't kill myself. Literally fuck.

More 'research'
 
Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
Apr 19, 2020
259
The carotid arteries are generally easy to find by palpating, but a cheap stethoscope would also help you find them easily.
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time.
 
Gothsinner

Gothsinner

Member
Jul 26, 2019
76
The carotid arteries are generally easy to find by palpating, but a cheap stethoscope would also help you find them easily.
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time.
The thing is I feel my neck I feel the pulse but I press down on the exact spot the pulse is coming from and nothingis there. I press down and deeper into my neck and nothing. Whenever I hung myself I would only get the exploding head shit. So I'm convinced I'm not fucking human
 
yetme

yetme

Arcanist
Oct 20, 2019
486
Ugh why is suicide so fucking difficult. It is so hard. Borderline impossibel. Being successful has the same rate as winning the lottery in every country at the same time. Fuck this stupid fucking evolved survival fucking piece of shit body. Also warning, NIGHT NIGHT IS fake it doesn't work. Fuck this. I can't kill myself. Literally fuck.

What else have you tried?
SI can be dealt with drugs.
 
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S

Spitfire

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,274
The thing is I feel my neck I feel the pulse but I press down on the exact spot the pulse is coming from and nothingis there. I press down and deeper into my neck and nothing. Whenever I hung myself I would only get the exploding head shit. So I'm convinced I'm not fucking human

Keep trying seriously. It is there and can be blocked. I am sorry.
 
Gothsinner

Gothsinner

Member
Jul 26, 2019
76
What else have you tried?
SI can be dealt with drugs.
I have so many attempts under ym belt. I have no Survival instinct anymore. I tried to hang myself around 8 times this is partial. Only got the exploding head feeling or no feeling at all. I tried overdosing on almost everything. I don't even pass out. I just feel better the next day. I've slit my wrists 4 times. A couple of times it was so deep I needed 28 stitches on my arm. No where near me is high enough to jump from. I live in the country where the train station is too far away. And night night I feel explosion again. I'm fucking immortal at this point
Keep trying seriously. It is there and can be blocked. I am sorry.
8 years of trying is enough. I feel the Exact spot the pulse is coming from and I push in and go really really deep, and then eventually find the oesophagus. And I'm 100% sure the pulse isn't in there. I've done all I physically can to find it.
What else have you tried?
SI can be dealt with drugs.
Oh yeah and fucking stupid gun laws UK here
 
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Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
Apr 19, 2020
259
The thing is I feel my neck I feel the pulse but I press down on the exact spot the pulse is coming from and nothingis there. I press down and deeper into my neck and nothing. Whenever I hung myself I would only get the exploding head shit. So I'm convinced I'm not fucking human
Have you tried just testing by using your fingers to hold down both carotid arteries to see if you can get to the point of passing out? It does sound like you're getting the veins closed off but not the arteries which would explain the exploding head feeling. Partial isn't my chosen method so I'm not too familiar with the dynamics of it exactly, I'm just in the medical field so anatomy comes naturally.
 
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Gothsinner

Gothsinner

Member
Jul 26, 2019
76
Have you tried just testing by using your fingers to hold down both carotid arteries to see if you can get to the point of passing out? It does sound like you're getting the veins closed off but not the arteries which would explain the exploding head feeling. Partial isn't my chosen method so I'm not too familiar with the dynamics of it exactly, I'm just in the medical field so anatomy comes naturally.
Yes I've tried every method to feel it, both hands, cupping hands, fingertips, scarfs, dorrhandles, palm squeezing. Still fuck all
 
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Spitfire

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,274
I have so many attempts under ym belt. I have no Survival instinct anymore. I tried to hang myself around 8 times this is partial. Only got the exploding head feeling or no feeling at all. I tried overdosing on almost everything. I don't even pass out. I just feel better the next day. I've slit my wrists 4 times. A couple of times it was so deep I needed 28 stitches on my arm. No where near me is high enough to jump from. I live in the country where the train station is too far away. And night night I feel explosion again. I'm fucking immortal at this point

8 years of trying is enough. I feel the Exact spot the pulse is coming from and I push in and go really really deep, and then eventually find the oesophagus. And I'm 100% sure the pulse isn't in there. I've done all I physically can to find it.
I am not comparing, but just letting you know.. me too. Stitches for both radial arteries man. I did it correctly, and went for the neck arteries with a scalpel and it did not work out.
 
Gothsinner

Gothsinner

Member
Jul 26, 2019
76
Hey, don't take your frustrations out on Spitfire :O
I'm not I simply stated I don't need to do more research.
I am not comparing, but just letting you know.. me too. Stitches for both radial arteries man. I did it correctly, and went for the neck arteries with a scalpel and it did not work out.
So sorry to hear that :(
our parents threw us into this hellish prison, where we were not given the right to an instant and painless exit. i hate this slavery. i so fucking want someone or something to kill me
Sorry I missed your comment but I agree 100% it's bullshit that we are expected to last 100 years when some people dont function in life. Like me.
 
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Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
Apr 19, 2020
259
8 years of trying is enough. I feel the Exact spot the pulse is coming from and I push in and go really really deep, and then eventually find the oesophagus. And I'm 100% sure the pulse isn't in there. I've done all I physically can to find it.
If you've found the pulse, you've found the artery, you won't physically feel it beyond that. Sorry if that's not what you meant though. It doesn't take too much pressure to close it off but you have to do both sides simultaneously.
 
Gothsinner

Gothsinner

Member
Jul 26, 2019
76
If you've found the pulse, you've found the artery, you won't physically feel it beyond that. Sorry if that's not what you meant though. It doesn't take too much pressure to close it off but you have to do both sides simultaneously.
I do both sides, and feel nothing except a pulse in my fingers or palms, so I press harder still nothing. Occasionally I get the stupid explode head. But apart from that both sides equal no vision blur pass out, or any difficulties.
 
Weightoftheworld

Weightoftheworld

Let me burn.
Apr 19, 2020
259
I do both sides, and feel nothing except a pulse in my fingers or palms, so I press harder still nothing. Occasionally I get the stupid explode head. But apart from that both sides equal no vision blur pass out, or any difficulties.
Gosh, maybe your arteries have become superhuman then. Again, I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I hope you find some kind of peace and comfort.
 
Gothsinner

Gothsinner

Member
Jul 26, 2019
76
Gosh, maybe your arteries have become superhuman then. Again, I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I hope you find some kind of peace and comfort.
This is why I'm so frustrated and in so much despair in tears because I have no way out. If I knew I could hang myself, or something I would feel peaceful. Knowing its there for me. But surviving everything and having 0 choice really fucks me up
This is why I'm so frustrated and in so much despair in tears because I have no way out. If I knew I could hang myself, or something I would feel peaceful. Knowing its there for me. But surviving everything and having 0 choice really fucks me up
I just wanna be gone so bad, I'm so desperate I can feel the agony in my chest. Why am I cursed to live :(
 
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elfgyoza

elfgyoza

Cursed
Aug 5, 2019
326
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I've had the exploding head feeling too, it really sucks. I read somewhere that even if it's in the right place you'd eventually feel that because of the pressure, so apparently you have to put more of your weight into it and quickly to pass out first? (pls someone correct me if I'm wrong here)
 
S

Spitfire

Enlightened
Apr 26, 2020
1,274
What? Are u kiding? If he's here, he knows what he's doing, I don't encourage him to do anything

What about demunic so? Sorry if u feel sensitive ^^
It goes for everyone but I was singling you out
 
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