rayisnothereyet
Member
- May 9, 2023
- 12
im so sick of feeling like this. i genuinely just need to fucking do it already. i can't live like this much longer.
i miss when i was really sad and could truly cry about things, feeling depression in the more 'normal' sense. it's so fucking lame to complain about my life right now, to other's it probably seems like it doesn't suck much, and it probably doesn't, the problem is my mind.
sadness and depression i can handle. but feeling like there's a huge fucking hole in my heart or in my body somewhere, that i can't deal with. constantly seeking osme sort of stimulation to quiet everything for a bit.
i feel like theres 3 layers here. me, my mind, and my brain. 'I' don't feel like I'm in myself, a voice just outside my brain in my head. Inside my brain feels like it's controlled by something else, giving me all these stupid feelings, and my mind whispers all these things to me, but it's not really whispers and it's not really me either. i don't know. i don't know what that is but i want everything to just be fucking QUIET for once. i hate to fucking think. i wish someone would grant me the mercy and just do it for me
theres too many things to consider. i am not afraid to die. i do not care who finds me, how people around me may or may not react. i couldn't give less of a shit. i just am so afraid of fucking it up as i certainly would.
FUCK.
i miss when i was really sad and could truly cry about things, feeling depression in the more 'normal' sense. it's so fucking lame to complain about my life right now, to other's it probably seems like it doesn't suck much, and it probably doesn't, the problem is my mind.
sadness and depression i can handle. but feeling like there's a huge fucking hole in my heart or in my body somewhere, that i can't deal with. constantly seeking osme sort of stimulation to quiet everything for a bit.
i feel like theres 3 layers here. me, my mind, and my brain. 'I' don't feel like I'm in myself, a voice just outside my brain in my head. Inside my brain feels like it's controlled by something else, giving me all these stupid feelings, and my mind whispers all these things to me, but it's not really whispers and it's not really me either. i don't know. i don't know what that is but i want everything to just be fucking QUIET for once. i hate to fucking think. i wish someone would grant me the mercy and just do it for me
theres too many things to consider. i am not afraid to die. i do not care who finds me, how people around me may or may not react. i couldn't give less of a shit. i just am so afraid of fucking it up as i certainly would.
FUCK.
