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toobrokenforlife

toobrokenforlife

Member
Feb 15, 2021
17
I've been so, so close to ctb countless times and survival instinct always stops me. Yesterday I had managed to get my head underwater in a lake and breathe in a bit of water but I wasn't far enough into the lake and survival instinct had me swimming back to shallow water and coughing. I fucking hate this. I'm not afraid of death at all until the moment comes and then I just can't do it. I don't want to be miserable anymore. (Side note: I know SN is a better method but I haven't been able to get any.)
 
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Reactions: AnestheticVoid
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,338
I understand how you feel. The SI can be very frustrating and it can make ctb difficult. Even know we want to die we are programmed to survive. More than anything, I wish that it was easier to leave this world. All I want is to pass away peacefully. I'm sorry you are suffering, I know that it can be awful to live a miserable existence. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
 
S

summers

Visionary
Nov 4, 2020
2,493
You shouldn't say fuck survival instinct, you should say fuck your inability to control it. SI is what keeps you safe and aware when you're not trying to kill yourself.
 
toobrokenforlife

toobrokenforlife

Member
Feb 15, 2021
17
You shouldn't say fuck survival instinct, you should say fuck your inability to control it. SI is what keeps you safe and aware when you're not trying to kill yourself.
Fair point.
 

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