True, I just don't wanna be back to acute withdrawal, which is a very high possibility, see what happens in the morning I guess....
I don't think much of my father, he's a narcissistic asshole, but one thing he said which did make sense was, "don't borrow trouble." If it turns into a fucking mess, then it's a fucking mess --and it sounds like you've been through a fucking mess before, so you at least know what it takes to dig yourself out.
Bear with me for a moment while I tell a story?
I used to instruct for Outward Bound style programs. One of the things I thought was really cool was how the entire Outward Bound education gig started. It was in WW2, when merchant ships were being torpedoed, and a lot of sailors were dying. The brasshats took a look at what sort of sailor was dying, and they were shocked to learn that it wasn't the crotchetty old sailors who were dying, it was the young strong ones. Someone smart figured out that the old sailors were surviving because they'd already lived through being torpedoed in WW1 and
they knew they could survive. The young kids would go over the side and because they hadn't seen anything like it they thought they were fucked, and gave up and died. The old guys who had lived through it before were thinking, "well shit, here we are in the water again." So the smart brasshat started a program where they shoved all the newbies into lifeboats and set them adrift off the coast of Scotland for a couple weeks of being miserable. Six months later, when the young guys' ship got torpedoed and they hit the water... they'd already spent two weeks in a lifeboat, and they could say, "well shit, here we are in the water again." Survival rates skyrocketted.
So there you are, BurningLights. You've been torpedoed, doused in emotional burning gasoline, and are once again adrift. But you've seen this before.
Well shit, there you are in the water again.
It still sucks --deeply and profoundly-- and there's no guarantee you'll survive this torpedoing the way you did the last one. But you know what you're in for, and you know you've made it before. You know that when the smoke clears --and it's
you who decides when the smoke is clear-- you can ctb; no one's taking away that option, you're just shelving it for now --and
no one thinks any the less of you for shelving it.
You have my deepest sympathy, BurningLights. You got jerked back from the threshold of peace, into a hell worse than you woke to that morning. Talk about Fate throwing you a bait-and-switch. I expect the crowd here at SS can stick with you for whatever you need for conversation. I know I'm a newbie here, but I'm impressed as all hell with the genuine compassion of this place. What a fucked up world that such a kind group are all doing our best to ctb, eh? Of well. So it goes.
'Nuff said, I guess. 'Cept you can be sure I'm cheering for you.
