Venting ftm top surgery hell

[sliceOfBasil]

i've been trying to hold onto being alive for the past year now bc top surgery has been my only hope / lifeline but christ i'm never getting surgery
my psychiatrist is basically the gatekeeper of the surgery and basically tldr my ed is what's gatekeeping me from getting the damn surgery
it just doesn't make sense bc the easiest fix would be just to get the surgery bc top surgery -> no depression -> no ed -> no suicidal thoughts -> yay! but instead i gotta solve it the other way around????????? goddamn is this surgery bs stupid i never asked to be trans i NEVER ASKED TO HAVE GENDER DYSPHORIA

ALSO being trans is hell on earth when you don't pass at all that's a whole another rant

my og ctb plan was to get a gun but since i was hospitalized for mental health shit i won't be passing that stupid background check for buying a gun
i've been tryna find a good ctb methods for so many months now and i've been vibing with shallow water blackout (i've been practicing hyperventilating but also would exercise help out with the carbon dioxide oxygen imbalance needed to pass out????) ughhh please just let me pass out bc hyperventilating has not been working but i'm just gonna keep practicing ig

 

[daydreams]

Sorry for that
I think transitioning is very stressful, especially if you have mental illness to begin with
Why would you assume that top surgery =no depression, that's not how depression and mental health works
If i have gender dysphoria i prefer to stay the same gender because this life doesn't worth suffering and injecting hormones and other stuffs
Do you consider retransition? Maybe your mental health gonna improve without these procedure and torture

 

[neardeath]

If you're in the US, use thegalap.org to get a letter from a therapist in one or two free sessions. it saved me when my therapist was gatekeeping me to hell and back.

 

[Ash]

Sorry for that
I think transitioning is very stressful, especially if you have mental illness to begin with
Why would you assume that top surgery =no depression, that's not how depression and mental health works
If i have gender dysphoria i prefer to stay the same gender because this life doesn't worth suffering and injecting hormones and other stuffs
Do you consider retransition? Maybe your mental health gonna improve without these procedure and torture

Have I misunderstood your post, or are you telling a trans person that they shouldn't transition because you think it would be better for their mental health? I really hope I've got the wrong end of the stick here.

OP, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time and I hope you can get the right support to manage the ED as well as surgery. The trans community deserves and needs society to do so much better.

 

[maneose]

i'm not sure if this will make you feel any better but many surgeries do require patients to be of a healthy weight and having a nutrient-filled diet to be considered for them :( so it's less of you being mentally ill and more of ensuring you recover properly. Honestly have to agree with the other poster about trying to get another therapist or psychiatrist that will allow you to get the surgery and kind of using that as a drive to keep yourself alive until youre able too. I would try your best to keep on going and I really hope you get the surgery soon

 

[justcallmeJ]

im sorry you are in that circle :( but they right in a way. Recovering from surgery can be mentally challenging. I got on sasu after recovering from a hair transplant and im still recovering from a surgery on my ribcage. I really wanted these two surgeries done because it gave me severe dysphoria and dysmorphia. At both times my mental health wasnt at its best, and it got worse over time. So its kinda important you need to at least be stable enough for everything. Really try to fight for better health with the help of your psychiatrist. I hope you are able to get your surgery soon <3

 

[PurpleMorality]

my psychiatrist is basically the gatekeeper of the surgery and basically tldr my ed is what's gatekeeping me from getting the damn surgery
it just doesn't make sense bc the easiest fix would be just to get the surgery bc top surgery -> no depression -> no ed -> no suicidal thoughts -> yay! but instead i gotta solve it the other way around????????? goddamn is this surgery bs stupid i never asked to be trans i NEVER ASKED TO HAVE GENDER DYSPHORIA

Yo, I don't know you and have no idea where you live but if you're in the US you might be able to get a virtual appointment with the psychiatrist who wrote my letter for top surgery. I'm pretty new to this site and don't know how private messaging works, but if you can message me I can give you their info. If you'd prefer that option to ctb.