itwonttakelong
all things must pass away
- May 3, 2026
- 5
Hi all, I'm fairly new here. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm still finding my way around.
The more I look around this forum for safe and sure methods the more I become frustrated with my past self for attempting so carelessly. While they are some of my happiest memories, my first overdose left me with chronic acid reflux that doesn't let me keep down a pill for longer than an hour. I've been to the doctor and gotten medicine for it, adapted my diet, done everything, but it seems to be purely psychological. I just can't keep pills or medicine down. Even cough syrup triggers the response. Even if I wasn't annoyed by it somewhat frustrating my dreams of N or SN, I can't take antidepressants or mood stabilizers either. Can't get better, can't get worse.
My second attempt at hanging myself left me with a strong stress response to any sort of pressure around my neck. I panic quickly, I've even had to cut my hair to be above the ears before because I get so quickly overwhelmed by sensations on my neck. It's, again, purely psychological.
It's frustrating me. Many of the safest methods include oral intake or pressure around the neck. I've been suicidal since I was a kid, I can't remember a time since then that I haven't used the idea of ctb as a way to calm myself down and as a fantasy to aspire to, but I don't know how I can do it safely if I've fucked myself over into having psychical stress responses over anything. I'll have to keep thinking.
The more I look around this forum for safe and sure methods the more I become frustrated with my past self for attempting so carelessly. While they are some of my happiest memories, my first overdose left me with chronic acid reflux that doesn't let me keep down a pill for longer than an hour. I've been to the doctor and gotten medicine for it, adapted my diet, done everything, but it seems to be purely psychological. I just can't keep pills or medicine down. Even cough syrup triggers the response. Even if I wasn't annoyed by it somewhat frustrating my dreams of N or SN, I can't take antidepressants or mood stabilizers either. Can't get better, can't get worse.
My second attempt at hanging myself left me with a strong stress response to any sort of pressure around my neck. I panic quickly, I've even had to cut my hair to be above the ears before because I get so quickly overwhelmed by sensations on my neck. It's, again, purely psychological.
It's frustrating me. Many of the safest methods include oral intake or pressure around the neck. I've been suicidal since I was a kid, I can't remember a time since then that I haven't used the idea of ctb as a way to calm myself down and as a fantasy to aspire to, but I don't know how I can do it safely if I've fucked myself over into having psychical stress responses over anything. I'll have to keep thinking.
