May I ask some possibly dumb questions of any patient forum members still involved heavily in public life, with big social circles or a lot of "IRL" acquaintances? Sorry kind of a long post...
Because I nuked my social life (job, relationship, friends) during the whole covid fiasco and do not have much real life interactions other than gym, grocery, and trying to go back to school for a career change (not making friends there).
But, I've been reading a lot about inceldom and poor relations between the sexes online for quite a while, even years before covid. It's everywhere on the internet, even in comments on many youtube videos and news articles. Those comments have grown over time for sure. You can see this topic all over the place now, even here where people want to die (and this forum was created by the incels running the major incel forum I think?).
BUT I have not heard anyone in real life actually claiming to be an incel or reciting many of the specifically incel talking points. If you lurk over at that major incel forum, which I and I'm sure many have done given all the talk, you'll see that even they, including the most inflammatory, frequently state it would be social suicide to say any of that stuff in real life. Hell, it seems like people would be more accepted saying they love Hitler or torture bunnies than admitting they 'subscribe to incel ideology' publicly.
So my questions are:
For the many women frustrated with incels, is this from actual in-person encounters with them?
I'm a guy so I would not face whatever you are encountering in public, except for possible attacks for being a 'chad' for being with girlfriends in public before covid. However, as a guy, I have not heard any 'locker talk' or 'dudebro shit talk' from any guy coming anywhere close to admitting incel ideology.
So I'm just curious if this is mostly frustration with the online communities or if there are greatly increased instances of guys (more than the baseline number of seriously disturbed and criminals) that are approaching women face-to-face and stating incel talking points. OR like, how do you know if the guy is an incel? Other than if you personally wouldn't find him fuckable, like I mean how do you know they are into the ideology just seeing everyday people?
Since it's talked about online so much, even I'm getting kinda mindfucked and now thinking when I see guys whether are not they are getting laid regularly (I have no idea) and how it might impact their interactions with other men and women. Will a dude think I'm a chad and resent me and treat me like shit if I 'mog' him in some area, or pitying me if he 'mogs' me in some way? Or like, if a woman sees me and thinks I'm not very fuckable looking, will she assume I'm an incel and treat me like a rapist/racist/whatever other stereotype? I ask this because public life in the past five years in the USA, it does seem like many (not all but noticeably higher %age than say 20 years ago) men, women, trans, anybody, is just hostile as fuck--unless you are in their friend group or something.
I have heard sort of 'red-pill' talking points from dudes, like pick-up artist type talk and behaviour. Have also heard women accuse guys of 'peacocking' and stuff like that on a vacation before covid. So some manosphere stuff I've seen in the wild but definitely not straight up incel talk.
From how big the topic is getting online, I imagine it is driving at least some behaviour. I can imagine guys getting more creepy and sexualizing women more in obsession with trying to not be seen as an incel or lose their virginity, ironically. Hell, I'm getting paranoid now being in public without a girlfriend next to me as proof I'm not evil--like is everyone thinking I am an incel or some shit (I hardly talk) by being out and about? I'm attracted to women, but I try not to ogle them or shit. However, by being attracted to women, that kind of inherently comes with occasional sexual thoughts, honestly it is HARD to just try to NEVER even for a microsecond look at extremely revealing short shorts, breasts hanging out, yoga pants literally sucked inside of asscracks--and that is pretty common attire so it's even hurting my neck to like force myself to look at the ground everywhere I go so I don't get thought of as a rapist. I'm starting to get paranoid try to just not look at anyone at all out of fear of being labeled a creep or incel or something?
The war of the sexes shit is so heavy online it's making my mental health even worse. Like, I just want the government to offer nembutal. I'm not very attractive maybe average dude, like I think we can all agree the world would be better if society just decided dudes that aren't that hot should be euthanized if it's this huge of a problem (growing problem). I feel like shit and like guilty scum for finding women attractive when I read a lot of stuff even here. Read some threads today here about how vile men are for sexualizing women, all men just treat all women like fuckdolls, all men are responsible for everything males did over past thousands of years, the word patriarchy is everywhere.
I don't feel entitled to sex, but am I truly vile and evil for finding women attractive? Is it legit creepy to smile at a girl in public? I am attracted to women and enjoy seeing them in public, but getting scared to even make eye contact with people now.
I see women as humans absolutely, and I prefer relationships where we are both autonomous human beings not some weird ass competition or need to be this or that role that's fucking exhausting but you know someone you spend time with and care about. And this is a real thought: if you are attracted to the other sex, when you see them to some degree there WILL be sexualization. That doesn't mean you always just see pure fuckmeat nothing else, are there no straight women that ever have sexual thoughts about men? I honestly can't force myself to be gay, I can slightly kill libido with opioids and drugs and shit and making sure I'm like dehydrated or hungry or jerked-out before ever being in public?
Miss being with my girlfriend of seven years, I was happy...it just seemed like we were living normal every day life not attacking the fuck out of each other over stuff like this, ever? Our separation was from moving for jobs/school. I had two other 5+ year relationships. I don't want to state the number of women I've had sex with but there is like some thought that like, hell, you have to start trying to get with more to have some proof/alibi you're not an incel? I will say dating apps are not fun at all--I've met several girls from there before but it IS true that it is a struggle as a guy on there and it fucks with mental health honestly, I'd rather meet people in public but is that even acceptable anymore?
In a sense, aren't we making it even more the case that a man's value is based on how many women he sleeps with, since 'incel' is starting to mean evil and a bad personality, having sex is starting to mean not evil and good personality? There are surely a lot of guys that wanna get laid more often but are not. There's gotta be a better word than 'involuntarily celibate' for all this...I guess 'blackpilled' fits that bill better?