Friendship, relationship, family issues peer support mega thread

[rainwillneverstop]

This is a Megathread where members who are have suffered (or are still suffering from) issues regarding to friendships, relationships and family issues can post their experiences, vent, connect with others in a similar situation and give/receive support.

Feeling suicidal can make relationships of all kinds hard, and also trauma from relationships can contribute to suicidal feelings in the first place. Then throw into the mix personality disorders, neurodivergence or social anxiety which can just make maintaining healthy relationships difficult in general.

You can post as often or as infrequently as you like. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

Staff will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.

Over time staff will also endeavour to link some resources which might help with boundaries and recognising red flags, but keep in mind there is also a thread dedicated to support for people living through effects of current or historical abuse.

 

[sashaisalone]

Is this meant more so for linear back and forth discussion, or should we also be linking our own posts/threads that are pertinent to this topic if we feel it might be helpful for others to read?

 

[Argo]

Sure, I have a vent that contributes to my suicidal feelings related to relationships. Thank you for starting this thread. Here goes:

I hate how vindictive and self absorbed the world is. The "social" world that we tend to feel so left out of, want so badly to be a part of. Yet these are the sorts of assholes who post on reddit shaming people, or exclude and gossip and smear people in social circles. Why would I want to be accepted by most of humanity who have zero self awareness, judge others, yet fail to realize what utter pieces of shit they are themselves?

I was just browsing reddit and someone posted a picture of a lady in my neighborhood who doesnt pick up her dogs poop. She was smug about it, allegedly(according to the photographer), saying "It's poop" and refused to pick it up. The sane and good thing to do here as a model citizen is apparently to take a photo of this person, doxxing them, and begin the process of destroying their lives via reputation destruction. That'll teach them. That's what they deserve...

after what? After having a hard enough life that they just didn't learn how to do trivially decent things towards other members of society? Now you'll really show them by putting their face on the internet, for tens of thousands of their neighbors to see, where they will be damned and reviled and rejected. Sorry but if you do this, if you react this way to people in the world, you're part of the fucking problem and you fucking disgust me to my core.

There we go. Ahhhh.... that helped a little bit.

 

[ThatsAllFolks2218]

I'm currently suffering at the moment and it has escalated again. I thought I heard my friend saying he was stepping back from the friendship while ranting to chat gbt. Since we live together he has been dealing with me for a year. I texted him back to back and shit I can't remember that last time I did something like that. He hasn't replied or said anything
I feel I was just starting to feel somewhat secure in our friendship but we'll look at that I am acting insecure again.
I know he has been going through a issue regarding this best friend and FWB he has known for 4 years . He told me he has viewed them romantically since he met them. However the issue with this person he is infatuated with is that he has SA allegations. From what my friend told me, this guy was sexually assaulted in his youth. He didn't know that having sex with others while in their sleep without their permission counted as SA. As someone who has been a DV survivor ( and yes that does include rape) I worry for him. Especially because this guy he has feelings for also did this to my friend, but my friend doesn't view it as such. Although the SA dude is working on himself, going through therapy and finding employment, there are times where the SA guy has treated my friend, and I'm going to put it bluntly, like shit. I finally told someone who is mutual with us and that is when my insecurity has been on the rise.
There is also the factor I keep remembering how my friend has treated me a little bit before and after I moved here. Passive aggressive behavior, being rude to me one on one , being rude to me in front of his friends, his best friend being rude to me while my friend says nothing, talking behind my back, making assumptions about me etc. I have felt conflicted a lot. I have tried to see from his perspective from the times I affected him, I try to not say anything, I talk with my therapist about it, I try to go to advice forums.
So I'm sitting here currently, not at work, not doing homework. And all I keep thinking is how I keep fucking up, like a lot. I am no contact with my mom and her side of the family except for my sibling. I feel this sense I need family and friends and more people in my life. I wished the family I was given did more mental health work, got my tested for autism and worked just a little harder on me and my sister in a gentle parenting sense. Maybe I wouldnt have developed BPD and PTSD. Every time I heard my friend talk about his family, how they help one another, how they have get togethers, how although I don't like his dad because of the things my friend told me about him, at least he was able to work on himself. I felt happy for him he was able to spend time with his family, but I cant help the feeling I wished I had that from my family. My mom doesn't even know I am a trans man, either does her side of the family not my absent dad and his side. It honestly makes me feel I have the concept of family on paper. It not one that felt like one. Relationships are not even a thing for me. Last relationship I had was 10 years ago and it feels.harrowing to think about. It took a while for not to feel weird around having sex with others due to him raping and pressuring me into sex more than a few times. Including the day of returning home from ovarian surgery. I still feel that weirdness but it's less if that makes sense. I feel even before than, I have been broken up with more than me doing the breaking up. I think there was only one relationship where I did. Unlike my friend who I know will find someone that actually respects him, I on the other hand I know I'm going to die alone. My sibling I could see getting married.
I know my mom and my sibling on more than one occasion have always worried about my mental health. Anyone else not family they just go like " This is too much" " This is toxic" and they leave. They feel watched or smothered, etc.

I feel it would be better if I did CTB, because I don't want to go through this cycle for another 31 years. I'm tired of going to inpatient and doctors testing me like an inconvenience. I'm tired of taking meds, and going through the same thing in therapy over and over again. I'm just tired of pretending like I want to stay just so they won't feel sad or stressed. I'm tired of feeling abandonment issues or feeling insecure.

I just everything would stop.

 

[ThatsAllFolks2218]

I'm currently suffering at the moment and it has escalated again. I thought I heard my friend saying he was stepping back from the friendship while ranting to chat gbt. Since we live together he has been dealing with me for a year. I texted him back to back and shit I can't remember that last time I did something like that. He hasn't replied or said anything
I feel I was just starting to feel somewhat secure in our friendship but we'll look at that I am acting insecure again.
I know he has been going through a issue regarding this best friend and FWB he has known for 4 years . He told me he has viewed them romantically since he met them. However the issue with this person he is infatuated with is that he has SA allegations. From what my friend told me, this guy was sexually assaulted in his youth. He didn't know that having sex with others while in their sleep without their permission counted as SA. As someone who has been a DV survivor ( and yes that does include rape) I worry for him. Especially because this guy he has feelings for also did this to my friend, but my friend doesn't view it as such. Although the SA dude is working on himself, going through therapy and finding employment, there are times where the SA guy has treated my friend, and I'm going to put it bluntly, like shit. I finally told someone who is mutual with us and that is when my insecurity has been on the rise.
There is also the factor I keep remembering how my friend has treated me a little bit before and after I moved here. Passive aggressive behavior, being rude to me one on one , being rude to me in front of his friends, his best friend being rude to me while my friend says nothing, talking behind my back, making assumptions about me etc. I have felt conflicted a lot. I have tried to see from his perspective from the times I affected him, I try to not say anything, I talk with my therapist about it, I try to go to advice forums.
So I'm sitting here currently, not at work, not doing homework. And all I keep thinking is how I keep fucking up, like a lot. I am no contact with my mom and her side of the family except for my sibling. I feel this sense I need family and friends and more people in my life. I wished the family I was given did more mental health work, got my tested for autism and worked just a little harder on me and my sister in a gentle parenting sense. Maybe I wouldnt have developed BPD and PTSD. Every time I heard my friend talk about his family, how they help one another, how they have get togethers, how although I don't like his dad because of the things my friend told me about him, at least he was able to work on himself. I felt happy for him he was able to spend time with his family, but I cant help the feeling I wished I had that from my family. My mom doesn't even know I am a trans man, either does her side of the family not my absent dad and his side. It honestly makes me feel I have the concept of family on paper. It not one that felt like one. Relationships are not even a thing for me. Last relationship I had was 10 years ago and it feels.harrowing to think about. It took a while for not to feel weird around having sex with others due to him raping and pressuring me into sex more than a few times. Including the day of returning home from ovarian surgery. I still feel that weirdness but it's less if that makes sense. I feel even before than, I have been broken up with more than me doing the breaking up. I think there was only one relationship where I did. Unlike my friend who I know will find someone that actually respects him, I on the other hand I know I'm going to die alone. My sibling I could see getting married.
I know my mom and my sibling on more than one occasion have always worried about my mental health. Anyone else not family they just go like " This is too much" " This is toxic" and they leave. They feel watched or smothered, etc.

I feel it would be better if I did CTB, because I don't want to go through this cycle for another 31 years. I'm tired of going to inpatient and doctors testing me like an inconvenience. I'm tired of taking meds, and going through the same thing in therapy over and over again. I'm just tired of pretending like I want to stay just so they won't feel sad or stressed. I'm tired of feeling abandonment issues or feeling insecure.

I just everything would stop.

I feel I may have gone off topic of the purpose/topic of the thread.

 

[blepblep]

How do I explain to my partner what being depressed is like? We fight a lot about chores. I have no energy.

 

[ThatsAllFolks2218]

How do I explain to my partner what being depressed is like? We fight a lot about chores. I have no energy.

I have a trouble describing things, so take this as you may this is is how I describe it : Imagine this lingering feeling like things feel pointless, everything feels energy consuming, so you feel numb. You know you should shower, take care of chores, finish homework etc but the only thought that comes to you is " why"? This feeling becomes worse, because now it targets your failure to do the things you know you need to do. Same principle with hobbies and communication with love ones. The feeling of why bother, with the feeling of realistic reality makes things pessimistic.
Here are examples
I know I need to eat ---> Why should I bother it's only going to give me short dopamine fix
I know I should do chores---> The feeling I can't do chores makes me even more numb then you have that inner critic in you
I know I need to control my eating ----> What's the point I'm never going to lose weight
I know I need to do xyz for mental health ----> What's the point? Every attempt I've made in still where I am currently

And even when you try to cheer up, the stark reminder that everything is temporary and the hyper realistic thinking.
Seeing a beautiful butterfly while outside on a sunny day ---> Butterflies are going extinct and they will die off and the Earth will not last either being engulfed by the sun or environmental factors.

Hope this helps

 

[Argo]

How do I explain to my partner what being depressed is like? We fight a lot about chores. I have no energy.

The best way to get others to understand us better is to stop thinking about ourselves and understand others better. Whether or not we have the energy to do this is another question, that's not in our control often times. I've had 20 years of severe depression with bouts of extreme suicidality and planning methods, getting very close at certain times. Other times I've had bouts of intense recovery mindset, and everything in between. The best experiences that have brought me closer to understanding is when I stopped being self-absorbed and focused only on the other person. What is their mind like? How are they operating? This is almost impossible for the average person to do without getting self-absorbed or self-interested or looping into some egocentric narrative that reduces to "me me me", but... it's still the way I've found actually works so I'm going to share.

Here's a story that captures this. I had 3 therapists at one point recently after my closest brush with ending myself to date. People tell you to screen your therapists, how it needs to be a good fit for you, blah blah blah(more narcissistic cultural horse shit about how you are the movie star of your reality). I had this one guy who was the worst of the 3. He'd never fucking listen. He'd just talk at me the whole time. I sunk into the standard human monkey brain ego nonsense of "This guy sucks, I'm the one who is right here, blah blah blah". Then it occurred to me. What if I just listened instead? What if I dropped my ego and paid attention to this person? I started to adopt the mindset that I wasn't actually the patient, but I was the therapist, and he was the patient. I began deep listening to my therapist as a suicidally depressed patient. Do you know what happened?

He got better. He started to get it. He loved me as a patient. I taught him so much without him knowing. I gave it a chance even when it sucked and most people would just blame "the other". This is what happens when you can drop your ego and just listen with good intention. I'm not saying I'm always like this, I am self absorbed 90% of the day. But if you can pull this type of thing off, then yeah that's basically the only real solution to your question with your partner. You "explaining" things to people doesn't do shit. You can explain all day long, words won't work in this world. In fact they make things worse often times. Stop explaining, that's not it. Instead use actions to show people. Stop fighting. If you have no energy, then how do you have the energy to fight? Isn't that interesting? Now, you and I both know it's likely because you see threats around you, threats to yourself, threats to losing your partner, this gives you a kind of "last stand" sort of occasional fighting spirit, and this is basically all of this monkey brained "me me me" stuff I'm talking about. But to your partner, do you know what this looks/sounds like? (Assuming you're female or a bottom in your relationship based on your tone, pardon if it's a wrong assumption)

"This bitch is just lazy/manipulative. Says she has no energy but she fights about petty shit all day"

That's how it *sounds* to your partner, in their mind, probably. Now imagine what happens when you explain more... and more... and more...

Does it help your partners confused narrative, or hurt it? Obviously it helps it, right? So the more you explain, the more you fight, the more you dig yourself deeper. If you're too depressed to even listen, then I get it, but try to do less, not more, and then from that place of rest do more of the right thing, which is really fucking hard in life. Good luck

 

[Dot]

Is this meant more so for linear back and forth discussion, or should we also be linking our own posts/threads that are pertinent to this topic if we feel it might be helpful for others to read?

Eithr or bth tbf

 

[_Gollum_]

I think I'm finally mentally starting to detach from him. Contemplating losing him no longer feels like contemplating losing a limb. And good riddance. Took me long enough. Just sucks because he's finally starting to try. Finally putting in an ounce of effort. He isn't being "good" to me, but he's being his approximation of that, which is at least better than before.

But I'm just so burnt out at this point. Just accumulated so many scars, so many wounds, none of which have had time to fully heal. He always says or does something eventually to open them all up again. The trust is gone, and I don't think it can be rebuilt. At this point I'm just waiting for the right moment to end it. I want it to stick this time. No back and forth, no passionate reunions, no getting back together. Just over forever.

 

[hiiiii]

feeling extremely lonely probably more than ever, but also do not have the capacity to nurture any kind of friendship or romantic relationship due to long term isolation/social regression. i can not imagine reintegrating into society from my depression hole.
i had social anxiety as a teen but i at least could hold a decent conversation once i got comfortable... now it's like i'm a fucking toddler learning the rules all over again. it's exhausting and i'm so irritated with myself for letting it get this bad.

 

[4colliez]

But I'm just so burnt out at this point. Just accumulated so many scars, so many wounds, none of which have had time to fully heal. He always says or does something eventually to open them all up again. The trust is gone, and I don't think it can be rebuilt. At this point I'm just waiting for the right moment to end it. I want it to stick this time. No back and forth, no passionate reunions, no getting back together. Just over forever.

Imho there is no right moment for these things. From what you're saying it seems you know what the right decision for you is, and for something like this it's best to just do it and ride the wave. Waiting for the right moment can make you push it back again and again, and you end up just staying even longer than you already have. Don't let him being "good" make you feel like you have to ignore all the hurt you've already gone through. In my situation, I stayed because I wanted to feel "ready". And because of that a lot of negative sentiments built up and things ended abruptly at a time where I was absolutely not ready for it. But truth is I was never going to be ready, so if things need to end its best to end them sooner than later. I really hear myself in your words so I know how hard it can be, but I hope you end up doing what's best for you

feeling extremely lonely probably more than ever, but also do not have the capacity to nurture any kind of friendship or romantic relationship due to long term isolation/social regression. i can not imagine reintegrating into society from my depression hole.
i had social anxiety as a teen but i at least could hold a decent conversation once i got comfortable... now it's like i'm a fucking toddler learning the rules all over again. it's exhausting and i'm so irritated with myself for letting it get this bad.

It's not your fault. I think a lot more adults are lonely than it seems. And from what I've experienced, adult circles have more drama than a high school classroom.
We're all here for a reason and you've gone through a lot so being overly hard on yourself doesn't help. I wish I could offer better support but I know they'd just be nice words on a website about death... But I hope you can find your footing again, even if it's very slowly. You aren't alone in this


I've personally been dealing with a lot of anger towards certain people. I feel like I keep being lied to. Im tired of reaching out to "friends" who are supposed to care. I feel so stupid that I let myself be vulnerable with people who decide I'm not worth their time anymore. I wish someone actually cared about me as a person. That they'd like me, want to know me, that they'd be happy knowing they get to talk to me today. I've lost the one person who made me feel like I mattered and had some weight in their life. And the way things ended truly have made me feel like all of it wasn't real and that I'm just trash to be discarded when you decide to. I hate when people say they care because its the nice things to say when I'm opening up. It's led me on a self destructive path of only seeking out people I know will use me for one thing or another and openly do not care about me or my feelings. It doesn't make me feel good at all but at least I feel they're being honest and I can't be disappointed. Its honestly really sad but it's no one's fault but mine

 

[DownwardSpiral]

Rant incoming! I have so much to say, this is me trying to hold back. Sorry if too long. I am on substances while writing as usual, so ill try my best.
:Growing up and realizing how badly my parents failed me has been a shock. Every day I have been in shock, both at things they do and things I remember they did. They are grossly incompetent at looking after other beings, and even looking after themselves. Honestly I'm kind of amazed I made it through childhood without getting in any serious accidents or trouble. They don't pay attention, they don't learn, they don't reflect on things, and they have the emotional maturity of 16 year olds. I don't know why I believed in them so much and blamed myself for so long. It's only been a couple years since I've started piecing together my parents actions and the effects they had on me.

I wonder if I was born in the wrong family. One time we had dinner with one of my parent's cousins, who is also a parent. He asked me tons of questions about myself, showed interest in my hobbies, and considered my feelings, all things my parents never did for me. I remember I was stunned when I was suddenly needing to speak so much about myself. My parents were glaring at me the whole time and I was scared of saying too much and making my parents angry, but it was still really nice and eye opening. I'm jealous of his kids. Maybe I was supposed to be born into that cousin's family instead and me being here is a tragic mistake. Oh well. I wonder if he recognized my situation and my parent's behavior, and if he wanted to help. I wonder if any of the people across my life knew I was in a bad situation and pitied me.

My parents are the exact kind of people I would despise if I weren't related to them. Self important, entitled, selfish, careless. We have such different personalities, it's crazy. They are so possessive and try to force me to act like the son that they want, but I don't want that. I feel so crazy. I feel like when I tell them things, they just don't listen. They only hear what they want to hear. They never change their behavior and they always shift the blame somehwere else instead of taking accountability. They pretend soooo hard that they are nice people who care about family. They buy me excessive surprise gifts, and constantly invite me on trips or experiences or fancy restaurants, but it's just to make them feel less lonely and to feel important to themselves. I've told them these things stress me out and make me uncomfortable, but they do it anyways. When I pull away from them, even for a single evening, their insecurities begin to show and their ugly manipulative sides come out.

I just want to escape from them tbh. I feel guilty about it, I know they intended well, but the fact of the matter is they ruined my self confidence, and my life. They didn't beat me, or deprive me of basic necessities, but I still just want to get away. They are intruding on my life every day, smothering me. I can't be around them and be comfortable, I can't look in their eyes without anxiety, and I can't talk to them without stress. In my future, I imagine the less I would interact with them, the better. They would be devastated to hear this from me, but I can't be bothered. They were lonely purposeless people who wanted to play family, and who wanted kids that looked up to them, but they weren't able to handle the difficult parts of parenting and escaped into work or screens instead of being there for their kids who needed their support. Maybe in 10-20 years, if I have a stable life, I could reach out to them to be nice and handle their BS. Not now.

I wish I realized their nature earlier so I could have left by now. My sibling realized it on their own and managed to leave at 18. I don't know why I never left, I can't remember. That was a foolish mistake. Now I have nothing except this self awareness. No money, no friends. I am still stuck with them. I have to relearn everything about life, like socializing, self care, and working hard at things. And I have to do all this while knowing having better parents would have let me avoid all of this mess and live the life I so badly desire. uuuuggghhh.

 

[_Gollum_]

Imho there is no right moment for these things. From what you're saying it seems you know what the right decision for you is, and for something like this it's best to just do it and ride the wave. Waiting for the right moment can make you push it back again and again, and you end up just staying even longer than you already have. Don't let him being "good" make you feel like you have to ignore all the hurt you've already gone through. In my situation, I stayed because I wanted to feel "ready". And because of that a lot of negative sentiments built up and things ended abruptly at a time where I was absolutely not ready for it. But truth is I was never going to be ready, so if things need to end its best to end them sooner than later. I really hear myself in your words so I know how hard it can be, but I hope you end up doing what's best for you

Yeah, I know there's no one "right" moment, but I think there are moments that are "more right" than others, in the sense that they're more likely to succeed. Same with CTB. I think when it's time, I'll know.

But yeah, I definitely get what you're saying about the negative sentiments building up. I'm ashamed to say that I now regularly call him names in my head--something which is totally out of character for me--and feel an increasing amount of contempt towards him. I wish things could have ended before I got to this point, because I really dislike who I'm becoming. I did try to end things 8 months ago, but it didn't stick -- perhaps due in part because I still had a lot of positive emotions towards him, enough to balance out the negative and make reconciliation worth it. The (attempted) breakup was still extremely painful for me though, so the reason why I want to wait for the "right" moment is because I don't want to go through all that agony again just to end up back together.

Thanks for taking the time to engage with my vent btw. Sorry that you're also going through interpersonal issues. I think the unfortunate reality is that the vast majority of people who claim to care don't actually care. It angers me too when they lie through their teeth, even though I know most times they have good intentions. From the looks of it you're not asking for much: just for someone to be genuinely curious about you.

 

[calebzz1]

Thank you for making this megathread.

I will divide my reply into two sections, friends and family.

This post will be long.

Friends - I had to take a break from my friend group again unfortunately.

The situation with them is that they I'm functional enough to hang out, play videogames and do the activties they want but I can barely do what I want physically.

My best friend states that he doesn't want myself to be stuck in the same place which is a fair point but unfortunately I don't have a choice in the matter and have to go for disabiliy benefits, with true visual impairment that's how it goes.

He explained that I could have replied to some messages about hanging out before which is totally valid.

Frankly, I was hoping for my condition to get better but now it's starting to sink in that what I experience will be a long-term, disabling issue.

This long list of diagnoses and letter didn't help at all.

1. https://i.postimg.cc/8cP2FtGz/Symptom-list-from-appointment-with-second-neuro-ophthalmologist.png (Diagnoses)

2. https://i.postimg.cc/h461dkyP/Disability-letter-edited-from-second-neuro-ophthalmologist.png

I didn't want to worry them or act like everything is fine when I'm barely functional each day.

I will reconnect at some point but I personally am too pragmatic and practical to go out for fun or relaxation.

I have different priorities right now.

Family - I don't have contact with either my mom or dad's side of the family right now.

The situation with my family is interesting to say the least.

My mom's side of the family has ostracized her entirely, a lot of it is justified due to her drug use and past incidents but I still feel like they are very harsh towards her at times.

She has to walk on eggshells and my older brother is very strict about seeing her granddaughters which is justifiable but even a small visit could be supervised.

I have an aunt and cousin who care about my situation but ultimately don't have the resources or knowledge to help on a deeper level.

They have moved on and hang out with their family members, hurts to see them all together and being locked out due to not being able to see well but it's all good.

This is where it gets a bit annoying, though.

I have two cousins who are well off for the most part and have the resources to help but they don't whatsoever.

I vividly remember sending long texts asking for any financial support and getting nothing back which was brutal.

They focus on themselves and their immediate family, to be fair I stated that I'm barely functional and would not want to go anyways.

The tough part is that my mom would be naturally excluded and I would not want to leave her behind.

My one cousin is very materialistic, upset over not getting the right concert tickets and a makeup container.

Meanwhile, I wish my life was that simple and carefree.

My older brother, on the other hand is a piece of work.

I went to a family gathering a while back with my mom and it was very difficult since I could barely see, which made everything bittersweet.

I didn't have a white cane back then and she needed to help guide myself to the bathroom.

I wanted to confide in my older brother regarding the situation.

He decides to dirnk some alcohol and says "I work with fucking blind people".

Next, he "promises" that he would look for a specialist and we would go out to lunch.

There was no follow-up, of course and it's a big reason why he's not in my life anymore as I don't have time to waste on false hope and people who act like they care but don't.

Also, he decided to meet up with my other brother (technically step but I don't like using those terms) in New York, at first by pure coincidence.

That was fine and I thought nothing of it.

Then I saw another post on social media where he was with him on a full blown boat with this other guy who looked like scuffed Chris Brown.

Here's the kicker, he called him "Boogie" which implied that they were a lot closer than I thought.

They were on a nickname basis.

I'm not mad at my other brother and happy with his success.

I knew I couldn't associate with my older brother after that.

The morality of it all is wild if I sit down and think about it.

If you know your younger brother is almost blind and will face a life of disability for a long time, why not use your resources to contact specialists and provide financial support?

Why would you bail out my cousin who was caught doing illegal acts involving drugs but not hire a lawyer who could help my disability case or get a better refund from the surgery that made my life a lot worse over time?

I wish him the best but when I see him on vacation and doing all of these activities, I can't relate.

Alright, now for my dad's side of the family.

Honestly, there aren't really too many flaws.

My dad thinks that I have a lot more control of my medical situation than I really do.

He sent a long text a while back that was normal in the beginning but then got quite accusatory, stating that I didn't have a social life and I was doing nothing for a year which was absolutely not true.

I was trying to improve my symptoms and still kept in contact with my friends but having a robust social life is irrelevant when you are barely functional on a physical level.

The most annoying part of that text was when he said if "I want it bad enough" everything will change.

I literally go into relevant appointments stating that I can barely see my mom's face, want to go back to work and continue to learn how to drive.

I want to see better every single day, that's all I desire is to see single and clearly in both eyes with no waiting, gimmicks or gotchas.

Also, my dad was stating before that I was "rich" in a Facebook group chat with the family when I didn't have that much money saved up in the first place.

I was smart with my money and worked full-time, that's why I had a lot in my bank account at the time.

My uncle and aunt called recently, normally I don't answer random phone numbers and assumed it was from a doctor's office.

He was talking about a job opportunity my dad mentioned months ago but I had to decline unfortunately and had to tell them how debilitating my visual impairment has become.

Thankfully, it's open for another year or so which I'm grateful for.

My aunt was stating how "I'm too smart" to be in the house and not apply myself.

I was trying not to laugh because that narrative is what I thought they were thinking all along, which is not surprising but disappointing.

It's funny because my visual impairment doesn't care how intelligent or smart you are, in the end if you can't see performing well at a job is very difficult if not impossible especially due to the dynamic nature of my condition.

Overall, my dad's side of the family thinks my situation is more mental and I'm choosing to be disabled and live a reclusive lifestyle.

I actively try to change my situation daily and don't want to be stuck with this condition forever as I have to give up so much if I let it go.

I'm one of those men who could live happily alone and only engage in social media honestly, relationships can be a lot of work to maintain.

 

[Rouge4000]

This is a Megathread where members who are have suffered (or are still suffering from) issues regarding to friendships, relationships and family issues can post their experiences, vent, connect with others in a similar situation and give/receive support.

Feeling suicidal can make relationships of all kinds hard, and also trauma from relationships can contribute to suicidal feelings in the first place. Then throw into the mix personality disorders, neurodivergence or social anxiety which can just make maintaining healthy relationships difficult in general.

You can post as often or as infrequently as you like. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

Staff will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.

Over time staff will also endeavour to link some resources which might help with boundaries and recognising red flags, but keep in mind there is also a thread dedicated to support for people living through effects of current or historical abuse.

i only have a hand ful of friends none of them understand me like at all but there good people who genuinely do have my back but again not understanding created that rift. As for family? My father was a deadbeat who was there he never told me he loved me was proud of me and didn't care about anything abt me my mother only had her mom and had me when she was in hs. Long story short her mom was like my dad but worse and would kick her out beat her whatever. Because my mother learned absolutely nothing but whatever was in school she couldn't teach me anything emotionally like caring for others or compassion I had to figure all that out on my own all she cared about was my grades and how I looked to other people because she looked like shit her whole life and was scared of it happening to me??? My dad abused my mom and me and she allowed it to happen by keeping him around until I was 15-16 which was FARR to late. My mother is an insensitive freak who only cares about the opinion of other randomS from the outside world and my father is a pathetic junkie who could never step up even for himself. Their family's didn't even want me to be born citing I was a mistake and trash only created more trash. My mother kicked me out as soon as I turned 18 for no good reason other then she just didn't fuck with me and my father is somewhere idk and idc. I'm in a abusive relationship with a girl and I'm on edge because I want an out but we live together. So yea I'm very lost rn she also just gave away my state id and idk im sorry for the poor punctuation I just can't even bother rn im genuinely just so lost

 

[DownwardSpiral]

My parents have so many underlying issues. It's so obvious to see now. But they'd never admit it. My dad is neurodivergent but doesn't even realize. He can't regulate his emotions, he gets distracted easily, has poor time management, and CANNOT read the room to save his life. My mother is a control freak, she has to insert herself into every situation to oversee and make sure everything goes exactly her way. Neither of them knows how to respect boundaries or cope with their feelings in a healthy way. Instead, they repeatedly act careless, never learn, and continue to introduce stress and trouble and drama into our household every day.

Well at least now I can see how I ended up like this. I see where I get it from. I got so many of their worst qualities. I feel like an idiot freak, having the blood/DNA of these idiot freaks inside me. I learned to be a pushover from my mom, she never speaks up against my dad when he disrespects her or me. I became insecure like my dad, he whines and pouts whenever he doesn't get his way, and tries too hard to make other people like him. They were never in tune with each other's emotions or with my emotions, so now I am unable to connect with people emotionally. They never admitted fault or took accountability, so I never could either. They escape into their screens instead of communicating. They cannot take ANY criticism. If I suggested to them that they should try therapy or counseling, they would take it as an insult.

Even with my Grandparents, I can see how their bad parenting affected my parents. It's a sad cycle, and I'm so sad this is the family I was born into. Could be worse for sure. But if I ever manage to escape, I will never look back. There is no happiness to be found here. My family can figure it out without using me as their emotional support tool. If they can't handle it, thats their problem.