Venting Friends

[endless-void]

The reason I don't talk much to my friends is because I have nothing to say. I wish I could spend hours and hours talking to them on the phone but my head is empty. I'm afraid if I talk for too long I will just explode and I don't want to make them sad. I wish I could be as casual as them but I'm troubled inside and they already know that so what's the point. I don't want them to get bored of me. It's not easy for me to make friends that stay for too long because I'm either too intense or too boring. I don't know how much time I have until I end up alone. I don't want to be alone but even less be left alone. I mean, I know they're not going anywhere but they are not as close as time passes by and I don't know how to fix that. I wish I could tell anyone close how I am doing but they'll see I haven't changed a bit and they'll be disappointed again. And I don't want to disappoint them.