TheGoodGuy
Visionary
- Aug 27, 2018
- 2,921
Nope not anymore I used to have so many friends now I have no one and just sit alone in my small apartment doing the same every day..
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dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
I don't look for friends, nor I call any one.
I am not looking for friends anymore.
Things have become so hopeless , that I dont want to bring my misery to more people.
I'm hating I am holding ctb to not harm my mom... but ctb'ing would end this fucking negativity and absurdity of reality im living.
If I did things right, I could be walking down the beach this very minute.... I wouldn't need a job...
instead...
i'm sitting at a computer... 10 hours per day.... what life is this? besides my negativity lack of love , lack of friends... this is not a life!
I am not looking for friends anymore.
Things have become so hopeless , that I dont want to bring my misery to more people.
I'm hating I am holding ctb to not harm my mom... but ctb'ing would end this fucking negativity and absurdity of reality im living.
If I did things right, I could be walking down the beach this very minute.... I wouldn't need a job...
instead...
i'm sitting at a computer... 10 hours per day.... what life is this? besides my negativity lack of love , lack of friends... this is not a life!
I had. But not now. I went to see one 3 years ago. Before that, some years passed ... 4 more or so.
I hope all my future friends are waiting on the other side.
I avoid people in general. So I suppose that life is what I made it.
I hope all my future friends are waiting on the other side.
I avoid people in general. So I suppose that life is what I made it.
dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
I had. But not now. I went to see one 3 years ago. Before that, some years passed ... 4 more or so.
I hope all my future friends are waiting on the other side.
I avoid people in general. So I suppose that life is what I made it.
yup, life is what I made it... me too... but many many years I sure wasn't responsible.... I was fucked up... not me to blame.... then yes, some mistakes were my own and no one else's.... but I was fucked up before that.... so ...
Chalken
Decaying
- Nov 20, 2018
- 214
I used to have a small group that I hung out with in middle school, but I've since pushed everyone away and don't talk to anyone now except this one guy who keeps initiating conversations with me even though I avoid him like I avoid everyone else. I think it's better for everyone else that I don't talk to them, because I want my eventual suicide to affect as few people as possible. And it's not like I'm fun to be around either, I struggle to maintain a simple conversation, I never find the right words to say, I end up mumbling. It sucks.
Sounds like what I did before the drug addiction meetings. Plus I was on adderall which caused excessive anxiety and I became a very antisocial loner. I lived like this for many years lol! It's kind of scary that I lost so many years like this. Since age 36 to 42 now I lived like this. I got started on adderall at 25 but the social isolation didn't begin to get bad till my mid 30's.
Midnight
Beyond solace
- Jun 30, 2018
- 624
There's 1 friend who i've known for 10+ years who's more or less in the same boat as i am who i can trust talking to about what is really going on with me (he's depressed/had little luck in life but never suicidal) but we only talk/meet like once in 2-3 months. It's a friendship that will last till i die i'm sure and he won't be surprised at all if one day he gets the message that i passed. A true friend indeed.
There was 1 girl who seemed to genuinly care but she went back to her country of origin and kind of vanished (as is understandable in her line of work) she sent me a message though like 2 months after she went home and changed numbers, asking how i was even though we'd never see each other again which was very uplifting for me to think she actually remembered me and care'd enough to ask how i was. But the phone number went out of service right after the day of the convo. I miss her...
It's very easy to understand that it's very difficult to be friends with someone who's in a state of mind like we are. Alway's a downer,out of energy,anxious,not outgoing,no fun etc etc. It's just completely understandable that very few if any want to deal with people like this. Life's hard enough as it is. I don't blame anyone for not liking to be arround me.
There was 1 girl who seemed to genuinly care but she went back to her country of origin and kind of vanished (as is understandable in her line of work) she sent me a message though like 2 months after she went home and changed numbers, asking how i was even though we'd never see each other again which was very uplifting for me to think she actually remembered me and care'd enough to ask how i was. But the phone number went out of service right after the day of the convo. I miss her...
It's very easy to understand that it's very difficult to be friends with someone who's in a state of mind like we are. Alway's a downer,out of energy,anxious,not outgoing,no fun etc etc. It's just completely understandable that very few if any want to deal with people like this. Life's hard enough as it is. I don't blame anyone for not liking to be arround me.
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Alchemist
Warlock
- Apr 3, 2019
- 709
Friends in name only. They might call themselves that an say they care about me, but their actions say otherwise.
NumbItAll
expendable
- May 20, 2018
- 1,065
Never really had much of a social life; I've only had online friends for the last 10 years. Yesterday I hung out with a real, live human (non-family) for the first time in almost five years. I didn't think it was possible...
HappyEnding
Member
- Mar 23, 2019
- 85
I have friends who care but I understand that they can't spend as much time with me as I'd like them to. They have full time jobs with loans to pay and are busy worrying about their own future. One already had a brother who just got off of suicide watch and another lives in a completely different state (I live in the US). I understand how they feel because I'm going through the exact same thing with my own life, so I'm not upset or disappointed. However, I have been going to fitness classes as an excuse to socialize with others. None of my classmates know of my issues but talking to them helps ease my pain a little. My boyfriend has been really supportive today too.
dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
Having things to talk about is what needs to be understood, overcomed, needs to be fixed, extra chilli , spicy com
DepressionsAHo
Heaven gained a new ho
- Feb 15, 2019
- 831
I have one
I love her to pieces
Nobody else cares about me though. I have a post about this too
I love her to pieces
Nobody else cares about me though. I have a post about this too
FTL.Wanderer
Enlightened
- May 31, 2018
- 1,783
I know there was a TV show called "Friends." That's my only experience with that word, though.
I really, really tried to find people like us IRL. I like dark talk, am very patient, and enjoy just the company--don't even have to talk. I'm totally cool with others being sad or depressed. I can't understand why it never worked. Maybe being so depressed themselves they didn't want to be brought down further, even though I didn't initiate dark talk. I think it's something more ... immediately physical. Like people want to be around people they feel attracted to. It's not enough to just be a good guy or girl. I've seen many gorgeous people with lousy, abusive personalities be the life of the party regardless the setting. Oh well.
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I think i have a few friends. Most of them live in different countries and we don't see each other often. We know each other in years. When they are with me i got the feeling that i own the world-literally, and its completely true in some points of view. It's always great. We all count on each other without limits, witch i found to be a little dangerous. Well the history behind those friendships is for our grandchildren to be told, if ever at all.
SMarie1204
Member
- Feb 25, 2019
- 62
Isolated myself completely once I knew I was going to ctb. I don't want any speculation into my death by people who really have no insight bc I'm just sarcastic and my "millenial death humor" is so funny and they all can't believe it....c'mon.
brighter
Warlock
- Jan 22, 2019
- 718
No, I was on the streets and not a single one of my friends picked up their phones. I'm not going to be stupid enough to trust anyone again.
silentsinger
Experienced
- Mar 1, 2019
- 261
Alchemist
Warlock
- Apr 3, 2019
- 709
I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible for me to ever make friends. No one ever wants to reach me and when they do is because they want something. I don't even remember the last time I was contacted by someone just because.
silentsinger
Experienced
- Mar 1, 2019
- 261
I don't want to say the wrong thing but I do want to say something. We have only spoken a couple of times but when I log in I see some of the posts that you have sent to people that I really care about on here. You do mean ever such a lot and you are so kind. Thank you for looking after everyone and I hope you are receiving love and support x
brighter
Warlock
- Jan 22, 2019
- 718
Bärchen
Distracting myself through Life
- Apr 7, 2019
- 202
Angst Filled Fuck Up
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2,837
I have no friends. No social media either, so when I say 0 I mean 0. I just never liked being around people. I also never met anyone like me, or who I felt really understood me. I have dated a lot of girls and that was usually enough, along with having my family in my life. I prefer either romantic or unconditional relationships. I don't like all the cheap/flaky shit that comes with ordinary friendships.
Deadgirl
Game Over
- Mar 31, 2019
- 215
Nope. They all left me the moment they could and i pushed some away so i don't get hurt badly again.
gnrluver0105
Member
- Nov 25, 2018
- 58
In reality there is no friends, the people that call themselves that, are the same as the rest, they just want something from you, and they always want more, it's never enough, until you serve no purpose for that person, then they leave you, like if you are some disposable thing ... At least that's my experience with "friends", hell, and even "GF"...
OpheliasFlowers
Specialist
- Apr 2, 2019
- 348
I have no actual friends. The few people I called friends at various points in my life each turned out to backstabbing phonies who easily tossed me aside and moved on without a backward glance when they were able. I feel stupid for ever thinking they genuinely cared or were real friendships. With the advent of social media I reconnected (briefly) with a couple of them and that only turned out be salt rubbed in old wounds because: 1. nobody seemed to remember pretty much anything about when we were friends...so I felt hurt that apparently being friends with me was so insignificant and meaningless that no one retained any memories of me or our shared experiences; and 2. after they bragged and boasted about how great their lives are now (and never asking about me or my current life) they just disappeared again.
